(Closed) Bride doesn't seem to care that I'm a BM

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It almost sounds like this has nothing to do with the wedding, or being a Bridesmaid or Best Man etc. this is about you and her, your friendship and how your feel like she isn’t really in it. She is obviously busy with planning and working out details. If it’s bothering you just make extra effort, it can’t hurt. Maybe suggest activites you can do together invilving wedding details or maybe something to giver her a day off of wedding planning. If you want to be the one she talks to, then just make it so. How many Bridesmaid or Best Man does she have? I can see that if there are many of you she may not want to repeat the news or progress several times. I’m having 6 and I can tell you it is going to be alot of group emails. I’m also worried that I’m all wedding talk and maybe some of my Bridesmaid or Best Man aren’t as into my wedding as they are into real life details. Hope that gives you some food for thought. I`ve been in a similar situation and she will come around when she needs you.

Post # 4
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MissTurtle27:  I felt the same way when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for my only sister.  I pretty much had to beg her to let me be her Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Reason? Because she is my only sister and I want to help her as much as I could…and I did: from bridal shower, bacheloratte party, to the actual wedding day — I even spent 2 weeks making her an amazing wedding present that everyone loved… at the end, not even a Thank You from her. After the wedding, she invited all her BMs to see her wedding picture except me.  

It sucks…I always think of family first…but I realized, when the other person just doesn’t care for you…it doesn’t matter how much you give.

Well, I’m glad that’s done and over with…now..It’s my turn to get marry next year and I’m still debating if I should ask my sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man…knowing she doesn’t even care for my happiness.

I’d say if you love your friend…suck it up and just deal with it.  Do it for yourself so you’ll have no regrets in the future.  You’ve done everything you can. 

Post # 5
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t worry about it.  I just booked my photographer, and didn’t call up all my BMs.  It’s not that I don’t want them to know, its just that there are so many details that go with a wedding, that I don’t want to have to call up my 7 BMs everytime I decide something.  My BM’s aren’t really helping me plan much other then what dress they will wear.  Its not because I don’t love them, they are far away, and I don’t want to deal with putting together a schedule, and I’m more of a “I’ll do it myself to get it done fast” person.

So in other words, I wouldn’t take too much offense to it.  Just keep doing what your doing and supporting her, letting her know you are there to help.  That always feels good. 

Post # 7
467 posts
Helper bee

that sounds fair and really is all you can do.  Sorry you feel this way, that sucks.  🙁

Post # 8
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I  don’t like my bridesmaids involvement, they took over way to much in the begining (got the idea that they were suppose to of this site Undecided )

Anyway, self confessed bitch time! – I have majorly drifted from one of my bms since I asked her in a fit of newly engaged excitement. I’d still like her to be at the wedding but over the last 3months I’ve only seen her a couple of times at church, oh and she rang me a couple of weeks  to let us know that the minister had cheated on his wife and the church was falling apart. and before that I didnt see her over summer, and before that I didnt see her all that much in the last year.she’s gone from being one of my best friends to someone who I doubt I’ll see once we’re married. So yeh…I’ve emailed a couple of times suggesting dresses and one major outpouring of emotions but I’ve not heard from her. I’m going to leave it to be honest,  maybe several months down the line at around the year mark I’m going to kick up the painful conversation of “so it’s a year to go and we havnt really spoken, so I’m just checking whether you still feel comfortable being a bridesmaid? It’s ok if your not feeling it, I’d still love for you to be there.”

I’m even hoping that she may jump the gun, perhaps you need to bring up a heart to heart with the bride to?

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