(Closed) Bride Etiquette – need your opinion!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d say that since it’s almost April and she’s getting married this summer, she isn’t going to do them at all! I think you’re safe to send out a newsletter and cards/gifts. I wouldn’t do anything major right around her wedding though, but wait until afterwards to bombard them with info since you have another year. I don’t think it’s a big deal though!

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Is her wedding early summer or late summer? I’d say, just so you don’t step on her toes, wait until after her wedding. Or just talk to her. Tell her your ideas but that you don’t want to take her spotlight and ask how she feels about it. She may be totally ok with it. I just wouldn’t do anything behind her back, so to speak. Not to mean that in a rude way but if you don’t tell her, she may take it the wrong way. Hope this helps!

Post # 5
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you can probably start with limited communication/gifts before her wedding…but at least you have a good amount of time between your weddings for those things.  I would definitely send the "will you be my bridesmaid?" cards and not feel like you’re upstaging your friend…but if I were you (and this is just me!) I would wait on the nwesletter.

The bottom line is, if she’s going to feel jealous about the extra stuff you’re doing for the bridal party (which she hasn’t done), she’ll likely feel offended before and/or after the wedding. If she’s going to think you’re trying to show her up, it may not matter when you do it.

I think she should be gracious no matter which point you start sending your cards/gifts/newsletters, but it sounds to me like you are concerned she will have a reaction, so I would be proactive if I were you and try to hold off on some things.  However, you certainly don’t want to wait until right before the wedding, so if after her wedding is too late, do it sooner rather than later!

That’s a sticky situation…I hope your friend reacts positively no matter what you decide!

Post # 6
484 posts
Helper bee

Hi, congrats on your engagement!

First, you are being super considerate!

Second, I think it’s perfectly ok for you to send out "will you be my maids" cards at your one year mark, which is May right? Then wait for your friend to get married before doing anything else. Her wedding shouldn’t be to long after your one year mark since its the summer, so it’s not like you will have to put your plans on hold for too long.

I think this plan is both respectful of your friend getting married as well as the bridesmaids you share. All of you are going to be in wedding overload so if you are able to space out all the fun things you want to do, I really don’t think anyone will get burnt out.

OH and tell your friends where you are getting married! I’m sure they all want to know 🙂


Post # 7
2641 posts
Sugar bee

If the BMs haven’t been asked yet, I think it would be OK to send the cards or ask in whatever way you want.  I don’t think that will upstage the bride.  I wouldn’t do it too close to her wedding, though. 

I would hold off on any gifts.  There’s no need to do any of that unil after her wedding.  Even if she did give gifts, as you plan to, she might feel upstaged, or wonder if yours are better, etc.  It’s probably going to be hard enough for her after her wedding.  Will she feel like you were trying to out do her?  Will she feel embarrased that she didn’t think of that?  I’m not saying you shouldn’t give gifts.  It sounds considerate.  Just don’t do it before hand.

Post # 9
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Miss Creme Brulee, that is really thoughtful of you to take her feelings into account before moving forward. I think its really nice that you’re waiting till after her wedding to start sending stuff out and I hope all your planning goes smoothly! Out of curiosity, what are you putting in your newsletters? That sounds like a really cute idea!

Post # 10
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I think what you have decided to do is the best approach. The focus should be on her wedding at the moment as once her wedding is over you will still have more than enough time to plan yours. Obviously it’s fine to send out you "will you be my bridesmaid" cards/gifts but I would wait until her wedding is over before going much further. Picking out dresses would totally be ok, but I think sending out the newsletter before her wedding is a bit over the top.

Good choice!

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