Post # 1
Are there any brides out there who are paying for all or most of the wedding? This poll makes me think I’m all alone.
My boyfriend was hit extra hard by the economic downturn last year. I, on the other, have been smiled upon by the employment gods and have managed to save up enough to cover the whole wedding.
I know he’d like to contribute as much as I can but that would take quite a while and, while I’m in no rush, it feels silly to let finances keep us from doing what we want – get married (duh).
Then there’s everyone else. I get the sense that a man’s love and desire to marry are questioned if he doesn’t pay. I caught myself falling into this thinking for a millisecond but it’s so unfair! No one questions a woman if the groom pays.
I don’t know of any brides who have payed for all or most of the wedding but have you? If so, how was their decision received and perceived? How do you honestly feel about a bride and groom who take this route? And what are your thoughts on society’s blatant financial responsibily double standard?
Post # 3
I am paying for most of the wedding myself as well. My FH’s parents have graciously gifted us with a honeymoon and a groom’s dinner; and my dear mother bought me a dress and a cake. Most everything else is being paid for by my savings. I don’t care one bit what anyone thinks about this. I consider everything I have including money to be my fiance’s as well; and I know that he considers all he has mine. I figure that once we are married, it won’t be “mine” or “his”, it will be “ours”, so what is the difference to consider everything “ours” now?
Don’t feel bad. It’s really no one’s business who is paying for what when it comes to your wedding. Someday, you may not be able to pay for something, and your husband will be there to help you. In life, everything always seems to even out.
Post # 4
if its “your money” techically its “yalls money” after you get married anyway – dont be down about it. be happy you can afford to get what you want! 🙂 i wish i could foot the entire bill, then i could stop compromising on everything!
Post # 5
I honestly think that there is nothing wrong with paying for your own wedding, but I understand how you feel.
In my case, FI’s parents are paying for 4/5 of ours, we are paying the remaining 1/5 (which includes honeymoon), and my parents have not offered anything. I feel weird about this sometimes, because “traditionally” it is the bride’s parents that foot the bill, but then reality hits and I snap out of it.
As far as “you” paying for it instead of your “fiance” paying for it… well, that doesn’t make sense when you think about it. From the moment we got engaged I started thinking “our” money. Whatever money you have will be both of yours soon anyway… at least to the extent that you ar expected to support each other financially.
I have no idea what your financial situation is, but I’d caution you against spending extravagently. To be honest, Fiance and I could probably afford to contribute a lot more than we are, but we don’t want to dip too much into our savings. Not a good way to start out, IMO.
Post # 6
You’re not alone! I have worked hard, saved a lot and been extremely fortunate in life and, consequently, make and have quite a bit more than my Fiance. He paid for half of the honeymoon and has picked up little expenses here and there, but I have been paying for most. We’ve been living together for a while now, so what is mine is his and vice versa. I don’t feel taken advantage of and certainly don’t feel like he loves me any less. We’re simply doing what is the most practical for us. Don’t let others question your FI’s feelings for you simply because of the traditional roles that most people fall into.
Post # 7
@spaganya & Angela83,
I’m totally with you. It’s our money.
I say “mine” and “his” not because I feel that way but because my family especially has insinuated that if the majority of the money doesn’t come directly from his pocket it’s probably because he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. /eyeroll. Total B.S.
As for spending extravagantly – nope, not here.
Post # 8
We decided not to ask parents for any help, but to accept it if they offered.
I am paying 70%, my fiance is paying 5%, and my mom is paying 25%.
My fiance is okay with it- my income is higher than his in the first place, so I pay for more things overall. My dad is not okay with it- he expected me to ask and is upset that I didn’t. He didn’t tell me this- his significant other told my fiancethis yesterday. My mom was happy to help and gave me a specific amount, which ended up being 25% of the cost. She probably assumes my dad contributed too.
Post # 9
I’m in the same boat. Being older (31 and 40), our parents aren’t contributing anything. And unfortunately, Fiance got hit by the economy THREE times. Three layoffs in four years = TOUGH. But, I’ve been lucky enough to have steady, good employment so naturally I’m the one footing the bill. It doesn’t bother me AT ALL. The thing my Fiance and I take pride in most about our relationship is that we’re a team and we’re always in it together equally. If he had more to help out right now, he would. I agree with MissChirpie, it really is no one’s business who is footing the bill so don’t let it stress you out in the least bit!
Post # 10
I’m right there with you. I’m paying for the whole wedding as well as FI’s student loan payments while he hikes the Appalachian Trail. It’s crappy, but at least I have veto power over everything wedding-related.
Post # 11
@walkunafraid: hahaha veto power.
I hesitated before posting this but now I’M SO GLAD I DID!
Post # 12
I am glad to read these because I had that twinge too! I was able to save up fairly quickly for most of it, and then Fiance lost his job almost immediately after the engagement (and his boss knew why we were taking a couple of days off!) But I have always thought of my money as our money, and I know that if he could contribute he would. He’s contributing in his own ways as well, making dinner, cleaning, and he can still pay his bills so we’re good 🙂
Post # 13
Me! I’m paying for a decent amount of ours and I don’t mind at all. Fiance wanted a backyard wedding, I wanted something a little nicer so I’m paying for it. Plus my rings cost more than our whole wedding and he pays for most of our day-to-day expenses since we live together – so I don’t expect him to pay for any of the wedding stuff.
My parents are paying about 40% (venue & food), and the rest is a hodge-podge of money. His parents covered the cake and postage for the invites, he paid for my awesome ring, and I’ve got everything else since that’s the stuff I care about (dress, flowers, linens, favors, candy buffet, photobooth, etc), plus I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s opinions because they’re not paying for it. 🙂
Post # 14
I’m in a similar situation. Sometimes it can be a little frustrating to have to pitch in the majority of the costs, but then I remind myself that he’s contributing what he can. Plus, he did get the e-ring which is a huge contribution to the wedding process. 🙂
Post # 15
walkunafraid: Your reference to hiking the Appalachian Trail is a little unnerving. Is it a joke? or hopefully it has no semblance to the incidence involving the South carolina governor.
Post # 16
@pren79: Nope, no joke. He is seriously hiking the Appalachian Trail. That’s why our wedding is in Maine–neither of us had ever been there before, but it’s where the trail ends, and he wanted to “hike to the wedding”. He’s actually on a temporary hiatus right now because he got a stress fracture in his foot–and judging by the smell and beard when I went to pick him up, I can verify without a doubt that he was in fact hiking for two months!