(Closed) Bride found THE dress without her maid-of-honor?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I sympathize with you but to be honest, I think you’re over reacting.  It’s a very special moment for a bride to find and pick her dress regardless of whether her bridesmaids were or were not there.  Did she tell you she wanted you to go and it was a date/time/etc that you couldn’t make it?  If you weren’t invited I definitely feel you have more of a right to be upset but I think you should put it aside and celebrate with her and be interested in what SHE wants.  Chin up!

Post # 4
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Lace0000:  Personally I don’t think you should be so upset, but obviously this is a very special part of being a Maid/Matron of Honor to you, and that doesn’t mean you can’t feel saddened. As much as you wanted to be there for HER, it sounds like you really wanted to be there FOR YOU, which is clearly not what would have been best for the appointment! I wish I had better advice, but I do think you’re taking it a little too personally, but that’s my 2 cents. If my bride (if I were a Maid/Matron of Honor, which I have been) found her dress and I wasn’t there, I would be so excited! That doesn’t mean I can’t be involved in the wedding, go to her fittings, help accessorize, etc, whatever she’d want me to be a part of ! Your bride chose to do this on her own, and that’s her decision.

Post # 5
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Lace0000:  I’m sorry, but there’s no law saying that she must find the dress with you. My chief bridesmaid only came with me to about a third of the dress shops I went to and she didn’t come with me when I found my dressmaker. 

Post # 6
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Be upset if you want to, but don’t expect her to do anything about it….it’s unfortunate for sure, but this just isn’t about you.  I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor and she only goes dress shopping with her Mom…so whatever, in fact she’s kind of compartmentalizing all of us from each other, which is weird, but whatever…if it’s what she wants, it’s what she gets, after all, we’ve got one shot at this for her…then she’s just like everyone else…married.

Post # 7
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I bought my dress without my Maid/Matron of Honor. I found it on a day that she wasn’t available, and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I sent her pictures and she squealed. Then we went together to see it when it came in, and there was more squealing. You can still enjoy this moment together in many ways – don’t let your hurt feelings ruin this for your or the bride.

Also, I know you’re upset, but there’s no need to use an ethnic slur like “gypt”.

Post # 8
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I do think you’re overreacting a bit here. It’s wonderful that you wanted to be a part of that with her, but sometimes it just doesn’t work with schedules or other people she wanted to bring or etc etc. Be excited for her and have fun helping her pick out accessories to go with it.

Post # 9
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You are kind of really overreacting. She may have just been planning to look and ended up finding the dress. I wanted to go first just with my mother and my sister. I understand you are upset but it’s totally not as much of a big deal as you are making it out to be. Just be happy that she found her dress and go with her for her fittings or buying accessories :o)

Post # 10
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I actually went dress shopping alone. I wanted the time to form opinions by myself before bringing other people into the mix. After I narrowed it down to two, I brought my mom in. Everyone has their own preference in how they go about the situation. Does it stink you found out through Facebook? Yes. But she was likely so excited that she posted it without even thinking about it affecting others. I would express your excitement for her and tell her you are thrilled and want to see her in it. The first time you are there with her trying it on will still be a special moment. 

Post # 11
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Definitely think you’re over reacting. I didn’t know a bride was supposed to take anyone? I thought it was about finding the dress not who goes with you. I know it’s common to have mothers and friends but.. I don’t think it’s something you should be that hurt by. Bummed if you wanted to go, sure. But that’s about it.

Try to relax and remember it’s her wedding and you’re there to support her right now.

 

Post # 12
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I didn’t bring my Maid/Matron of Honor. I hadn’t asked her yet and she was 2 states away. I don’t think being Maid/Matron of Honor entitles you to be on the dress shopping excursion. Each person you bring is an extra opinion and sometimes its hard to juggle those opinions. While it would have been nice for you to be there, she probably didn’t invite you because she didn’t want to be overwhelmed with opinions.

Post # 13
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I never went dress shopping with my bridesmaids—just my mom!  nobody cared

Post # 14
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I found my dress without my Maid/Matron of Honor… the only person there was my mother. MOh wasn’t available to go dress shopping that day… and I found THE dress. I wasn’t going to drive back down (all the decent bridal shops are like 45 min from my house) just so she could see it before I bought it. Just be happy for her and support her, which is what a Maid/Matron of Honor should really be doing.

Post # 15
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can understand why you’re upset. I do think the PPs are correct in that the bride has the option of doing things the way she wants to, and you should let this go.

Post # 16
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I found my dress with my Fiance… He bought it for me!

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