Post # 1
You Bees haven’t failed me yet so here’s another Checklist Item I am struggling with!!
My Fiance and I moved from Maryland last year to CA. Originally we assumed we’d get married in MD b/c it is where we grew up, met and many of our friends and family live still live in the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia) area. Now that the planning has begun we are realizing how much we are gonna be missing out on planning something across the country and are thinking of having a ‘destination’ wedding somewhere w/in driving distance to where we live. That way we can DIY a lot of the details (which is very important to me) and can do pre-tastings and visits with ease. That means our familes would have to be the ones to do the traveling but maybe it would be worth it, if it’s someplace awesome, as opposed to suburban east coast…?
Am I overthinking this? Or placing to much value on being close to the site? We also thought it would help wean down our guest list to the people who we really wanted to be there as some people probably won’t fly across the country.
Does anyone have any experience with making your guests fly to you? Thanks!!!
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2015 - Gibsons (Chicago - Gold Coast)
I’m in Chicago and only 2 of the 54 people on my side of the invite list are in Chicago. If I had it in Michigan (where I’m from) about 20 of those people wouldn’t have to travel, but the other 32 still have to. On my fiance’s side most people are local and have no travel required. Keeping it in Chicago was easier, since my friends and family can mostly afford the flights/drive/train and hotels, and it’s way easier for me to plan something where I live. So I gave them a heads up and they are all (52 folks) coming to me for the wedding. Make the best decision for you and talk it out with the people who HAVE to be there (for me this was parents, siblings and my 2 groups of best girlfriends). If they are ok with it, then hopefully they others can find a way, or at least be understanding.
Post # 3
We didn’t have a choice. His family lives on the east coast, my father lives in Florida, we live in Las Vegas so either way they would have to travel.you could ask your parents or other family members how the rest of the family would feel. Traveling to weddings is very common. It has been easier to plan it here and his family is using it as an excuse to come to Vegas for a few days.
Post # 4
We also thought it would help wean down our guest list to the people who we really wanted to be there as some people probably won’t fly across the country.
In reality, it will wean your guest list to the people who can afford to attend.
Post # 5
Excellent point. Money isn’t always equal to love. Thanks for your input!!
Post # 6
Good point. Luckily for us, I think all the people who HAVE to be there could make it regardless of the location (I mean we’d have to get ourselves there too lol) but I am trying to take it all into consideration since it would almost certaintly mean some of our friends wouldn’t be able to come. And we would love to have as many people as possible there….maybe that’s my answer lol
Post # 7
I’m all for making things as comfortable for the guests as possible so we are going with what is easiest for the majority – we are travelling to them. When we sat down to discuss a rough guestlist, we realised that besides FI’s parents, brother, brother’s girlfriend and my mum, sisters and Maid/Matron of Honor (as well as us of course), 90% of the other people on the guestlist live in the same city about 6 hours’ drive away. We did consider the fact that it might keep the number down but also thought of what julies1949:
said. We also thought about our immediate families and MOH/BM being the most important people to us and realistically if we are going to make it easy on anyone, it should be them but after discussing it with them all we all decided having it in the city was a better idea. Fiance, myself and one of my sisters all work for the same company. We’re lucky in the sense that our bosses are really flexible and will give us the time off with no problem. My mum doesn’t work and his parents work flexible hours. My Maid/Matron of Honor is always looking for any good reason to take leave and his brother will more than likely be in between jobs at that time of the year with his girlfriend also not being locked into a job other than her own part-time business around then. That just leaves one of my sisters who’s boss is a bit funny with leave that the employees are more than entitled to. Fiance and I suggested she take unpaid leave (her boss would love that!!) and we will just reimburse her for the wages she’d be losing. That’s 10 people out of I can’t even remember how many that will have to be the only ones travelling. I’m a firm believer in utilitarianism so this is the option I’m most comfortable with.
Post # 8
we planned a wedding from 3.5 hours away due to having it back where I grew up. my parents were great in helping out, for example visiting venues for us and narrowing down our list so we could just check the best 2 or 3 when we were around for christmas. we usually visit 3 times a year and they visit us once or twice so we timed our visits for the month-before tastings and similar. i was a pretty laid-back bride though so was happy for my mum to book the florist etc. and was lucky she was happy to do those bits for me. we did a lot just via internet too, like chair covers and a few bits were via friends which made it easier. as long as you have someone nearby who is willing to help, you should be fine.
Post # 9
- Wedding: December 2015 - Gibsons (Chicago - Gold Coast)
true! Weaning the guest list was also part of my strategy. I really want a small wedding and having it in my hometown would open it up for too many “parent adds” and uninvited, word-of-mouth drop-in guestss.
Post # 10
We made our guests fly to us BUT we also worked it out and realized that no matter where we had it a lot of people would travel. Having had several friends who got married back home and planned weddings from away they advised us against it. They said it was a total pain in the ass to do.
Post # 11
Other than my mom (she is 2 hours away) my entire family is traveling to us for the wedding from different states. My Fiance family is all local.
We considered doing a destination wedding but quickly realized we knew my family would travel to attend but his cannot really afford to. We decided to have it here. I let my family know as soon as we set the date (a year ahead) so they could also start planning.
Post # 12
We live in Florida but are getting married in Minnesota since we’re both from there and some of our family is there. All your vendors will want to meet with you which is a little frustrating being far away, but mine have all worked with me over email and phone calls/skype until I’m able to travel back.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2016 - Cherry Orchard
We live in Chicago, Fiance family lives in Michigan and Wisconsin, and my family is in West Virginia. Either way, someone was going to travel. For my family, it was going to be an 8 hour road trip or flight to Chicago, and we’ve decided to just flip that trip north and have it in Michigan where the oldest guests live.
Post # 14
I think it really depends on who you want there. As Julie pointed out, just because someone is your best friend doesn’t mean they’ll be able to fly across the country.
We moved to a different state after college and decided to have our wedding in our home state because we wanted our guests to be able to easily attend (older grandparents and cash strapped friends specifically).
What do you feel you are missing out on by having it in MD? It wasn’t super easy planning from a different state but I didn’t really feel like I was missing out on stuff.
One thing I just realized is that we were able to drive to our wedding and therefore bring our DIY stuff with us and our presents back. I guess that would be more difficult for you given the distance!
Post # 15
I live in Cali, but had it in my hometown in NC. I still DIY a lot of my stuff, though. I think I made 3 trips back to NC in our 7 month engagement for planning, a shower, etc. My mom looked up different vendors for things, and we had tastings and such when we went back, and took some DIY stuff back with us everytime we flew. It can definitely be done if you have a good support system back there to help. I’m so grateful for how much time and energy my mom was able to put in.