Post # 1
I’m maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding. She’s planned her bachelorette party to be a joint one with one of her bridesmaids who’s also engaged. The problem is this party is a destination one out of the country and I can’t afford a trip like this. Plane tickets are $500, and there is only one other bridesmaid to split the bride’s costs with me (the bride has already offered to pay her airfare and lodging). She’d also like a bridal shower at the destination party in addition to the one in our home town.
I’m looking at the costs of this bachelorette party; hosting two bridal showers; and the costs of the wedding weekend, the gifts, and the dress. I was hoping to spend less than $1,000 for all of the wedding expenses and this bachelorette weekend could easily eat my whole budget.
Is it ok for me not to go on the trip, but to offer my share of her costs there and a smaller local party? Or is it not excusable for the MoH to miss the party?
Post # 3
Why is she having a bridal shower at this bachelorette party? I don’t get it, there aren’t going to be a lot of people there. If you can’t afford it, just tell them that. It’s very nice of you to still offer to pay her costs even if you aren’t going to be there, I probably wouldn’t.
Post # 4
I agree with MissAsB. She is the one who is planning it. Unless she is going to pay your cost, including airfare, she really shouldn’t expect you to be there.
Post # 5
I hate the idea of the destination bach parties. They are way to expensive and who can really afford them?! I think still offering to cover part of the brides fairs when you are not going makes you an AMAZING Maid/Matron of Honor.
Maid/Matron of Honor or not if you cant afford to go she needs to accept that. If she doesnt I think she is being unreasonable. Brides shouldnt expect people to be able to go away for all kinds of parties.
Post # 6
I personally think this is really unfair of the bride to expect people to attend. If you can’t go for financial reasons, she HAS to respect that. Absolutely. Frankly, this seems very excessive. Two showers? No thank you. And an out of the country bach party?
I think you have every right to say no to this. And I agree with @mishelleez: offering to help offset the brides costs makes you a super generous and super awesome Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 7
Honestly, if the bride planned her own bachelorette then she should be the one financing it…not you. The bachelorette party and bridal shower are optional events that should be planned by the BMs…with the BMs budgets in mind. If you can’t afford to go, you can’t afford to go. The bride shouldn’t get upset about that….especially since you are so generously offering to help her defray HER costs. As far as the bridal showers are concerned, just let the bride know that you will only be able to plan and help finance the local shower. It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect the bridal party, Maid/Matron of Honor or not, to break the bank financing and attending optional events. Figure out what your budget is…and then stick to that. You can still be supportive and helpful to the bride in other ways.
Post # 8
i dont see why you have to pay for her expenses if she is the one who wants to travel there.. it bothers when ppl make their weddings an excessive financial burdens on others.
Post # 9
I don’t think brides should be planning their own bachlorette or bridal showers. It’s unreasonable to dictate what kind of party your BMs should host and attend. I’d tell her that you’d be happy to host her a local bachelorette, but that you can’t afford to take on the expensive of a destination party.