(Closed) Bride Hasn\'t Planned ANYTHING For June Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would just ask her if she needs help with anything.. she may be super overwhelmed – some people just AREN’T planners, while some of us are blessed with being able to do everything, and then some.

If she says she doesn’t need help, I would leave it be. Otherwise, if she says she would like some help, ask her what she needs help with, ask her if she’s done this or that, ect.

Post # 3
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I would make a broad checklist (they’re all over pinterest) and bring it to her, go over it with her over lunch or something, and see where she stands on it all. If she wants Uncle Jerry to take photos with his nice camera instead of hiring a pro, that’s fine. If she wants the BMs to wear their own favorite mismatched shoes, that’s fine. If she doesn’t want centerpieces, that’s fine. On the other hand, if she just doesn’t know, that’s not fine! There’s a difference between super low-maintenance “oh, whatever!” brides and brides who procrastinate so bad that their wedding sneaks up on them. Hopefully she is the former!

Also your title and first sentence is misleading! It’s not that she hasn’t planned ANYTHING – she has a venue, and some decor ideas. And I would assume a vague guest list? She sound pretty behind, but in reality all you need for a wedding is the couple, a minister, and a building/property to hold the wedding in.

Post # 5
354 posts
Helper bee

MrsSparkle10:  you can’t. Some people just don’t care for planning weddings, she might be one of those. The more you push, the more pressure you give her and she may not like it. The best you can do is sit back and be on standby. When time is running out, she will freak out and call for help. That’s when you help her. 

Post # 6
2517 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Some people aren’t planners and other people eat this stuff right up.  It sounds like she’s from the first group. 

Do you enjoy planning?  Could you take on some of it with her?  I freaking love planning events.  I wish people would hand things over to me. 😛  If you’re at all like me it might be fun.  If she turns down the assistance, then let it be.  It’s her wedding, if she doesn’t want to plan and doesn’t want to accept any help, then that’s how its going to be.  

Post # 7
3857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think instead of asking her if she needs “help” you should ask her if she needs help…selecting linens, deciding on a menu, etc. If you enjoy doing this kind of stuff, take the lead and start making some decisions. The very first time I was a Maid/Matron of Honor, the bride had NO IDEA what was going on or what she wanted to do. I had only been in my sisters wedding at this point, but I was obsessed with wedding planning. She would constantly call or text me with questions like “How long do I need the limo?” “What color linens?” “Should we have chicken or beef?” That is just a sampling of the year of planning. Eventually, I asked her if she wanted me to act as her “wedding planner” and she was actually really relieved. I didn’t act as if it was my wedding or anything like that, but she gave me a vague idea of what she wanted, put literally all of her trust in me, and I narrowed down 99% of her choices. I would present her two options: Pick A or B.

Ultimately, the decision will be up to her or not to take you up on your offer. My bride was really pleased with everything and how everything turned out. I’m currently helping another friend “plan” her wedding. Definitely ask your friend what you can do to help with specifics, but more importantly, ask her if she’d like your help planning. This will give you the opportunity to make decisions and suggestions.

Post # 8
578 posts
Busy bee

MrsSparkle10:  She’s got the venue (and I imagine officiant), and it sounds like she has wedding day attire for everyone, so beyond guest list/invites, the rest is really just extras. You can ask if she needs help, but if she doesn’t take you up on it, leave it be. She might not want the kind of wedding you want her to have, and that’s okay.

Post # 9
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, you sound like an awesome friend! I would ask if there is anything you can help with. Let her know you love doing this stuff and it really wouldn’t be any trouble. But don’t start hounding her with all that she needs to do and how late she is. It’s her wedding. For better or worse. It just may not be that important to her. And that’s okay. She’ll figure something out. So be a supportive friend. But don’t take over her wedding.  Let her guide you in how you can help!

Post # 10
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

this thread inspired me to send a bunch of stuff to my friend who is having a really hard time planning… maybe giving her a list of questions or places to call would help her start getting on track


I love planning too though and I am totally willing to help out

Post # 11
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Fox Hill Inn

MrsSparkle10:  I’m having a very similar issue with a friend… except she hasn’t picked any attire other than her own (we bridesmaids keep asking her to make a decision AND… nothing).

My friend is kind of in overload mode to the point where she has so many decisions to make she’s a bit paralyzed on where to start. I’ve helped her with a couple of small things, like contacting vendors for her. I usually send her a text like “Did you still want XXX as your photographer? Do you want me to contact her and see if she’s available?” and usually the answer is “Yes” and I do some of the legwork for her and get prices and check availability. It’s still up to her to make decisions, but at least I’ve saved her some work.Also, when I just generally ask “Do you need help with anything” the answer is always silence… For me it’s helped to offer to do very specific things.

Another thing that a friend (who is also a BM) and I did was create a pinterest board for the bride. We posted flowers and cake ideas in a variety of color schemes (because she can’t decide what colors she wants) and then we shared it with her. She actually really appreciated it and liked/repinned a couple of the things we found to her own board.

Good luck helping your friend with her planning, I’ll repost if I find other techniques that help my friend too!

Post # 12
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

MrsSparkle10:  I knew a couple of couples like this … I would not worry about it. Just say something like “if you need any help with anything let me know”. I wouldn’t do anything beyond that because she may snap on you otherwise. Is there any chance that she has done more than you know about? Perhaps she doesn’t want to bore you with all the details? The most important things are really that she has a ceremony place, officiant, and invitations. If she wants anything else then that is up to her to do … But she doesn’t have to have any more than that for her wedding.

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