Post # 1
Let me give a little backstory on the situation. The Bride and I met at the beginnning of nursing school and we really seemed to hit it off. We began spending time together and as we spent more time together I noticed these little white lies occuring. Well gradually they turned from little white lies to big lies, for example, her and Tim Tebow exchanged emails for months or she intubated a patient in the OR. As these types of lies began to happen more frequently I began to distance myself from her. As we were riding in the car to clinical one day she handed me a card and insructed me to open it- surprise it was a will you be my bridesmaid card. I said yes becuase I didn’t see a good way to decline. Fast forward to now, six months later, the lying has continued and some of them could have been damaging to others. IN an effort to get some advice I spoke with a professor about the situation. She decided it was best to confront her especially in light of one particular lie, which was false and could have destroyed one of our faculty. This confrontation occured last Monday and I choose to not be there and remain anoymous not wanting things to become exceptionally awkward, we have all our classes and clinical together. In class she threw pointed looks and purposefully didn’t speak to me. Yesterday I logged onto her wedding website because I saw she updated her registry info and I was curious what she was registering for since the wedding is a year away. As i looked at the wedding party info I noticed I was no longer listed as a bridesmaid and neither were two of my friends who also have been dealing with this situation. I am relieved to be removed from the the wedding and relieved to have something so toxic out of my life, but I still feel bad I most likely hurt her feelings. Is it weird/wrong to feel bad for her and a ittle rejected even though I wanted her removed from my life? Also, any advice on how to deal with this going forward, we have all of our classes and clinical together!
Post # 3
She sounds like has some issues going on, and I wouldn’t worry about it. You don’t seem like you were too thrilled when she asked you be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the first place, and you aren’t being singled out since two other BMs also were booted out. Just ignore her, even if you feel bad.
Post # 4
@vintagebride26: I understand why you feel bad, but someone who tells lies (especially ones that could hurt others) has to face the consequences. It’s never wrong to feel the way you do, but the feelings will fade and you can always know that you did the right thing.
As for going forward, stay polite and civil. You’ll probably not remain friends (which seems to be fine with you), but there’s no reason you cannot be civil classmates. Just try to avoid personal conversations or one-on-one time for awhile until she cools down.
Post # 5
Ignore her…she’s clearly crazy and you are better without her in your life. It’s natural to feel bad about “hurting” someone else but she really brought it all on herself. As for you feeling rejected – you can’t have her out of your life and still like you. I’d just try to ignore her moving forward and act civil when you do need to interact but nothing more.
Post # 6
You did the right thing.
I used to work with a girl who’s Fiance told fantastic lies. I sort of miss hearing them to be the truth because they were that good.
Post # 7
I had a best friend for years. I loved her, but she lied constantly. At first she lied about little things and I simply ignored it, but about 2 years ago she started telling dangerous, outrageous lies like your friend. After months of this, I could not take it anymore, called her out and ended our friendship. She was so devastated and hurt that she ended up seeking intense therapy, leaving her Fiance and pretty much entirelyrevamping her life. We didn’t talk for a year…then she reached out. I now count her as one of my most trusted friend. I felt so guilty but she tells me that by losing me, she was inspired to finally change and confront her demons. You did the right thing!
Post # 8
I would be relieved if I were you. This girl has some serious problems, and it worries me that a person like this is even in the medical field!
I would not worry about it.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I wouldn’t feel bad about hurting her feelings. If she lies that much, she has to know that it’s going to come back to hurt her eventually.
ETA- and congrats for not being in the wedding anymore!
Post # 10
I don’t think you did the wrong thing but you probably shouldn’t have tried to remain “anonymous” when she clearly knew it was you. It sounds like you should have openly confronted her way earlier and not accepted to be in her wedding. I completely understand how that happens; it’s hard to confront someone (hard for me). Usually, though, it’s the right thing and then you don’t have to feel guilty later.
Side note, this is why I hate those “will you be my bridesmaid?” cards. They’re way too proposal-y and in keeping with this, add proposal-like pressure to say “yes.”
Post # 11
considering she kicked three of you out, i don’t think she knows it’s you. i would stay civil, but distance yourself. if she ever confronts you, just say you noticed she was acting off and were giving her space, and play dumb on the teacher approaching her thing. with this type of personality i’d potentially be concerned about retaliation (lies that portray you in a negative light). hopefully you don’t need to work with her directly or for too much longer into the future.
sidenote: yes you did the right thing. it’s hard to feel rejected even if it’s by someone you don’t want in your life, but give it a week or two and you’ll be over it and so glad she’s no longer a fixture in your life.
Post # 12
You did very well. Now walk away.. don’t even think or look back. When you see her, smile and say hello then walk away.. people like that are poison to those around them.
Post # 13
I think it would have been better to be direct. instead of ignoring all the lies and then going directly to the professor, it might have been a good idea to say something a bit earlier
i know confrontation is difficult, but even if you werent sure how to do it and werent excited about being a bridesmaid – she clearly thought of you as a friend and probably felt quite betrayed. especialliy since it was obvious it was you.
Things are going to be awkward now, its pretty much unavoidable. I do think you did the right thing by talking to the professor but i think the whole thing could have been handled better
Post # 14
Sorry you’re feeling bad – I think it will pass though! She sounds whacked out and you probably dodged a bullet there. What a bitch for not even telling you in person you were kicked out! Good riddance to her!