Post # 1
I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who can be controlling and opiniated. Normally not a problem, since we tend to agree on similar topics, but lately, with the wedding planning, this is becomming an issue. She is the only Bridesmaid or Best Man who lives nearby (my Maid/Matron of Honor and other BM’s live in NYC) and she was married two years ago.
What is the problem you might ask? She’ll have tons of advice for you! It will be grand. She lives nearby and can help, wonderful!…however, therein lies the problem.
I want to involve her and ask for her help and ideas, but it seems like she is trying to have a second vicarous wedding, through me! Instead of suggesting or commenting about ideas etc. she demands I have the menu X way or the centerpeices Y way. We (FI and I) haven’t made any big decisions yet and I don’t know if we will use her idea or not.
But the biggest problem? She is getting mad that I don’t love her suggestions! We’ve been friends for a long time and I don’t want to offend or hurt her feelings, she is one of my BMs!…but sheesh!
Suggestions, Comments, Kind words are all appreciated.
EDIT: and yes I am not a good speller…I know
Post # 3
She’s obviously trying to live vicariously through you. The truth is, decisions like centerpieces, invitation style, attire for bridal party etc. get made so quickly that it’s better if you just don’t involve anyone in the decision making process. Don’t tell her when youa re meeting wtih the florist or what you are considering. I didn’t even ask my BM’s for an opinion on the dress I picked out for them! I just made sure it was affordable.
Post # 4
Sorry, I know how frustrating that can be. I think your best bet would be to make your own decisions, and when you tell her what you’ve gone with, just explain that her way sounded good, but you like your way better.
Example, your colors are green and blue. She says “Oh you HAVE to have ice blue bridesmaid dresses! That will look so great in January!” You say thank you, consider her opinion, and make your own. Somehow you and your FH decide that the the BMs will be wearing pine green dresses with a robin egg blue sash. Tell her “We’ve decided to go with [xyz]. We are really excited about our choice, we feel that it’s very much our style.” If she starts to put down your choice or gets offended that you didn’t choose ice blue dresses, let her finish, then say “I know that you’re very excited to help me plan the wedding, and I love to bounce ideas off of you. However, this choice just reflects FH and me better.”
I had to use that same technique a MILLION times with my mom. Flowers, dresses, colors, location, food…I used the same “template” every single time we talked. She would say roses. I would say tulips. She’d freak out. I’d assure her that it was a good suggestion, but not “us.” It’s hard to argue with that answer!
Post # 5
Thanks so much ladies!! I appreciate it the suggestions.