(Closed) Bride paying for EVERYTHING herself

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 77
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If I were you I’d have a potluck wedding at my home or the home of a close relative. You can get an officiant to come out for less than $300 or have a friend get licensed to perform a ceremony for under $100. That way your family can share in your wedding for next to nothing. 

There is absolutely no reason to pay $12k to get married in the presence of your family unless you want to. 

Post # 78
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know its an old thread… but its a topic I guess would be pretty pertinent to some brides…

I looked this topic up. It has been getting me a little fustrated…

Post # 79
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m pretty much paying for everything (my parents gave me a few thousand which went towards my dress). However, my financee makes quite a bit more then me, and pays pretty much all of our exspenses (rent, car, etc). This has given me the opportunity to save a good chunk – (1-2K per month) which I am putting towards the wedding. So really, we are paying for the wedding since I don’t have the everyday costs that he takes on. We are still trying to keep it reasonable, but I’m finding it really hard to figure out how to stay under $20,000 even with 60 guests. We are planning a destination wedding, but it would be more exspensive to get married where we live (San Francisco). 

Post # 79
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know this is an old thread, but I have found zero advice online for brides who are fitting the wedding bill themselves. My fiancé and I are in a similar situation. I have a 6 figure salary and no debt and while he works very hard, he makes about a quarter of my income with a fair amount if student loan debt. He covers utilities and we split groceries but he really doesn’t have the expendable income which I understand. I tried to keep the wedding expenses to 30k but it has creeped up to 50k and I have kept my excess spending budget very tight to account for this. I feel a twinge of bitterness when I see him indulge, but I have to remind myself that I’m the one who wanted a fancy wedding, he’d be fine with going to Vegas! I accidentally let it slip that “I’m trying to pay for a wedding!” Which really offended him. Me being the primary breadwinner has always been a sore spot so I try never to make a big deal of it. Besides, we are becoming one unit and we each contribute in our own way. im curious if other ladies have dealt with any of these issues or are footing the wedding bill themselves. I just can’t relate to parents paying for wedding. Granted we are in our 30s, but I would feel extremely guilty taking any money from my retirement age parents to pay for any of this. Any others in my situation?

Post # 80
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I paid for our wedding pretty much by myself too BUT I am a sahm so on hubby’s income alone and with all the other stuff we had to pay, we would never have had the wedding I wanted.  Hubby didnt care if we had a wedding but I wanted the big party with all the wedding stuff so I got a pt job, which hubby helped me get and used pretty much all my money I saved from the job to pay for the wedding.  Right before the wedding, I became a sahm mom again.

No real advice except to say sometimes it is what it is.  You love your fi and you are getting married.  The wedding is one day and if you can afford the wedding without going into debt why not just enjoy the process.  You will enjoy the day (I hope).

Post # 81
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

I wouldn’t do a wedding if I had to pay for the whole thing myself. Especially as I’m the same as you in that the courthouse would be fine with me. It seems selfish that they would want you to have a wedding when you’re not that into it, and then not contribute at all. 

Post # 82
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

well, emi, I’m the one who wants a nice wedding. My fiancé is neutral I suppose. The one who is making me slightly crazy is my mother in law who is trying to control a lot of the details when I am the one paying for all of it. She is inviting a lot of her and his siblings friends that he has never met.  She is trying to change, food music and centerpieces and she even tried to invite his ex-girlfriend. Luckily he had my back but I was furious! I’m usually a laid back person but when it comes to this wedding I just want everyone to back off! Lol I guess it could be worse :/

Post # 83
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

Nar1982:  I am right there with you, I am a guy, but financially we are in the same situation. I make a lot (4x) more than she does, and I will be footing the bill for the wedding. I know where you are coming from whent you mentioned that you get jealous when you see him induldge, I have been in the same spot with my fiance. She hates that she can’t contribute more to the house hold regularly, so when she seed me get stressed about the wedding finances she takes it pretty hard. I am with you 100 percent on taking money from parents (and we are both 25). I am not sure that I can give you any advice to help, but I figured I’d let you know you aren’t the only one who feels this way.

Post # 84
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Thanks MakingherWait! I guess this is good practice for married life. I am constantly reassuring my fiancé that we are a team financially when he gets embarrassed about me paying for stuff. Now I have to remember to practice what I preach.

Post # 85
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

but, since you are getting married whatever he saves/ paysoff bennfits you both in the end … try and think beyond the wedding… my fiances fakily keeps trying to undermind our choices and pushing for more elaborate ones as well but, with no commitment to saying I will pay for this .. so we are planning as though we are paying for it ourselves and if anyone offers something then its justa bonus… but, Ive been taking their suggestion but, have had to put my foot down a few times and tell them its not up to them in the end when they have tried to tell me my idea is “not allowed” ….

Post # 86
Member
8 posts
Newbee

 

maganda :  OMG This is my exact situation…. Im curious how did it all work out?

Post # 88
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Wow it’s 2018 and I am in the same situation right now. Here in my country, the groom typically shoulders the wedding expenses or at least 50/50 sharing is practiced. But with my situation, I am just the one who has a job and my boyfriend is currently finishing his bachelor’s degree. We couldn’t wait as we feel we are getting old; we also want to be with each other already as we are in a slightly-LDR-situation for so many years now as I live in the north and he’s from the south. We see each other just once or 2x a month. We plan to get married next year but I am sure I’ll be paying for it 100% as he is still a student and finishing his thesis and software programs (his course is I.T) he is unable to get a part-time job as he is too busy and stressed over his thesis and software programming projects. What I worry about is the judgment of people that the right thing is that the groom should pay for it or atleast share 50% of it. And that thought makes me feel like I am buying my boyfriend to marry me, or that it’s not right for a girl to pay for her BIG DAY which is THE WEDDING. What are your thoughts? Hope you could all still reply. Thank you!

Post # 89
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I realize this is an old post but I just want to give my two cents about bearing the financial responsibility in a relationship or marriage. 

While I am not entirely in the same situation (my mom paid for about 30% of our wedding, DH’s family contributed about 15% and I paid for the rest), I understand being the sole responsible party when it comes to finances. I make 2x what my husband makes. He just received his AA degree and I am working on my 2nd Masters. I bear the responsibility of paying our mortgage, most of the wedding, and all of our bills – he simply transfers me a set amount each month (for now until we get around to making a joint account) and I handle EVERYTHING. So I understand the stress of being the bread winner. I too, cannot quit or get fired. But… 

I CHOSE THIS LIFE, and so did you. I chose to go to college for almost 10 years and work my behind off to make 6 figures. I chose to marry for love and not money and understood I was marrying someone with an academic and employment future not like my own. You sounded a bit upset that you have the responsibility and cannot be sick or miss work… yet that is the situation that 99% of the country is in when it comes to work! If you don’t want the stress of being the breadwinner, then you should have married for money… 

Post # 90
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I know this is old but just came across it. I am in same boat and I am resentful and frustrated over it too. I dont make a ton of money but am better off than he and am having to manage the household bills in addition to our 12 k budget wedding. This wasnt the original choice or goal just how it has ended up because a month after engagement he lost his job and took a lower paying job that now he barely makes enough to cover his personal debt. I try to encourage him to get a differnet job and or a second job but it dosnt encourage him it offends him and demasculates him. And each time I pay a bill I feel angry because it makes me feel like his mommy not his life partner… I don’t tell my friends or family that he is not contributing either because fear the backlash… he is in a slump and I want to be supportive, but it is really hard especially as the time  grows… the first 2 months was okay but were in month 4 now of me paying everything and the wedding is 7 months away. ….. and I almost feel paniked at thought is this how our life is going to be?  its a ridiculous thought to think I paid for my own engagement ring but these are thoughts I have and not comfortable with. I dont want marry someone for money.  In fact I have long history of always being the one financially better off which I am okay with, I just need to feel like we are in a partnership so me paying 100% doesnt sit well with me.  I need him to meet me at least at 30 % , 20%, even 15% something, .. I keep telling myself he is in a slump and will change, but i have an inner fear it might not……maybe its all cold feet?? 

What was the outcome of any other brides in this type situation? Did things improve, stay same , or worsen? 

The topic ‘Bride paying for EVERYTHING herself’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors