Post # 1
Looking for some insight..
Bare with me, I’m a first time bride’s maid. My bride lives in Madison WI and I’m in Thunder Bay Ontario Canada. I will not be able to attend her shower later this month, as I can’t afford to drive the 12hrs down & 12 hrs back 3x in 3 months. The exchange rate, of course, isn’t the greatest right now as well. I will be attending the bachelorette and of course the wedding.
Do I have to contribute to the overall shower cost?
Or can I just send a gift?
Post # 2
Have you been consulted by the Maid/Matron of Honor and the other BM’s to give you any input in the planning of the shower? If not, I would just send a small gift.
If you have had input in planning the shower and would be considered a hostess other than the fact that you won’t be able to attend, then I would contribute a share of the costs. That amount can still be less than the amount those members of the bridal party who are attending would contribute.
If I were the bride or the other BM’s I would not expect a financial contribution from someone we know can’t attend.
Post # 3
Are the other girls all contributing? If so, they may have budgeted for you to pay for a portion. I would suggest contacting one of the other bridesmaids to find out. If they are not expecting a contribution, just send a gift.
Post # 4
If I were planning the shower I’d expect nothing from you except a gift, but I have low expectations, lol. I would talk to whomever is in charge of this shower if you’re really concerned, otherwise I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222
I agree with PP. Unless you specifically designed or planned part of the shower, you can just send a gift. There isn’t really a reason for you to pay for a party you can’t attend, bridesmaid or not.
Post # 6
julies1949: Most of my consultation was with the bride directly, discussion what she envisioned. Actual shower planning has not been brought to my attention. All the girls, including the bride got together last weekend for 4th of July and spend the weekend crafting centre pieces. For the obvious reason of distance I was unable to attend.
I received a text from the Maid/Matron of Honor today and honestly was a little taken aback, and I’m left confused. The gist is she is trying to figure out how much the bridal shower will cost and how much everyone owes. Since I can’t go she feels bad including me in the cost. But, in the same breath she stated that all the stuff for the bridal shower is adding up and she don’t mind covering a little extra but I can’t afford the whole thing.
Post # 7
Send her a response that you hope everything goes well with the shower. Maybe mention that this is an example of one of the downsides of being an OTT Bridesmaid or Best Man, you can’t be involved in planning or hosting the shower.
Was it a group text to all the BM’s? Either way, I wouldn’t feel pressured to pay to host a shower that everyone knows you can’t attend.
Post # 8
It was an individual text. Thank you kindly for your input!