(Closed) Bride stuck in the middle of FI and Mom

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Can you give an example of how she has been taking over control?  I think it’s reasonable for her to want to give input as she is paying for your reception.  Keep her included but make sure you do your own research so when you show her the options, they’re all ones that you like.  Pick your battles also, and fight for the things that you really want but if there are some other things that she wants to keep the cost down on, let her.  That’s all general stuff though…

Post # 5
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Since your mom is paying for it, I think she does get input in whatever she pays for. But your Fiance is also entitled to an opinion on everything too. One way to go about it is to discuss everything with your Fiance first, then bring it to your mom. For example, you and your Fiance could pick 5 centerpieces that you both like and then bring those 5 ideas to your mom for a second round of opinions.

This was why Fiance and I paid for it ourselves, but we were very lucky to have been able to save the money beforehand to pay for it.

Post # 7
4332 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@orangefairy:  This is definitely some of the best advice.

However, I was in the same position and sometimes my mom would suggest something (or demand something) and want me to decide right then and there.  If that happens, the best thing in my experience was to just say “Let me talk to Fiance and get back to you.”  Sometimes, I’d have to repeat it over and over again – she didn’t love the concept, but had no choice but to accept it. Keep it as your go-to line and she’ll figure out that your Fiance is an important part of the wedding and your life!

I think our moms’ generation didn’t include men in the wedding part as much – mothers of the bride sort of ran the show, so it’s confusing to them at first.

Post # 9
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

with regards to your mom not thinking Fiance should be at the coordinator meeting- I don’t get it. I think that yes she should get input, but that doesn’t mean Fiance shouldn’t, and you guys can all compromise but just because she is paying doesn’t mean she gets to make a stink over Fiance being involved- it is AWESOME he is being involved. But I could have misread some of that too.

Post # 10
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

We all have to remember who is getting amrried>.. Bride and Groom. Therefore the groom also has a say. It’s HIS day too.

Regardless who pays, it’s not your mom’s wedding. She had her chance when she married your dad years ago, and I know it’s kind of difficult to pay for something and not have total control, I understand. But she has to understnd that there are two people getting married and she is not one of them. She is not paying for a normal generic party.

If it bothers you so much, decline her money and have a smaller reception that you two pay for. 

Post # 11
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s really sweet that your mom has offered to pay for things. But I would sit her down and tell her making fun of your Fiance for caring about his wedding is NOT acceptable. Tell her you LOVE that he wants to be involved and request that she NOT discourage it. You can say these things gently but I would still be firm about it.

Post # 12
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What strikes me is that you said your mother is the most important person in your life.  I understand that this has so far been true, but at some point in the near future, the most important person in your life needs to be your Fiance.  So, I agree with the PPs that you need to make sure your mom understands that your Fiance will be involved in the wedding planning.


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