Post # 1
I’m a newbee. First time poster, long time “reader-lurker” but happy I finally joined! Here goes! I feel like I’m failing at being a bride-to-be. I am just not excited about the concept of a wedding. The thought of wedding planning just makes me want to take a nap…but feel like I should want to do something. I would like my family and close friends to celebrate with us, especially since my parents are ill and it’s of great importance to them. But weddings are a lot of work and expensive. The only way a wedding + reception would get accomplished at this point would be if I hired a wedding planner to do everything for me and never bother me. But the thought of spending so much money on a wedding + reception is unsettling. Eloping seems like a really nice option to me!
I’m a tired NICU nurse, I work long hours, I’m also working towards getting my masters, I’m frugal, and rational. My FI says, “whatever you want darlin’ “… and whenever he says that my heart kinds sinks, because I feel like I should want to plan something for him, us, and our respective friends/families. I know my FI is not disappointed in me but I am in myself. We’ve been together 5yrs, we’ve lived together for 4yrs, he let me design my engagement ring… our life is not full-of-surprises and nothing much is really going to change after we get married. I’ve been coming down pretty hard on myself about my lack of enthusiasm, especially whenever anyone asks how the wedding planning is going and I have no answers for them. Is this common among soon-to-be brides? Has anyone else felt this way? Has anyone eloped? And if so, how did your friends and family react? I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Thanks Bees!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry, I often feel the same way. I start to think about it and I think I’d rather just elope cause as nice as it all seems (from really far away i.e. childhood) once you’re there it just seems like a headache and a big waste of money. Share your thoughts with your family and friends, maybe a planned elopement, which I guess is not technically eloping, may be the best option for you.
Post # 4
@beekeeper: There is always a compromise. If the thought of a large wedding with an expensive reception doesn’t work for you, but you don’t want to elope, give some thought to a late morning ceremony followed by brunch or an early afternoon ceremony with a cake and punch reception following.
Keep it simple with one attendant each, limit spending on decor- you won”t need candles in the daytime- no DJ, maybe a string quartet from the local college playing background music.
The important thing is that you celebrate your love, be joined in marriage and have your close friends and family wish you well.
Post # 5
Weddings don’t have to be expensive with lots of detail, nor are the only options full wedding and reception or bare-bones elopement or private ceremony; there are lots of options in between.
Julies1949’s suggestions are a great place to start.
Post # 6
@beekeeper: Do what feels right for the two of you. Soooo many options. What would be YOUR perfect wedding day ? 🙂
Post # 7
My uncle and his now wife got married at one of our occasional extended-family barbeque gatherings. We all just thought it was a normal catch-up, but they turned up (in plain clothes) with a registrar, and that was their wedding! No planning necessary aside from getting the registrar, it basically cost nothing, and people important to them were there!
Post # 8
I don’t know if this will make any sense, but the way that I see this is that because not much in your life will change after you get married, it’s really important for you to have a special day commemorating your commitment. It’s totally okay not to want a giant wedding with a ton of things to coordinate, which makes a ton of sense with a stressful career. You’re definitely not a failure! But I would think that later on, you might wish you’d done something special. Special doesn’t have to mean lavish, but this is a big step in your life (even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment) and putting together a simple ceremony and a nice meal (I love the brunch suggestion) for the people in your life doesn’t have to be super overwhelming if you keep it simple. Focus on the few details that would really mean something to you!
Do you have a friend or family member who is good at this stuff and can guide you, or even handle a lot of the details for you? Finding someone to lean on who can take charge where you can’t (and who doesn’t require payment, LOL) could be the key to getting all of this done.
Sometimes celebrating ourselves feels like a waste of time and effort, but everyone deserves that special day.
Post # 9
My husband and I eloped! The idea and expense of planning something big wasn’t what I wanted. I am super glad we eloped. It was really special.
Post # 10
FI and I recently decided on a small, immediate family only wedding. When we first started planning our guest list grew past 100 quickly because I have a big family that actually stays in touch. Just trying to plan something for 100+ people was stressing me out and I never wanted to think about it. We’re going to have 20-30 people, a short ceremony, and minimal details like favors and decorations.
i feel so much better about it. It feels more like us. You are not alone getting stressed by too much wedding stuff.
Post # 11
@UKayla: Thank you so much for your insight! Yeah, the regret of not having a party/celebration is something I fear, for sure! But I also fear spending lots of money. Some of the nurses I work with who had simple, civil ceremonies have talked about how much they regret not having even a small and modest celebration. My FI and I discussed it, we’re going to postpone the wedding and give ourselves a year to set aside money for a simple wedding and to hire a wedding planner so I don’t have to over-exert myself with the planning. If we can’t meet our goal, we’re going to elope.
Post # 12
@iloverocks:Thank you! It’s SO great to hear from someone who eloped and had a positive experience. At this point, we’re 60% leaning towards elopement. The more we plan, the more we lean! When I think of dedicating a year to put money aside for a wedding, I can’t help but think of how hard my FI and I had to work to earn that money and how we could put that money to a more rational/practical use… like putting a down payment on a house. Time will tell how we end up making our “special day” special.
If you don’t mind my asking, and if you don’t mind sharing, where’d you go and what did you do for your elopement? If we elope, I know this sounds cliché, but we’d probably go to Paris or Greece, and combine the elopement into honeymoon/vacation.
Post # 13
@copperbird90: Thank you for sharing 🙂 That must’ve been an amazing surprise. Love it!
Post # 14
@beekeeper: I was not excited about planning a wedding either.. I have been engaged for over a year and it took me the last 5 months befeore I am getting married to REALLY get into the planning and get excited about it.
Here were my reasons of not being excited…
- I knew I could never afford my dream wedding, all the flowers, lighting, the amazing planner, a stress free day ( so that put a huge damper on the planning)
- I am worried it might rain and ruin everything as the reception is outside and the really is no back up plan but getting tents to cover
- Weddings are way too expensive and knowing we are going to spend $20,000 on an Okay wedding but not my dream wedding also made me NOT in the wedding mood.
- All of the stress of planning, getting the bridesmaids to buy their dresses, organize the bridal shower figuring out the colors…ITS FREAKIN STRESSFUL!
Here is what help me get into the mood 🙂
- Hiring an AMAZING PLANNER For not that much money! $2,000!
- Having the bridesmaid purchase their dresses and had the bridal shower early , gave me plenty of time to write thank you note’s and focus on the bachelorette and wedding.
- Figuring out that WE CAN have ALL the amazing flowers we want for under $1,000! Buying vases from the dollar store, flowers from sam’s club
- The More you get taken care of the more excited you WILL GET! Get your maid of honor and bridesmaid to help you plan things, and for idea’s it HELPS A Lot!
Post # 15
@beekeeper: Also Have you thought about having a small wedding, like inviting only 100 people them maybe 60-80 will come, it will be a lot cheapers:)
Post # 16
@BrideToBe14: Thank you for your honesty and GREAT suggestions! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one bummed out by all the planning reality and details! I’m definately going to take note of all of these tips and am hopefull they’ll help make this a happy and less stressful experience again. If we follow through with the wedding & reception we wouldn’t plan on having any more than 80 people. Oh, and I will certainly be hiring a wedding planner b/c $2,000 is a bargain to safeguard my sanity 😉