(Closed) Bride vs. Groom. What do you do?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
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  • Post # 17
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I agree with ppl that you should find a compromise.  I understand the feeling of wanting it your way because you are the bride, but you have to remember that it is not just your day, it is a day for both of you to celebrate with the people you care about.  I say figure out a list that works for both of you.  

    Post # 18
    Member
    3372 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I understand because I am a bride that wanted a small wedding so that I could splurge on details. I am very quality over quantity minded in general, so it would be really hard for me to invite more people and compromise on details. Luckily, my groom doesn’t care and we both only want our closest relatives and friends there. We don’t need distant cousins who we only see once every 10 years to attend.

    If both parties are adamant then I think there is no other option but to meet in the middle. Otherwise I feel like there is going to be some resentment.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Well, I was a bride who wanted to elope, and Fiance is a groom who wants to be surrounded by family and friends.

    What did we do?

    We are getting married, surrounded by family and friends and spending a lot more money than this bride really wanted! I realized it was so much more important to him that his family and friends were there – and it’s his day, too! My desire to elope was based partly on fear (it can get scary), partly on cost, and partly on wanting to be able to focus my attention on the details.

    The comprimise was that my Fiance has to do at minimum 50% of the planning if he wanted a wedding that big, and he’s found that he loves it and I’ve found that I 100% trust him to make a major wedding decision on his own. I took charge of all the details, and realized that I care more about the experience our guests have rather than the tiny little decorations that no one will notice.

    Sometimes I still want to kick and scream about costs and planning stress. I’d been taking it out on him for a while, when one day it dawned on me that this was my issue – and after that, I made an appointment with a therapist to talk about it and have been doing much better.

    Any wedding can be “nice” and one of the things we found early on was that the more expensive venue didn’t have much respect for us. We almost went with them, until they started trying to milk us for more money.
    Our venue now includes much more, at a better price, and are really open and easy to talk to. Our guests are going to have a blast there.

    Is it worth it to fight over a wedding venue? No, not really.
    My personal opinion is that if he wants people there, that’s not too much to ask for – like I said, it’s his wedding too.

    Post # 22
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If you kick and scream because you’re the bride then your Fiance will just kick and scream because he’s the groom and you guys will get exactly nowhere.  I do not understand the attitude that the bride is more important than the groom and should get her way just because she’s “the bride”.  Yeesh.

    There’s no right answer to this.  I can tell you though that being surrounded by those who love you is so much more important than the nice but frivolous details that have a way of eating up a budget.  

    Post # 23
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Compromise.  You can always find a middle ground.  

    Post # 24
    Member
    1451 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @DC_ChicagoBride:  how many people do you want there? How many does he want? Go for the middle # and be done with it.

    Post # 25
    Member
    730 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @DC_ChicagoBride:  Based off of your previous post and this one I think a serious sit down between you and your fiancé needs to be had. In the previous post and this one you mention how it’s his mama and all of her friends which doesnt truly equate to people YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND want there. You stated his mom/parents are only contributing 25% of what it would cost to cover the addt’l folks (I assume that cost doesnt include the guest list you currently have?). Simply put, not fair and not your problem as a couple.

     

    This is a wedding for and about you and your fiancé so what happens should be determined by the both of you. His mother had her turn to get married so what she may want at this point is of no consequence to you guys unless she ponies up some more cash. The compromise to be reached is one based off of the wants of you two and you two ALONE.

     

    Have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your fiancé; let him know how deeply this is stressing you, how you had your ideas/dreams of a wedding and how badly you need his support. Let him know you completely understand his mother’s desire to have the world see her son get married but its not feasible nor is it fair that you two should foot the bill of his mother’s desires. This will truly prove to be a test of his support and commitment to you because if what you said about him not being too involved until his mother said something rings true – you have an even bigger issue on your hands. Good luck!

    ETA: Oh hey, there’s always skype!

       

     

    Post # 26
    Member
    803 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

    Sounds like there needs to be some comprimise. Who’s paying?
    I the cheaper venue hideous? Maybe there is a third option that you both like?
    If he wants to invite people, it would be hard for me to tell him no. Weddings are about people not the atmosphere.

    Post # 27
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Sounds like my situation!

     

    I wanted to elope, and my fiance wanted a huge wedding. We compromised and capped it out at 150 (which considering the size of his family and friends is really not a lot).

    It still feels huge to me, but I’m doing my best to plan it and I’m getting myself excited for all the things that DO come with a big (ish) wedding. I get to buy a dress and all this pretty stuff, and look at flowers, the least I can do is try to compromise on the size. After all, planning a wedding is stressful for guys too, and I want him to be excited about it and feel like he has ownership in it.

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