Post # 1
so, here’s the rundown of the past couple months of wedding planning:
planned a beautiful may wedding in the garden of my dreams. PERFECT.
may doesn’t work, found a lovely inn for a july wedding.
july doesn’t work, december destination wedding! whoo!
economy sucks – no more d.w.
so, now we’re stuck here. i guess i’ll be having the church wedding i dreamed of as a little girl. that’s fine, i suppose. but the problem: the reception. i don’t want what everyone else we know has done. i don’t want to rent a hotel ballroom. i don’t want bunch of tables packed in like sardines with overworked centerpieces. i’m not saying weddings in ballrooms aren’t beautiful – i’ve been to some beautiful ballroom weddings. it’s just not me. at all. apparently, though, its my fiance. i found a g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s renovated 1915 theater that has converted it’s theater seats to lounge type areas, and it’s just perfect for an hors d’ourves reception. i looove it. fiance wants a ballroom with round tables, which i REFUSE to have. they’re opposites… i’m STUCK. what do i do? HELP!
Post # 3
Vote your fiance off the island.
Hmmm. I like your idea!!! I say- (see I like off the ball locations, it’s such a conversation starter)… maybe make a game of it??? Have some people over and have a dinner where people get to vote where they would like to go to see if this recruits your hubby-to-be in on it?
If that doesn’t work… Veto any idea he has. (but that is the inner devil in me saying that…) I really really like your idea! It sounds so creative.
I don’t think I helped. =o) Stick to your guns!
Post # 4
Is there any way you can compromise? What if you rented the hotel ballroom, but still had the hors d’ourves reception. Set up cocktail tables and lounge areas through out the ballroom instead of your standard seated dinner. Is there anyway you can do the theater venue with more of what he wants? What about a venue in the middle…not sure what that would be though. Maybe a country club, something outside, etc.
Your options are endless, but I think you can both get what you want if you just talk it out and work together.
Don’t stress…it will all work out in the end!
Post # 5
If he wants the ballroom give him the ballroom with your own spice. Have some round tables mixed with cocktail tables and rectangle tables. Set up a loungy area in another part of the reception filled with couches, ottomans and coffeetables and lots of candles. This will help with the mingling and causal feel you want but also give him his formal. Good luck!
Post # 6
Sparkles, you make me laugh!!!
I am an unconventional, I-don’t-want-a-ballroom-or-anything-else-that-other-people-have-had person too! I want my wedding to be unique and unforgetable, just the way you do! (not trying to say ballroom weddings are bad, it’s just not me)
Has he visited both places? Have you shown him inspirational pictures of what you want? Does he understand your "vision" or just see it as some old theatre? Sit down and have a conversation about it. Show him your stuff and put on your most convincing smile and talk about the theatre in a way that would appeal to him. Offer "special" favors to him! haha! Don’t trash the ballroom and his idea, just prove to him that yours is better! Also, show how well your color scheme and decoration ideas would look at your venue choice!
Post # 7
Sadly, marriage is all about compromise. If you have significantly different taste, this is far from the last time you and your Fiance will have very different ideas about how something should be done.
What you need to do is figure out why he wants the reception he envisions, and what are the most important parts of that vision for him. You do the same for your vision. Then you need to find a common idea that preserves as many of those really important "must-have" ideas as possible, for both of you. Maybe he has some very practical reasons that the theater space seems like a bad idea to him, and listening to them would actually help you plan something better. Maybe your main desire, to do something very different from anything you’ve seen, is a little beyond his comfort level. Either way, it’s a great opportunity to practice some of the skills that you’re going to need to make your marriage work in the long run!
And do remember, it’s his wedding too. I would think that you’re lucky if he cares enough to be involved – you can find all kinds of posts on these boards from brides whose FIs won’t even look at their ideas, because they don’t see even being interested in the planning as part of their job description. If your Fiance wants to be involved and has his own ideas, that is actually great in a lot of ways!
Post # 8
thanks for all of your wisdom and advice, ladies. sparkles gave me a good giggle, and brief flash back to my spice girls days "GIRL POWER!"
i wrote this, because i really want to compromise, but i just don’t know how. i’m thrilled that he wants to be invovled, and i want him to love our wedding just as much as i know i will. i just don’t see a happy medium between those two things. the problem with renting a ballroom and then decking it out all "loungey" is that that costs a lot of extra money. we’ve acquired a new, not-so-glamourous budget. we would need to rent couches, ottomans, mood lighting, and those sorts of things. eek.
we have an appointment in november to go take a look at the theater, even though he is far from excited about it. maybe i can win him over…? if not, we’re in trouble.
in case he hates it and we have to ditch both ideas — does anyone have any venue ideas that are unique and fun?
Post # 9
See- the unique and fun thing works if there are a couple of factors that both of you take into consideration
a) Obviously- budget. b) Pick a place that might have some sort of background history that relates to you two. My Fi and I picked a vineyard/garden that is outdoors. We aren’t formal people and love wine so the ambiance of the local was important for us to match with our personalities…. Seriously. I feel your pain. The very first venue where my fi said "I like it, it is really nice" we booked it. End of Story. End of torture. Because I knew there would be so many other ‘compromises’ to be made- but once he and I both liked a place that he would even consider it, I was like "SCORE! DONE! -Next on the list…caterer." c) Since you said you are going to a church beforehand- consider the distance to and from. Especially for out of towners… But this isn’t too important. If whatever you find is something you both can agree on, and it fits in the budget. Then go for it regardless of the distances between locations.
I would start with- what would be a place that is meaningful to the both of us? That speaks to our history as a couple. Because I think it adds a little more depth to the occasion. But that’s my opinion. I have heard of wedding at a public park, a library, a university’s conference center, gardens, historical landmarks, backyards, receptions at people’s favorite restaurants. My uncle is a wedding photographer, and he said the most meaningful wedding he had EVER been to was one where they simply went to a restaurant and were surrounded by people who embraced the couple, and the couple were undoubtedly in love. The budget was small- but he said the sheer emotion of the gathering beat any expensive wedding he had ever been to. That is another thought. Just cherish being together and no matter where you are- it isn’t as important as who you are with.
But it doesn’t change the fact that I vote for the theatre location.
Post # 10
Oooh! This is a tough one and an issue that I am also working through. I have very traditional/elegant taste and Fiance has very contemporary/casual taste. So far, we have had to compromise. I’ve “won” on the items that were very important to me (color scheme, venue, etc.) and he has “won” on the items that are important to him (having his cousin (who went to seminary) deliver the words on marriage instead of a pastor), having a band, etc.). Good luck and keep us posted on what happens!
Post # 11
What state are you looking at?
Post # 12
@ sparkes: the theater does seem like us to me. that’s why i was so excited to show him. we’re both moving watching/loving people who are very casual far from refined. honestly, we’re both very "unique" so it seems perfect to me. i think his problem is what other people will think of it. his family’s very traditional, and i think he’s scared they won’t like it. i think i’m going to ask him to show me some pictures of what his idea of the perfect reception is, and we’ll work from there.
@ erinmariemack: i’m really hoping i "win" out on this one too!! good luck to you too!
@ emilybrooke: virginia!
Post # 13
I love the theater idea. Is there any possibility of moving some of the lounge furniture out and getting some tables in for a more formal dinner. I’m picturing old b&w home movies of you and your families playing on the screen all night. It would be so Golden Globes!!! 🙂