Post # 1
Good evening (or morning, depending on where you are), Bees!
I’m Maid/Matron of Honor for a wedding and am SO excited to plan the bachelorette party for my dear friend. She originally said she wanted a board game night in someone’s basement, but we talked and agreed on renting a cabin in the Ozarks and doing wine/board game at night and mimosas/bagels/cappuccinos (I have a machine) in the morning. 7pm-10am. Super chill and relaxing, but still classy.
But then as I started getting quotes and sending her updates, it became very clear she expected the whole thing to cost… nothing.
I’m completely in favor of HER way being fully covered, and I was more than willing to foot the bill for all the alcohol and food.
But then she told me she wanted to invite 20 people, so I said “great! More people = larger cabin = less per person”. She responded asking how much per person, and I said probably $40. She said that was too much, and that most of her guests wouldn’t be able to afford it. I understand that most of her guests are early 20’s, college students, etc. so I tried to work around, figuring out a smaller cabin with “sleeping bag on the floor option” and even got it down to $25/person (for an overnight stay, wine, and brunch). I thought I’d done good! But nope… she said it was still too much.
Now she’s saying she wants dinner and an overnight hotel stay in her city. Not classy, and would still be $25-$40/person.
Do I just go back to her original (lame, IMO, but not my party) idea of a friend’s basement? Or do my husband and I offer to pay $550+ for the whole cabin, so all her guests are covered? We’re not wealthy by any stretch, but maybe that would be a good (expensive) wedding gift? I don’t know what to do. I’m frustrated but I still want her to have a better bachelorette party than a 9th grader game night. But am I pushing my own way?
Haha what are your thoughts?
Post # 2
If the guests can’t afford a measly $40 for a bachelorette party they probably shouldn’t be even participating in said bachelorette party if you ask me…. Personally I like the idea of the cabin, but if she wants a free bachelorette party maybe the game night in someone’s basement is the way to go.
It also doesn’t make sense to me why she is changing her mind when it would STILL COST $40. That defeats the purpose doesn’t it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
If she wants something super low key and people can’t afford the options you’ve presented so far, I say go with the basement. At the end of the day a bachelorette party is about people gathering to spend time with the bride and have fun and being supportive. All of that can take place in a basement, even if it’s not the typical way people celebrate. And considering she’s totally on board, I don’t see any reason for you to stress yourself out or come out of pocket more than is necessary.
Post # 4
You’ve already been extremely generous in offering to pay for what you have. No way should you shoulder the whole cost for her and twenty (!!!) of her friends. If they can’t afford $25 for their accommodation/food/drinks, then they don’t have to come. The bride sounds extremely rude and ungrateful.
Post # 5
Covering the bride is a no-brainer but all the guests should contribute. They also should expect to if they’re going to a bachelorette party. Not sure how you can tell her that’s craziness to expect them to pay less than $25 for a night away… But I guess if she or they are not willing, then back to the basement it is! It’s what she wants for her bachelorette party so I guess it doesn’t need to be anything more.
Post # 6
I dont think its fair that even if its on someone elses basement you will still be expected to cater the food and drinks..
Could you discuss with her getting the email addresses of her guests and putting it to them. A few hens I have been to have contacted guests individually beforehand to let them know of costs and ask if there were any concerns.
That way you could say it would only be approx $40 pp but whatever people can contribute is also fine. I did this with a group wedding gift and most people could give the full amount but a few couldnt so I just covered their cost.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
What’s wrong with a board game night? And why is a hotel stay “not classy?”
If she doesn’t care if the party is in a basement with board games then just go with that. I think it’s great that you have been trying to do something a bit different but it sounds like she would rather have all of her friends participate instead of leaving people out that can’t pay.
I personally would not pay the $550 to cover the whole cabin. I would just plan the basement party.
ETA: I agree with those who are saying it’s a steal/good price. However, just because something is a good price doesn’t mean that everyone can afford it. At this point in my life I would happily pay $40 for this party and offer to bring food/more alcohol. However, college me would struggle to come up with this.
For some people it’s more important to have their friends there than have a fancy party. I think it’s really nice you’re trying to do something different but in this case I think you just need to go with the bride’s obvious priority of having friends come over a ‘fancier’ party.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
40 bucks is a steal In My Humble Opinion, if they can’t afford that very reasonable price for all the fun, then they should decline the invitation, like any other party with a cost. I’d get a headcount of who can afford the price and adjust the plans accordingly down to a cabin of appropriate size for all that can FOR SURE attend.
Also, a dinner and hotel stay can TOTALLY be classy (not in the same way as a fabulous cabin, but certainly not slumming!) and I was a bachelorette in two weddings that both had bach parties in a hotel room overnight! We had a blast. I’d touch base with her and tell her your concerns with covering/distributing the cost and have HER decide what she really wants to do. If she insists on the game night, then do that, but if not then you get to do it how you want and set the price for everyone.
Post # 9
Wtf. Stuff cost money. 40 is a freaking steal for a night any where with dinner and breakfast. Tell her she’s insane. I would most certainty not foot the 500 bill myself for her.
Post # 10
The basement party/board game night sounds fun to me.
If someone offered me an overnight stay for $40, I’d be super pleased, that’s a good deal. If her friends can’t afford it though, I’d just cover the board game night. You shouldn’t pay for the cabin though.
Post # 11
Have you asked her for all these girls’ email addresses? Then you can talk to them directly about your thoughts and what they think they can afford. Either way, they have to spend some money if they want to participate. I don’t think it’s fair if you cover all the food and booze costs yourself even if you stay at a friend’s house.
Post # 12
As a current college student i can definitely say I would not be able to afford $40. Now, if I REALLY wanted to go and had enough notice I might be able to scrape it up, but Unless it’s something I budget for in advance it’s not going to happen.
eta: I would follow the poster above mines advice and email the girls directly. They might surprise you with how much they are able/willing to spend
Post # 13
You should absolutely not feel like you have to cover the cost of $500+ cabin. If the bride is really against $25-$40 per guest (VERY reasonable, IMO), then go with the basement idea.
Post # 14
Benni: It sounds like she originally asked for something inexpensive enough and fun for the people she wanted to invite. Then you decided that wasn’t classy enough and planned something else, which she was fine with until you told her how much it was going to cost. So, knowing the guests budgets, she’s asking if it can go back to the inexpensive idea. I’d say that’s pretty damn classy of her, and shitty of you to call it lame and “9th grade” and not classy. How did you end up her Maid/Matron of Honor with this kind of gross judgemental attitude?
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor
I don’t think you should pay for it at all- it’s very reasonable to ask guests to chip in for accomodations. If she’s really against it, just do the wine/games and sleepover in the basement and do the same brunch. You said you were fine paying for the food and wine, so the actual location shouldn’t make too much of a difference. You can also collaborate with the friend whose basement is being offered and see what you can do to decorate it, make it cute. The party is for her, so I wouldn’t judge her ideas as being too “9th grade”