(Closed) Bride with Manipulative Father – ADVICE NEEDED

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
21 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

Sorry not trying to be rude but it sounds like your interest is on how much your father can financially contribute and not in honoring him.

Post # 4
102 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your dad but I do not feel that you should depend on him financially. Plan the wedding that you can afford and be thankful for those who are willing and able to contribute. Maybe ask if he can contribute towards something specific if you think he feels an obligation to contribute, maybe he can buy the cake or something not as expensive.

Post # 5
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t expect him to contribute. You won’t feel guilty for planning the wedding you want if you pay for it yourself.

Post # 6
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Dude was just in prison, I don’t think I would be expecting much monetary wise. Maybe all he can offer is places that he knows will give him a good deal since they are friends.

Post # 7
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You can have the wedding you want in the town you want, just don’t expect your father to contribute financially. When someone (including a parent) contributes to your wedding, I believe they get to have some amount of say unless they stipulate otherwise. You can still honor your father and both of you can respect each other even if he doesn’t give you money and you have the wedding at a different location.

Post # 8
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Your father is just out of prison, trying to get his life back together, and you are expecting him to provide financial support for your wedding?

Maybe it’s just the way you wrote the post, but it really sounds like that’s all you care about. I don’t blame him for blowing up at you after you called to pester him about money for your wedding- people say a lot of things they don’t mean when they’re angry, and maybe he didn’t really know how to tell you that he doesn’t have money to throw at your party when he’s trying to get his life back together. I’ve never been in jail, but I bet the income for someone while in jail is, well, nil, and the jobs being offered to ex-cons are not exactly making anyone a millionaire anytime soon. I think you need to 1) get a reality check about your father’s situation in life and 2) look elsewhere for your wedding funds.

Post # 9
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Clearly he probably doesn’t have the funds to contribute. If you truly are concerned about your relationship work on that and leave money out of the equation. Pestering him for money is not “including him”  in the wedding. You or your inlaws don’t have the right to decide to split the wedding three ways. They should discuss if they want to contribute, and you decide how much you can afford. You shouldn’t assume your Dad has the funds and from what you said it seems like he doesn’t.

I also would go againist confront about how much money he could give, i see this as being rude and embarrasssing him by confront him about money in front of friends and family. The motavation behind this confrontation seems to be about money, because from what you said he has talked to you about the wedding.

If you want your father invovled in your life and wedding work on personal issues and leave the money out of it. You guys aren’t entitled to him paying for part of your wedding, even if it would be a nice gesture on his part.

Post # 10
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When or if somebody in your life offers to help pay for a wedding, it is a gift.  So, just like you wouldn’t tell somebody “you need to give me a check for $1,000 for Christmas”, you also can’t tell somebody that they should contribute $xx for your wedding and expect it to be received favorably.  Since you have tried to open a discussion about whether your father wanted to contribute and that didn’t go so well, that generally means that the answer is no, he is either uninterested or unable to contribute, and it’s time to adjust your plans as necessary.

Post # 11
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Most folks do not have a lot of money when they get out of prison, and perhaps your Dad simply can not afford to provide financial support for the wedding. And he is not obligated to do so. Have the wedding you want and do not count on him contributing.

Post # 12
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agree with PPs

Post # 13
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m going through a very similar experience with my future-in-laws. They insist on having the wedding in their hometown and use any money their contributing as leverage. And it’s not always easy to say no to the money, not just because it’s a huge help in planning a wedding, but also because some family members take it as an insult if you don’t want their money!

From what you said, it sounds as though your father only wants to contribute money if it goes where he wants it to go. This would be fine if he were paying for the bar at the reception, or the cake or flowers or something, but it’s a little hard to have him dictate where the wedding is, and for him to abuse you and/or refuse to talk to you when you seem to be disagreeing with him.

If you can, I’d tell him not to worry about the money and you and your fiance plan for a wedding that you can afford. Let him know that he is welcome to contribute at any time (in ways that are okay with you), and that you still want him there for all his roles (if you want him walking you down the aisle, giving a speech, etc.).
Of course, this is all easier said than done. I’m still trying to figure out how to say all this to my in-laws, so let me know how it works for you!! Smile 

Post # 14
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You have to remember that NO ONE including your father, is entitiled to pay for your wedding. You and your Fi decided to get married so you are responsible for paying for it. I think its selfish that you expect for him to contribute when he jsut got home from prison. Of course he is broke. Be an adult, stop being selfish and try to be understanding to his situation.


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