(Closed) Bridemaid possibly not coming to destination wedding :(

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
12320 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Since these are both DWs, and she had already agreed to be in your wedding, she can’t really use the excuse that destination weddings are inconvenient and expensive. 

It’s simple.  She commited to you, so she should honor that, not back out to be in another friend’s wedding instead. Honestly, what she’s doing is not right. I would not hide the fact that you are disappointed in her decision to back out. Some best friend, IMO. 

Post # 17
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I feel for both you and your friend. This is a terrible situation with no easy way out.

However I do NOT understand how your friend can support a marriage where her friend is being abused. That is incomprehensible to me.

Post # 19
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

to help cut costs, maybe you can have her stay with you for a night? (I did that the night before the wedding for a few bridesmaids/gfs who were traveling by themselves so they didn’t have an extra night of hotel costs).

Post # 20
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds like she truly can’t afford both — but it sucks that she opted out of your wedding after committing to it. I agree with others that the polite thing to do is to honor your first committment. 

Post # 21
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’ve got basically two choices:

Dig in your heels and focus on the fact that she accepted her role in your wedding before this other bride popped up, and allow yourself to feel hurt and even resentful;

Or accept that her heart is in the right place even if her wallet and calendar can’t be, and be gracious about accepting her declining your invite.

While it’s true, we should honor the commitments we make before we make more commitments, the fact remains that she has already accepted this other commitment, and that she’s very possibly not going to be able to do both things.  It’s not a good way to do things, but it’s already been done and now the ball is in your court. You can choose if this turns into a permanent bad memory (which could possibly damage the friendship) or not.

Post # 22
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mrsjenie:  Also who knows… if you said this couple has been on and off and only on for a few months now, their wedding could get cancelled. Not trying to be a pessimist…. but it could work out for you!

Post # 23
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry but what she did was rude.

What she should’ve told her second friend was “I’m already comitted to so and so’s wedding so let me get back to you”. To completely abandon you after making a comitment months ago is disrespectful. And for those saying she is being torn apart..errr. maybe but the right thing to do is let her other friend sown who she hans’t yet committed to and be torn up that she can’t attend not to be torn up about going aginst her word to the OP

Sorry you are going through this but .. as t they say… people really show who they are when wedding bells start ringing

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