Post # 1
Long story short, I’m likely to get engaged shortly before visiting a group of college friends. It’s the first time since graduation that our whole group will be together, and it’s l likely to be the last time for a while, too. I want them all to be my bridesmaids, and I am beginning to wonder if I should go ahead and ask them while we’re all together as a surprise. I’m hesitant because it seems soon to ask: my engagment will likely last at least a year and a half.
Ladies with experience: how soon is too soon to officially ask your friends to be in your wedding party? Is doing it in person much more fun than sending a cute little letter or package in the mail? I worry that I’m perhaps getting ahead of myself: I will have only been engaged for like, a week or less. On the other hand, it would be nice to seize this opportunity for us all to celebrate in the same place.
Post # 2
I waited until I had a date set in case someone already had plans or would have to start saving for it or something like that. But also everyone I asked had been expecting it so it wasn’t like a total surprise. I got engaged at the beginning of June and asked my bridesmaids in mid July. I say if you want to do it in person, there’s no such thing as too early
Post # 3
I asked early on, I went on to regret that… wish I’d waited until closer to my wedding so I’d had a chance to see how my bridesmaid felt in regards to my wedding and how much time she had to spare to even talk about things
Post # 4
If you are sure you want them to stand with you on your wedding day, then you can ask them as soon as you want to! I definitely think it would be more special to be asked in person, rather than over the phone or by mail.
Post # 5
I really think you should wait. You don’t know if people will come in and out of your life. You don’t know how big the wedding will be. Seriously, there are plenty of posts here from people who wished they waited.
Post # 6
I asked all of my friends very early on, because I’ve had the same friends for years and I’m not really one to switch up my friend group or have any type of argument with them! I think a lot of people’s drama with bridesmaids existed before they were bridesmaids, tbh, and if I can’t stay close friends with someone for a year+ until my wedding, I can’t say I would want them to stand with me anyways! As long as it’s a strong friendship, I’d say you can ask whenever you have a date set!
Post # 7
I would wait a bit. I definitely wouldn’t do it more than a year out. There are plenty of threads on here about people who asked their bridesmaids immediately and went on regret it because things changed or they realised they hadn’t thought it through. I’m not saying that will happen to you, but it won’t do any harm to wait. If you’re already hesitant about it just give yourself time to chill out. Plus I LOVE getting cool things in the mail, getting a little package and wondering what it is would be so fun.
Also a year and a half is just a really long time for people to maintain excitement, I’d wait until it all gets a bit more real and they can start doing wedding stuff if they want to.
Post # 8
I’m thinking you all are right! I didn’t realize that picking too early can end up leading to regret. Fingers crossed that that would never happen, but you never know…
Thanks for the advice! I think I’ll wait and then just put a little more effort into sending them a cute package when the time comes.
Post # 9
I asked my bridesmaids in March 2014 for my October 2015 wedding. It really wasn’t an issue for me, seeing as these were my closest friends. DH and I planned everything very, very early on. Date, venue, hotel for guests, and hair/makeup were booked almost immediately, so I ended up giving my gals PLENTY of time to plan ahead.
One of the reasons I asked my bridesmaids so early is because it felt . . . disingenuine to talk about the wedding acting as if I didn’t already know I was going to ask them to be bridesmaids just for the sake of the Pinterest proposals. The day after I got engaged I grabbed coffee with two of my best friends and one of them immediately said, “We’re bridesmaids, right?” and I didn’t want to side step or evade the question so I replied they were. One of my friends had a two year engagement and she waited until six months before the wedding to “officially” ask any of us. We got these big, elaborate boxes and proposals and it just kind of felt like, “Um…I mean, yeah. I thought you had already asked us?” because we had talked about being bridesmaids already.
My vote is for this: If you are absolutely sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that these are the girls who you want to be in your wedding, then I would ask them in person. If you have any misgivings, wait until it is closer to the wedding.
Post # 10
the ‘offical’ advice from many books/websites is to ask 9 months before the wedding (alhough 6-12 is within fair range – dresses are usually ordered/bought at the 6 month mark)
your not suppose to ask more than a year in advance as so much can change in that time and not just falling outs but lots of things from wedding size/location to life issues like a bridesmaid getting pregnant and been due around the wedding ect…
I would also wait until your engaged to worry about this, putting the cart before the horse rarely works out well
Post # 11
I would say don’t ask them in person in case they have to think about it. They might have concerns about money, time commitment, their own schedules (what if you want a destionatin wedding while they’re TTC?), and so one. I think putting them on the spot would be a little stressful. Wait until closer to the wedding AND give them time to process it before expecting an answer.
Post # 12
I got engaged Sept 17th. I am planning to ask on Christmas day. Give me some time to enjoy my fiancée and get some details nailed down.
Post # 13
I would ask in person. I very much regret waiting to ask, and in fact have not yet asked still, and it’s causing a huge headache now. I don’t understand how people on here can change their minds about it – the girl I’m planning to ask who I have known the shortest has still been a friend for 8 years, so we aren’t going to suddenly have a change of heart in the next year, and there’s definitely not going to be some rando coming into my life who I’ve known for less than a year who I suddenly want to replace my decades old friends/family with.
As long as your situation is similar and you know you won’t change your mind, don’t put off asking. It will just give your friends hurt feelings when they see you planning and assume you decided to leave them out of your wedding party because you haven’t asked yet.
If they want to think about it they’ll say so. If one of them ends up pregnant or something and can’t do it anymore you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. Neither of those are good reasons to wait or to not ask in person.
Post # 14
I waited too long to ask my best friend from high school and he’s a pilot and is switching airlines at the new year. He knows he is only going to be guaranteed one weekend off a month and he’s in another wedding the same month as mine, so he had to say no. I asked all people who don’t live in the same state as our wedding pretty far in advance because of travel arrangements and so they could book cheep flights. I asked them all 18-13 months before the wedding. I asked him 13 months out. So you definitely need to find a balance.