(Closed) Bridemaid "proposal" timing – in person or wait?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I wait to ask my bridesmaids, or go ahead and ask them in person?

    Wait!

    Go ahead and ask!

  • Post # 2
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I waited until I had a date set in case someone already had plans or would have to start saving for it or something like that. But also everyone I asked had been expecting it so it wasn’t like a total surprise. I got engaged at the beginning of June and asked my bridesmaids in mid July. I say if you want to do it in person, there’s no such thing as too early 

    Post # 3
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I asked early on, I went on to regret that… wish I’d waited until closer to my wedding so I’d had a chance to see how my bridesmaid felt in regards to my wedding and how much time she had to spare to even talk about things

    Post # 4
    Member
    425 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    therealsashafierce :  If you are sure you want them to stand with you on your wedding day, then you can ask them as soon as you want to! I definitely think it would be more special to be asked in person, rather than over the phone or by mail.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I really think you should wait.  You don’t know if people will come in and out of your life.  You don’t know how big the wedding will be.  Seriously, there are plenty of posts here from people who wished they waited.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    I asked all of my friends very early on, because I’ve had the same friends for years and I’m not really one to switch up my friend group or have any type of argument with them! I think a lot of people’s drama with bridesmaids existed before they were bridesmaids, tbh, and if I can’t stay close friends with someone for a year+ until my wedding, I can’t say I would want them to stand with me anyways! As long as it’s a strong friendship, I’d say you can ask whenever you have a date set!

    Post # 7
    Member
    3804 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I would wait a bit. I definitely wouldn’t do it more than a year out. There are plenty of threads on here about people who asked their bridesmaids immediately and went on regret it because things changed or they realised they hadn’t thought it through. I’m not saying that will happen to you, but it won’t do any harm to wait. If you’re already hesitant about it just give yourself time to chill out. Plus I LOVE getting cool things in the mail, getting a little package and wondering what it is would be so fun.

    Also a year and a half is just a really long time for people to maintain excitement, I’d wait until it all gets a bit more real and they can start doing wedding stuff if they want to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4296 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    therealsashafierce :  I asked my bridesmaids in March 2014 for my October 2015 wedding. It really wasn’t an issue for me, seeing as these were my closest friends. DH and I planned everything very, very early on. Date, venue, hotel for guests, and hair/makeup were booked almost immediately, so I ended up giving my gals PLENTY of time to plan ahead. 

    One of the reasons I asked my bridesmaids so early is because it felt . . . disingenuine to talk about the wedding acting as if I didn’t already know I was going to ask them to be bridesmaids just for the sake of the Pinterest proposals. The day after I got engaged I grabbed coffee with two of my best friends and one of them immediately said, “We’re bridesmaids, right?” and I didn’t want to side step or evade the question so I replied they were. One of my friends had a two year engagement and she waited until six months before the wedding to “officially” ask any of us. We got these big, elaborate boxes and proposals and it just kind of felt like, “Um…I mean, yeah. I thought you had already asked us?” because we had talked about being bridesmaids already.

    My vote is for this: If you are absolutely sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that these are the girls who you want to be in your wedding, then I would ask them in person. If you have any misgivings, wait until it is closer to the wedding.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2141 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    the ‘offical’ advice from many books/websites is to ask 9 months before the wedding (alhough 6-12 is within fair range – dresses are usually ordered/bought at the 6 month mark)

     

    your not suppose to ask more than a year in advance as so much can change in that time and not just falling outs but lots of things from wedding size/location to life issues like a bridesmaid getting pregnant and been due around the wedding ect…

    I would also wait until your engaged to worry about this, putting the cart before the horse rarely works out well

    Post # 11
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I would say don’t ask them in person in case they have to think about it. They might have concerns about money, time commitment, their own schedules (what if you want a destionatin wedding while they’re TTC?), and so one. I think putting them on the spot would be a little stressful. Wait until closer to the wedding AND give them time to process it before expecting an answer.

    Post # 12
    Member
    605 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    therealsashafierce :  I got engaged Sept 17th. I am planning to ask on Christmas day. Give me some time to enjoy my fiancée and get some details nailed down. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I would ask in person. I very much regret waiting to ask, and in fact have not yet asked still, and it’s causing a huge headache now. I don’t understand how people on here can change their minds about it – the girl I’m planning to ask who I have known the shortest has still been a friend for 8 years, so we aren’t going to suddenly have a change of heart in the next year, and there’s definitely not going to be some rando coming into my life who I’ve known for less than a year who I suddenly want to replace my decades old friends/family with.

    As long as your situation is similar and you know you won’t change your mind, don’t put off asking. It will just give your friends hurt feelings when they see you planning and assume you decided to leave them out of your wedding party because you haven’t asked yet.

    If they want to think about it they’ll say so. If one of them ends up pregnant or something and can’t do it anymore you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. Neither of those are good reasons to wait or to not ask in person.

    Post # 14
    Member
    742 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    therealsashafierce :  I waited too long to ask my best friend from high school and he’s a pilot and is switching airlines at the new year. He knows he is only going to be guaranteed one weekend off a month and he’s in another wedding the same month as mine, so he had to say no. I asked all people who don’t live in the same state as our wedding pretty far in advance because of travel arrangements and so they could book cheep flights. I asked them all 18-13 months before the wedding. I asked him 13 months out. So you definitely need to find a balance. 

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