- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I am in another pickle. So if you have been following, the wedding has been shoddy planning from the start. but the newest saga is the choice of the bridal party. My FI and I are choosing/ have chosen our bridal parties. My parents want to be involved in every decision for the whole wedding, and to be fair they are paying for it. My mom picked the venue, and insisted on moving the date to accomodate her friend, etc. So I am really stuck on this one. I feel like the bridal party should be our choice.
I have 4 brothers, one sister and one sister in law (married to my brother). FI has 2 brothers and three very close friends. So we originally toyed with 5 groomsmen, and 5 bridesmaids. My cousin, sister (age 12), sister-in-law- and 2 friends and he chose his three best friends and 2 brothers.
In light of their insistance on being involved in every decision, we went to my parents telling them what we had decided. They proceeded to say that this was just the beginning of a conversation and clearly nothing was final since they hadn’t thought about it yet, but we needed to represent my family in the bridal party, particularly with the groomsmen. So after much back and forth FI graciously offered the solution that he would happily remove one of his best friends and give him another role and the we would pick two brothers and I would add another friend to make it 6 and 6.
So we did that and we chose the brother I am closest to, and my youngest brother (age 15) because he is closest to my sister and because he is the only brother still living at home, FI knows him best, though he is only 15. I told my parents this is what we had decided. They didn’t comment and we went ahead and asked everyone if they would fill the roles we hoped they would.
Here comes the saga, so last night, we had been dress shopping and after dinner my parents sit across from me at dinner- FI hadn’t visited home with me for the day, and said that I was wrong to choose my youngest brother and the I must change it to my older brother, whose wife is my bridesmaid. They were telling me that a young bride (25- young but not that young) doesn’t know as well as her “wiser, more experienced, more mature” parents (their words not mine) what is best for this family. [Note: I am not close to my older brother at all, and included his wife as a gesture. ] My dad said, he has thought of all the reasons I would choose my yongest brother, and while valid are not as good as his reasons that I need to choose my older brother.
Is this as backwards as it feels it is? I understand I owe them respect- but aren’t the groomsmen primarily FI’s choice? He wasn’t even asked by them. Second, I am more angry at the arrogance that my choice is respected, that my opinion is dismissed and that this is apparently closed to discussion now that their choice is final….
I just don’t know what to do, or if I am really being the spoiled, ungrateful “young bride” they keep calling me- or are they just over stepping???