Post # 1
I’m not sure if this is the right message board, but I would appreciate any advice from you bees.
I recently agreed to be a bridesmaid for a woman. Normally, she is nice. But the other day, she told me that I needed to lose weight for her wedding. I’m happy with the weight my body has settled at, and I’m happy with who I am. I’m not a size 2, but I’m also not obese. I would classify myself as a normal body range. I work out every day, and do strength training, so I’m not stick skinny. My body isn’t tall or lean like she is, but rather shorter and thicker. I worked very hard to drop 30 pounds when I was in my early 20s and have kept it off for the last decade. She knows about how hard I worked to drop the weight and to keep it off. I don’t know if she was just joking, but it was very hurtful. When she said that, I tried to play it off as a joke, and told her nobody was going to be paying attention to her fat bridesmaid as all eyes would be on the bride. A few weeks after this remark, she mentioned to me how she herself would have to lose weight for her dress and that I might want to consider doing the same
A few weeks after that, she told me I needed to dye my hair because she didn’t want my hair “problems” to ruin her wedding photos. I am starting to go grey. I have a few strands of greys peppering my hair here and there. I have no desire to dye my hair and I told her that the wedding photos would probably not pick up the grey hair.
I’m wondering if it’s worth confronting the bride and letting her know how hurtful she has been to me. Or whether I should just chalk it up to her being a bride and bite my tongue. Maybe I’m being too sensitive. I want her to have a good wedding, but not at the expense of my self-esteem. I felt genuinely terrible about myself, and then it turned to anger that she would even say that to me.
For you brides out there, have you ever said something similar to your bridesmaids? And if so, was it just a one-off?
Post # 3
You’re not being sensitive, she’s being a bitch.
edit: As for something actually helpful, if it were me I would tell her how hurt I was by the comments. She might do the right thing and apologize, promise not to do it again. Or she won’t, and will continue being terrible. In that case I would drop out of the wedding and be glad to not have to deal with her every again.
Post # 4
I would not and never did say that to my bridesmaids! How awful. To me, that is just completely out of line and I am so sorry she said those things to you. You shouldn’t have to change your appearance for her wedding. Be yourself. If she doesn’t like it, then that is her issue and she needs to deal with it.
Post # 5
-___- why do brides even care how skinny their bridesmaids are or how old they are???
isn’t it enough you agreed to be part of her bridal party despite dress and other expenses etc?
I have not requested my bridesmaids to do anything other than get their dress. Pick whichever dress will flatter everyone and decide together.
Definitely rude and unreasonable.
Post # 6
@introvertedgal: I almost screamed out in the second paragraph. WHAT???? Even if you were obese, it absolutely makes no sense.
Then your grey hair is a “problem” that will ruin her photos? wow.
Sorry, I don’t have a good advice. It’s very hard for me to believe she was a nice girl. But I don’t think this is something you can chalk it up.
Post # 7
@introvertedgal: Wow, your “friend” is being a really rude and bitchy. The only demand I made of my Maid/Matron of Honor, personal appearance-wise, is that she take a shower the day of the wedding.
Post # 8
Well, considering you referred to her as a “woman” and not a “friend” and then outlined several ridiculous and unneccesary things she’s demanded of you to be in the wedding… there’s your sign. Peace out of that wedding, sit back and watch it burn.
Post # 9
What a bitch. I’d tell her she knock off being one or I leave.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard
she is being completely unreasonable and yes — a total bitch. my advice: tell her the requests hurt your feelings. if she is your friend at all, then she will agree that you should not have to change. if she does not agree, then she does not deserve to have you for a bridesmaid.
Post # 11
@introvertedgal: I would absolutely NEVER say this to any of my friends!!! I would be very honest with her about how you are not going to lose any more weight just for her wedding and you aren’t going to dye your hair. Do I think it’s a huge deal to dye someone’s hair? Absolutely not, but do I think it’s terribly rude to suggest you do so to avoid “ruining” her wedding pictures? Absolutely so! If this person is your friend then she should not be making you feel bad about yourself to make herself feel better.
Post # 12
Wow, I think she is being very rude. I can’t stand that people think because they are getting married that that is any reason to treat their closest friends horribly. I would definitely say something to her. If you dont say anything it is only going to get worse.
Post # 13
Your “friend” sounds like a total jerk.
Post # 14
@introvertedgal: Sure every bride wants her wedding (pictures) to be ‘perfect’ but she’s just a nasty bitch. Not everyone has the same body type. End of story.
I sure hope no elderly people dare to come with their greys on display.. Grey hair is happens and truthfully, you don’t need a friend who cares what color your hair is. Baffling that someone cares so much about hair color and so little about the feelings of their friend.
Post # 15
@MrsTVLover: exactly what i was going to say, except i wasn’t going to use that nice of a word.
OP, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do either of those things. weight loss is a personal thing, you should never be forced to do it just because you’re in a wedding and the bride is a bitch. and as for your hair, i’m sure it looks beautiful just the way it is. gray isn’t a bad thing.
this bride is a piece of work.
Post # 16
I can’t believe she said any of this to you!!! I would absolutely drop out of the wedding and probably say something snarkly, but that’s because I have no self control.