(Closed) Bride's Father Paying for Wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Father Paying for Wedding

    If your father is paying, it's appropriate for him to choose your home state

    Pay for it yourself

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  • Post # 47
    Member
    3120 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @veryberry13:  Of course we didn’t mind traveling!  We are both very tight-knit families and would do anything.  We would have had no problem going to Alabama either, but it was more convenient for the couple because it’s also where they were living at the time.  

    Post # 49
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @veryberry13:  

    I think it is always better for the bride and groom to pay for the wedding themselves.

    That way, parents cannot try to use money to control their daughter’s wedding.

    Money is power.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @veryberry13:  I think it’s weird that your dad would want to pay for the wedding but ONLY if he gets to plan it?  Seems selfish! 

    Post # 52
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @veryberry13:  If dad is paying, dad gets final say on the details he finds important.  If you don’t like his choices or him being in control, then politely refuse the money and pay for the wedding you want.

    Post # 53
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    @veryberry13:  

    I agree. Nobody can control your wedding if they aren’t paying for it.

    Post # 54
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    @beachbride1216:  

    +1 This is why I wouldn’t let my parents pay for my wedding. My mother was very vocal about paying so that it could be her day. I resent being controlled and manipulated, especially with money.

    Post # 55
    Member
    2266 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @NauticalDisaster:  I hate that saying. I wouldn’t give someone a giftcard but try to dictate how they spent it..

    Post # 56
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    When you get married, you’re saying youre old enough and mature enough and life ‘ready’ enough for marriage. 

    Yet you can’t pay for it yourself?

    i don’t get it. 

    let your parents save the money for retirement. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @veryberry13:  If Daddy pays he gets to input his opinion pretty heavily. If Fiance wants something different you two need to pay and it needs to be decided (an gently explained) before you take a cent from Daddy, otherwise it’ll be a problem later.

    Post # 59
    Member
    2521 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I live out of state where my fiancé grew up.  However I knew that I had to get married where I grew or somewhere completely different (a destination wedding).  My parents are pretty traditional.  However, I love the area I grew up and I’m super close with my family so this way more will come.  You might mention the idea and see how he reacts… But usually who pays gets to pick the location 

    Post # 60
    Member
    2890 posts
    Sugar bee

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    @Chrysoberyl:  I know, but it’s still true when it comes to big event like weddings. People with the wallet sometimes assume they are entitled to make decisions and do not see it as a ”gift” (unless they give 1K cash and there you go), but they’ll want to add extras, or to pay less for this, or more for that, etc. It happens all the time. It can be a poisoned gift even if it’s very generous from the parents to offer to pay many items. I use that saying for multiple reasons, one of them is for myself (to remind me, when I am being pushed by vendors, or other people, or industy, that I am the client, therefore I have all the saying in the end), and also to remind me that if ever this situation happens that my parents or anyone else offers to help us pay, I prefer to assume the money might come with conditions ; this way I consider I am aware this can happen when I accept the money ; and not be (badly) surprised later in the process. 

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    2266 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @NauticalDisaster:  I can totally agree with all of that. It still makes me hate it that it works that way.

    I get the client thing.. but your parents aren’t clients. You aren’t doing this for them!

    I know that’s how things go. I father keeps demaning certain things and people be invited and saying “Well I’m paying!”

    He promised 10k. I’ve yet to see it. And we’re a little over 7 months out. Deposits have been put down. Final payments have been made (in some cases). That ship has sailed! 

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