(Closed) Brides maid DRAMA

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

How many bridesmaids do you have?  How big of a deal is it for your bridesmaids to all have the same shoes. If it was me, I would, say either just pick a color and they can all choose their own (with guidelines, style, height) or you could just say, well all of the other bridesmaids love them so they will be wearing that shoe. If she really can’t walk in them then I guess she could wear something else, she just won’t match the rest.  Make sure she knows she is the odd-man out so to speak.  

 

Of course that’s just me, but I’ve had soooo much drama already with my Future Sister-In-Law (who’s a bridesmaid) that I’m really regretting even asking her.  

Post # 5
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

She can wear them for pictures perhaps, then change? Tell her that everyone else is already wearing them (and bought them) and you’d like for everyone to match.

It’s pretty common for the bride to pick out shoes I think, especially for short dresses. Honestly, I told my girls at first to all wear gold or nude sandals. Well, one of the girls found these champagne and champagne pink platform slingbacks for $20. Yes, $20. From Naturalizer. So they’re comfy! I wish I’d asked all the girls to buy them now because they literally match and are so adorable. 

But two of the girls have gold sandals and 2 have bought these sling backs and the other two still haven’t gotten them! I’m just thinking that nobody will really notice their feet. But I do think it’ll look weird if she is the ONLY one wearing a different shoe type. I’d suck it up if I were her. Doesn’t she know it’s so rude to complain to the bride? Ugh. 

Post # 6
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

The shoe deal does get a bit murkier when the dresses are shorter.  I can see wnating them to have the same shoe.

However, I might not totally villify (sp?) Future Sister-In-Law.  So maybe she did complain to her mom.  But maybe mom shot off at the mouth on her own, and Future Sister-In-Law is mortified that her mom said anything to you.  Also, when you picked out the shoe, did you take into account how well your BMs could walk in them?  A shoe is much different than say a certain color dress.  Some girls really have a hard time walk in high heel shoes, for a variety of reasons.  And just because your other BMs liked them, doesn’t make it any easier for the Future Sister-In-Law to walk in them. 

I obviously can’t say whether or not Future Sister-In-Law is complaining just to complain, or really has a hard time with the shoe.  Or if she is complaining about something every step of the way.  I think sometimes it is difficult to get all BMs into the same shoe.  Sometimes people are really uncomfortable in certain shoes.  I would say let her wear her own shoe in the same color as the other girls.  And perhaps if some other BMs would rather have something else, you could allow them to take their shoes back?  Maybe you could put some parameters on the shoe other than just color.  (ie.  black strappy shoes -any size heel, or gold closed toe ballet flats or pumps, no sparkles, no large embellishments, satin only, leather.)

Post # 7
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Hmph!  I prefer the tough s*** method.  These are the shoes id like you to wear.  If you have a difficult time in heels, practice.  If you dont like them, who cares.  If its that big a deal, dont be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I think BMs know signing up that they may have to pay for a bunch of clothes they may not like and will probably never wear again.  As long as the shoes arent a small fortune, especially compared to the price of the dress, I say, hold your ground.  You’ll drive yourself craxy if you spend the next 2 months trying to please everyone.

Post # 8
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You can’t force people to wear shoes that are uncomfortable for them.  I have a wide foot and high arch.  I just physically can’t get my foot in certain shoes.  I think it’s pretty ridiculous to force someone to wear a shoe that hurts their feet or that they have difficulty walking in.

Is matching shoes really worth someone spraining an ankle?

Just let Future Sister-In-Law choose a different but coordinating shoe- same color, lower heel or whatever.

Post # 9
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Maybe you should bypass your Future Mother-In-Law and talk to your fiance’s sister directly about the problem she has with the shoes.  I mean, if it’s purely the look, then yeah, she should just suck it up.  But are they heels or something?  She might be really uncomfortable walking in heels, lots of people are.  If I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and was told to wear a pair of heels, I’d probably want to say something (though I’d ask about it MUCH more tactfully than it sounds like the mom did) and ask if any alternative was an option. She might just appreciate having a different option.  I think you’re totally in the right with picking out and wanting them to wear the same shoes, but depending on the shoe, that can be difficult for certain people.

But yeah, if it’s just because they don’t "like" the shoes, they’re being a little petty and I’d stand my ground.  

Post # 10
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

As a bridesmaid previously, we got to choose between three styles that could be dyed. They were all strappy, but some had thicker straps and the heels were different heights. They were actually Payless, so after dying it only came out 23 bucks.

The dresses were tea length, but really, there were no close-ups of the shoes so it’s not like anyone noticed. As long as the shoes are the same color and not too crazy different (i.e. platform pumps vs. converse all-stars) I don’t see what’s wrong.

 

Post # 11
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I come out on the side of being flexible when it comes to footwear.  I developed plantar fasciitis after wearing a pair of shoes that didn’t work well for my feet.  Granted, I did wear them for more than one day, but problems can still result from a bad fit, wrong angle, or too little support.  It took me a long time to recover.

 

Post # 12
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I guess you can either let her choose her own shoes that she can walk in or she could go barefooted or trip down the aisle? I’ve seen both happen in a wedding and you REALLY don’t want that, I promise. It’s really not that big of a deal and certainly not worth coming off like a biatch to your soon-to-be family. Tell everybody to buy what they want. Maybe the girls who have already bought their shoes don’t care for them either and will return them and buy something else. 

Post # 13
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I swear I’ve been to and been in a lot of weddings and no one ever pays attention to the BM’s feet.  I think it makes sense to pick a color and style, but shoes are such a personal thing.  And as a Bridesmaid or Best Man many times over I’m not even sure I’ve ever had a picture taken where you could tell what shoes I was wearing.  Also, as a person with terrible back problems who can be laid up for a day or two by wearing shoes that strain my back, I’m pretty wary of forcing anyone to wear something they find uncomfortable.

So obviously I’m totally biased and don’t understand wanting everyone in the exact same shoe, but I also agree that it’s really not worth drama with your future in-laws.  See if you can help your Future Sister-In-Law pick out a shoe that looks similar to the one you chose.  Assuming it’s nothing super out of the ordinary that shouldn’t be too hard.

Post # 14
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I applaud you for standing up for your choice! FMILs (and even your own) can be scary sometimes. You can’t accomodate everyone – you’d never get anything done! Stick to your guns.

Post # 15
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think shoes are a big deal – but can understand the frustration when all the girls don’t match granted the dresses are at the length where shoes are visible.

I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man several times and most of the times, I had to wear/buy shoes for that particular event.  After the first couple of times, I started to feel like I just didn’t need an extra pair of shoes if I had something that worked already.  Although I wouldn’t be a tyrant and refuse to buy the shoes the bride wants us to wear, but it gets me very annoyed (I just can’t help it.)  I think maybe this is what your Future Sister-In-Law might be feeling.  Maybe you can compromise?  You don’t want your girls wearing somethign that they really can’t walk in.

Post # 16
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

" I basically said tough s*** it’s my wedding."

I’m sorry, but I don’t think these words or anything close to them should come out of your mouth. Yes, it is your special day. But a wedding is about more than just you. To put it in prospectvie: the wedding is one day out of your life, but after that day your mother and sister-in-law will be your family forever. Is it really worth to start a fight over something so trivial? 

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