(Closed) Bride’s Maid Participation?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

um…dont take this the wrong way, but you’ve got to stop.  the wedding is a year away.  there is no real need to email/FB/text/voicemail two busy women for feedback on your wedding choices.  i know this is a very exciting time for you.  im sure that your BMs are very happy and excited for you.  but you cant expect them to share your enthusiasm for a day nearly a year away.

i bet they will be more interested as you get closer to the date.  furthermore, they will probably only have a real interest in the dresses.  i think you have got to lower your expectations.

Post # 5
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I only have my sisters as my BMs, but they are next to no help. I hardly even ask them for advice anymore because they are both too busy. I’m not working so I have all the time to figure things out. I’m also the most creative and crafty so I don’t need their help in those things either. I’m basically on my own!

Post # 6
Member
424 posts
Helper bee

I don’t feel that I need to inolve my bridesmaids as much as you seem to be doing.  My bridesmaids only tasks are to plan the bridal shower/ bachelorette party, buy their dress, and be there the day of the wedding.  One of them may not be able to attend the shower/bachelorette party so she felt bad and offered to help research things for me or do something wedding related, which I feel is unnecessary.  She put in her time by being my lifelong friend so I don’t need to have her do anything like that for me. I’m going to get their feedback on their dresses but not on mine.  I’m choosing my dress with only my mom and dad’s opinion in mind.  My fiance and I decided on our honeymoon and I’m not taking my bridesmaids input on that either.

If you’re bridesmaids are interested in being more involved then I would let them but if it’s about something little then I wouldn’t consult them because they seem busy and it is a year away.  I think it’s really harsh to remove them from the wedding party.  Have some confidence in them..you chose them for a reason.

Post # 7
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The first time I got married, BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor were expected to really help out with wedding preparations. Anything from feedback to helping with invitations, decorating, etc.  This wedding (yes my third!) I had virtually no help from them what-so-ever and frankly, I still resent it. However, that being said, today’s attitude seems to be all they need to do is show up on the wedding day, dressed and ready to go. So I probably am not much help but do be aware that there is a wide range of opinions on this topic!

Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am going to try and say this the nicest way possible, but I think you are being a bit over the top. The wedding is a year away. Your bridesmaids are two busy women. Maybe they don’t check their facebooks everyday. I know it sometimes takes me a week to call someone back. You really don’t need their feedback on anything you are choosing just yet and bridesmaids typically don’t even need their dresses until 6 months before…or even sooner.

I think you should back off a little because they are going to get annoyed. You are looking too much into the personal details of their lives. (she must be jealous because EVERYONE said she was the prettiest until I came along) You are trying to make something out of nothing.

Post # 10
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think you’re asking too much of them. (Unless I missed something, you’re only asking opinions about dresses and make up, correct?)

However, I do agree with some PPs that it is a little too early to be so worried. I understand that they have bad track records, but I don’t think Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses take as long to come in as bridal gowns do, so you definitely have a lot of time before you have to start worrying.

About the make up artist, can you just book the artist for you, and then follow up with her later about whether or not your BMs will want to get their make up done? That’s what I’m doing with my BM’s regarding their hair. I’ll let my hair lady know whose hair she will be doing closer to the day of.

I’ve realized that BMs don’t really care as much as the bride does so far out. As it gets closer, the BMs may start to get excited. It is probably just too far away for them right now– it’s not even really a blip on their radars yet.

I do think kicking them out of your bridal party at the first of the year is a little too soon to be making that decision. Cut them some slack and you may be pleasantly surprised. And if not, at least you’ll know that you did everything you could to be an accomodating bride.

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