Post # 1
So I’m the maid of honor and the bride has informed me that her mom has invited herself to the bachelorette party, which is actually a two part party. One is “PG” rated lucheon so the brides younger sister and cousin can attend (they are only teenagers). The latter half is 21+ and will feature lap dancing lessons and drunk karaoke. I assumed the bride’s mom only would stay for the first half so I told her I was fine with it, but the bride has sadly told me her mom may want to stay the whole day. Great. Because that means we can say goodbye to anything she deems “improper”. On top of this the bride’s mom hates the party theme, which is based around the bride’s favorite childhood “girl power” cartoons (mom says the theme is “too childish”) (also to note the bride LOVES the theme and is sad her mom wants me to change it).
Now, the bride’s parents are paying for 95% of the wedding expenses to my friend has pretty much had to agree with all of her mom’s requests. But this party is being paid for by me and the other bridesmaids. I can tell my friend hasn’t been happy with all the things she’s being forced into for the wedding, and I thought this would be the one thing we as her friends could have control over to make it how the bride wants but her mom seems determined to weasel her way in and try to change things.
My question is how do I handle this without the bride’s mom taking it out on her?
Post # 2
The bride needs to talk to her mom if she doesnʻt want her there. Getting involved in family relations is generally a bad idea. Iʻd stick to the plan and if the bride lets her mom go, Iʻd email the mom and say, “We look forward to your attendance to the 2nd part of the party, thereʻs a fee of ______ that each of us is paying to cover expenses, let me know when you can pay your part” and if she doesnʻt like your planned activities she can leave. if she asks whatʻs planned before paying, give her a sugar-coated idea but enough for her to know it will be ADULT
Post # 3
This is between the bride and her mom.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
I’d just “end” the evening early and re-convene after she goes home.
Post # 5
has it. As far as mom knows, the bachelorette is now only going to be the first 1/2 of the event. Tell Mom that everything later was canceled since she decided to join and no one wanted to do anything “improper.”
Then everyone should gather minus Mom The Buzzkill and Girl’s Trip it up after she takes her bogarting ass home!
The more mature response here would be for the bride to speak with her mother and tell her that she doesn’t want her to come to the bachelorette.
It’s such a trip to me- these moms who clearly don’t have enough friends or business of their own to tend to.
Post # 6
In the absence of the bride’s ability to set reasonable boundaries, what the mom doesn’t know won’t ruin the rest of your plans–if she doesn’t know where and when she can’t join in.
Post # 7
I’ve actually never heard of the bride’s Mom not being invited to the Bachelorette party.
If the bride is concerned then she needs to talk to her Mom. Like PPs said, this is between them. Do not under any circumstances try to tell this woman she is not invited. Most likely she will blame the whole thing on you and assume her daughter wants her there!
It really depends on what kind of person she is. Maybe welcome her for the first part of the night, and keep the next part a secret. Or just be open, tell her that the second part will be a wild. Chances are she will not want to come to that and leave early, but just wants to be included in the group?
Post # 8
It’s normal for the mom to go to the bachelorette party where I’m from. In this situation it’s really between the bride and her mom, if she doesn’t want her there she can deal with that herself.
Post # 9
hahaha…. Honestly every hens do I’ve been to when the oldies like aunts and mums join in have been a hoot!! The older ladies seem too enjoy the most and get down with whatever is happening. I wouldn’t worry about it and keep with your original plan. If the brides not OK with it then its up to her to talk to her mum.
Funny story….at my sisters kitchen tea (same as a shower but its what we call it in oz) we did a few games. One was make your perfect man out of playdough. My sister was busy telling her friends not to make phallic sculptures because our elderly Italian great aunts (all in their 80s & 90s) were there. She turns around and low and behold all of these great aunts had combined their play dough to make the worlds largest playdough penis!!! It was classic because all these aunts are usually so prim and proper! Best memory ever and this story became legendary in our family. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. So I wouldn’t worry the older crowd may surprise you and be down all things planned!!
Post # 10
Another funny story: One of the first Hens I ever went to the bride’s Mum suggested a game of ‘ring toss’. We hought it was cute and that we’d play along. Minutes later she comes back into the room with a huge dildo! She puts it in her mouth and lies down – we were supposed to do the ‘ring toss’ onto the dildo in the MIB’s mouth!!
Post # 11
Thanks for all of the advice. I’m going to just tell my friend to talk to her mom about just coming to the first part and continue on with the plans we originally wanted to do. As danakxox (and my own mom) put it, I’ll just tell the bride’s mom to pay in like everyone else, and if she refuses then I guess thats too bad and she can’t participate.
(Also to those saying “oh it may be fun with her there!” I have known this woman since I was 12 and she absolutely hates anything “unchristian” or “innapropriate” and she’s already expressed her disappointment at the second half of the party so I really do think it’s for the best she not attend that part)
Post # 12
I probably wouldn’t change a thing. Let her come! If she doesn’t like the theme or activities then she knows where the door is.
Post # 14
I would absolutely tell her, blatantly, with all the greasy details, what you have planned for the second half of the night. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CANCEL YOUR SECOND HALF ACTIVITIES. She wants to come? Cool (awkward and inappropriate, but . . . cool). *You* are paying for the event and *you* are planning it, therefore *you* dictate what happens, not her. Ask her to make sure she ponies up the money for the activities in advance and make sure to remind her to have at least $50 in singles for the stripper’s g-string.
A friend of mine had a bachelorette party where her mother insisted on attending. Not gonna lie, it was lame as shit.
Post # 15
I’m lost, was the second half of the party bad? Lapdancing lessons. Someone is just showing you how to give lap dances? I guess you’d all be practicing on each other and laughing and looking silly, that sounds harmless. Or are there men involved with this and they’ll be touching you and participating with you and on you.
Drunk karaoke. That’s just singing and looking silly.
Why is everyone thinking her being there is going to “ruin” something? Is there more to the 21+ part that hasn’t been stated?