Post # 1
I’m struggling with whether or not to have BMs. We’re having a smallish (about 50 people invited) semi-destination weekend wedding.
Most (all?) of my friends are over their “wedding years” and most have small children (sometimes 2+ small kids) or will be pg during the wedding. I’m just not sure that anyone is going to want to do a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, etc.
What did you do in this case? Just not have any BMs?
My heart isn’t set on BMs, but I wonder if I don’t invite anyone if that will seem odd. FWIW, I have about 5 girls in mind to as (2 are my sisters). Or, I can just go it alone and not have any BMs.
Opinions or experiences??
Post # 3
I’ll be 40 when I get married and I’m having 5 bridesmaids, ONLY b/c Fiance is 11 years younger and has a lot of close friends he wants to include as groomsmen.
I originally planned on no bridesmaids and don’t think it would be odd or out of place at all (especially since you’re having a destination wedding).
I’m actually having the very problem you spoke of – 3 of my bridesmaids are over 40 and just are NOT getting into the whole dress-up thing. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my daughter (so she’s excited) and my fifth bridesmaid is my FI’s sister who is in her 20’s. Honestly, I’d rather forgo the stress and not have any at all, but he’s dead set on it.
Post # 4
@milesbella: I’m sorry you’re having this problem too!
I do wonder if it would be much less stressful to just scrap it.
Post # 5
I am 32, and for the past 7 years I have known the 5 girls I would have standing up with me. But I ended up with 6 🙂 While many of our friends are working on their 2nd kid now, my girls were all childless except for my SIL, so it worked out fine. My 34 yr old husband had 8 groomsmen. It was a little out of control, but the day of it did not seem weird at all to have such a large bridal party. Everyone was honored to be a part of it, and they were all there for signifcant reasons.
It was the right thing for us, but everyone is different!
Post # 6
I had three – two close friends, and my new step-daughter. (I’m 31) We had about the same size wedding as you – just under 50.
Post # 7
Saved me from all kinds of drama.
I did have a friend jump in as a quasi Maid/Matron of Honor at the actual wedding to help out with things, but she wore whatever she wanted–and looked great & there was no planning involved.
Post # 8
I’m under 30, but am in a similar situation. My friends all live far away and/or have kids. I also don’t feel right about picking out dresses that people will have to spend $100+ and may not wear again. I decided to just stick with family.
If you want to have people stand up with you, you can do it without all the traditional Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff. Ask them to buy a dress of their choosing in a certain color. You don’t have to require that they plan bridal showers, and bachelorette parties and all that either. You can make it clear that you aren’t expecting anything elaborate.
Post # 9
If it wasnt for my Fiance wanting groomsmen then I would have none at all. And if you really think about it, they are called “bridesmaids”… they are supposed to HELP the bride in any way possible… I think that is how it all started. But now it is quite the opposite. How sad.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2009 - Red Fish Grill
I was 31 when we were married. I had my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor, he had his brother as his Best Man. She wore whatever she wanted to. It was sweet and simple, as far as the adult members of the wedding party. (We also had eight little ones under the age of 10 that paraded in ahead of us during the ceremony.)
It wasn’t so much our ages that factored into our decision, as just that it’s simply our style to do things on a more intimate scale.
I say do what *you* want, rather than what you think is acceptable/expected by others. Remember, it’s *your* wedding! ;o)
Post # 11
You are not alone. When planning our wedding, fiance and I decided to have our respective best friends serve as our only attendants (no need to match when you’re the only one!) However, my BFF became pregnant and is due two weeks before our destination wedding, so we ended up scrapping attendants all together. The priest asked us to pick someone to stand up at the altar with us for specific logistical purposes, and I will have my brother (only sibling) up there. I’ve told him he can hide my bouquet behind his back after I hand it to him so it doesn’t show up in the photographs. 😉
Post # 12
I got married at 32 years old. I felt like having an entourage was bit ridiculous. In my 20s I was apart of those 20+ people wedding parties…….no thanks! I decided to have a maid of honor who stood up with our two best men (my husbands brothers). It was totally fine & we could bond as girlfriends. I paid for her dress, hair, makeup, and gift. She took me to Cabo San Lucas for a week long all inclusive vacation in lieu of a bachelorette party. No bridezilla moments for me 🙂 & our friendship is still strong as ever!
Post # 13
I will be 31 when we marry, and we’re having a smalll-medium wedding with about 70 people. I’m not having any bridesmaids – I have too many close friends and no siblings/cousins, so there was no way I could choose. It would be 10 or none, and 10 bridesmaids seemed like a bit much. 🙂
I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, but then I’m not very traditional in a lot of ways. I don’t want a shower, for example, although one of my good friends is generously throwing me a low-key bachelorette weekend in the woods with those ten good friends of mine. I might invite those that want to come with me morning of to get my nails done or otherwise hang out while I get prettified. 🙂
I think it was the right decision for me. It saves me money and stress, my friends don’t have to spend a ton of money on a dress or anything like that, and I can still have my nearest and dearest with me on that day if I want to.
Post # 14
I’ll be 38 next October when I get married..Fiance and I talked about it extensively, and we have both been in many weddings in the past 5 years. I didn’t want to have too many, plus being older, I wanted to keep it simple. Do whatever you feel! I think having your sisters as either MOHs or BMs, would be nice. I have plenty of friends, that could be included…but I wanted to keep it simple. The last wedding I was in 2 years ago, there was 9 BMs and a MOH! YIKES!
Post # 15
i have 6. for a small destination wedding! wasn’t what i planned. but my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. i have 3 friends i HAD to have since high school. then another close friend i ended up asking. and my FI’s niece who was bouncing with joy when i asked her and i am so happy i did!
too many? i think so! but who cares right. my pictures will be awesome and everyone is happy.
Post # 16
I’ll just be 32 and I’m having 4. I originally wanted just my Maid/Matron of Honor and his Bridesmaid or Best Man but we had to have his sister or she’d flip out (that’s a story for another day) and so the list grew to 4.