(Closed) Bride's parents unhappy with groom's parents on the invite!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We did not include DH’s parents on the invitation. They did not contribute, my parents paid 100%, and my circles are old school… If your name is on the invite, you gave $$.

If it makes your mom that unhappy, could you thank your ILs in a different way (considering they don’t seem to care)? On the programs? A sign by the bar they’re hosting? 

Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ask his parents if they want to be on the invite. If you’re lucky they won’t care. The invitation seems like a big deal up until the day of the wedding. Then you realize they really aren’t that important in terms of actual wedding/marriage. Your husband can also thank them in his toast.

Post # 4
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

hulahoops01: Though it may be tradition/proper etiquette, I have never liked the fact that only the parents who contribute financially get to have their names on the invitation. I think it can make one set of parents feel bad if they can’t contribute AND it announces that fact to all your guests. Tradition/etiquette should never be used to make anyone look or feel bad. Darling Husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves, our invites said “Together with their families, Jane Doe and John Smith….”. We felt it was important to recognize that both our families had raised and supported us, and were now celebrating with us. 

Post # 5
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If they are contributing, the are “hosting” and should be on the invite. 

Post # 6
Member
832 posts
Busy bee

If your parents are hosting. It can say Mr. and Mrs…. invite you to the wedding of their daughter hoolahoops… to John Doe, son of…..

That way you know who’s hosting, but his parents are identified.

I don’t think its stuffy to have ‘son of.’ I always felt it was more appropriate.  It seems off when the girl’s parents are mentioned but the guy comes from nowhere/has no parentage. Actually,  I don’t like it when the man’s parents are left off. Based on the wording,  it’s still obvious who’s hosting. 

Post # 7
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if you invitiation say.  your parents invite you to the wedding of bride to groom son of his parents.

it does not imply that they are hosting.  since they contributed, i think they should be on the invitation.  if you parents are paying the majority and have a problem with this, put his parents names under the grooms name.

Post # 8
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

hulahoops01:  If they’re contributing anything, which it sounds like they are, they should be on the invite.

I think your initial wording (son of so and so) is probably the safest and most traditional route. Both sets of parents contributed to our wedding almost equally, so ours was “Bride’s parents and Groom’s parents invite you to celebrate the marriage of their children” and then our names.

Honestly, I think your parents are being weird about this. There’s no reason his parent’s names shouldn’t be on the invite, too!

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee

Personally, I’d include both…but with that said I don’t think there is a clear right and wrong. Although your parents contributed more, your partners parents still helped. Nobody is contributing to my wedding whatsoever, so if someone offered to pay for ‘just the alcohol’, I’d be over the moon! That stuffs expensive! i used to work in advertising and do newspaper annoucements of important engagements and weddings. Both parents names were always included. Something like ‘Together with Susan and Peter Doe and David and Sally smith, Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company at their wedding’…obviously names are on new lines and the bride and grooms names appear centered and larger…but yeah. I’ve found wording like that to be rather typical.

Post # 10
Member
4892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We had both our parents and his parents listed, as they both contributed to the wedding. We had to different invits, as we had a small ceremony and large reception. Here is what we put on both:

As you can see, the reception one listed the names and the ceremony one just said parents. I don’t think I asked DH’s parents if they wanted to be listed, but just assumed that they would.

 

Post # 11
Member
6294 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Contrary to popular belief, hosting and contributing are not one and the same. The host is basically the person/s planning the wedding, who you would go to if you had a question re said wedding, and they may or may not have contributed financially. In our case, while Mother-In-Law paid for the cake (around £450), my parents paid for the rest of the wedding (around £23k), and my fiance and I also paid for a few bits inc the rings, bridal party gifts, some of the stationery, etc, amounting to several thousand.

My parents, and us, were the hosts. We did all the planning, all the liasing with vendors, etc etc. So, we did not include OH’s parents on the invitation as, simply, despite contributing something financially, they were not the hosts and we didn’t feel it was appropriate. Now, if they had made a more significant contribution I may have included them to ‘keep the peace’, but as it was I really didn’t feel it necessary.

In your case, I would probably either leave them off (as it doesn’t sound like they are hosting), or go with the ‘son of’ wording, which personally I do’t think sounds too stuffy, particularly if you are using fairly traditional wording anyway.

Post # 12
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I know this goes against “etiquette” but I think it’s silly to treat the invite as an advertisement for who contriubuted what. If anything it should be a way to let everyone know who loved you and supported you the most. They raised the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, that doesn’t merit a spot on the stationary? I”m sure you’ve thanked your parents profusely for their contributions. I’m sure they have your eternal gratitude and devotion as a daughter. Why do they need the invites to be a giant public acknowledgement of that? Especially one that’s exclusive and hurtful to your FILs?

Obviously I’m not a fan of etiquette and tradition in these types of situations, and I understand if you are. But I feel like it hurts more than it helps when it “dictates” that people you love get left out. 

/endrant.

Post # 13
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

ohnoitslindsay:  If anything it should be a way to let everyone know who loved you and supported you the most. They raised the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, that doesn’t merit a spot on the stationary?

Thats how I’ve always felt. Without those parents, there would not even be a union to celebrate. 

Post # 14
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

hulahoops01:  we did something similar to Kacie209: as it was important to my old school parents that they were listed as the hosts and I also wanted to notice my in-laws for their very large contribution as well. Since my parents paid for 80% of the wedding day/reception (all venue/food/drink) and my IL paid for the welcome reception the night before (full open bar, passed appetizers, DJ, photo booth etc so not at all insignificant – in fact it was close in cost to the actual wedding) as well as the rehearsal so I did two invites in a pocket fold (as well as a totally separate invite (sent directly by ILs) to the rehersal dinner that was for Bridal party, immediate family and a few special guests)

 The “real” invite had similar wording to your first draft “mr & mrs Hostess invite you to the wedding of their daughter Little Miss to Darling Husband, son of … ” while the welcome reception invite said “Mr & Mrs IL invite you to a welcome reception…”  and the rehearsal invite also said something like MR & Mrs In Laws invite you to a rehearsal dinner …”

I know its old school and formal but it was important to my parents and considering the generous gift they gave us I felt that it was the least that we could do (and to be honest I know that his parents were a bit hurt when my SIL didn’t mention them on her invite though they paid for the whole thing plus so I wanted to make sure they “got theirs” as well)

 

Post # 15
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

My parents are paying for the wedding, therefore they will be the only parents listed on the invitations as they are the hosts. Simple and straight forward. Out of curiosity – who is paying for the stationary for the wedding?

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