(Closed) Brides to be without fathers?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Gloucestershire, UK

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lawrenceofarabia :  

My situation is a little different but still so similar to yours – my dad left my mama when I was very young and wasn’t involved in my life, even after she passed away when I was a child. He did however do some horrible things to other peopel and for my own safety I cut him out of my life a few years ago.


I do feel an absense – but not in the sense that I miss him. More that I see all these weddings, or look at photos or even look at our timeline and I am constantly confronted by what is ‘normal’ and what could never be for me. 


However, in terms of how we’re dealing with the practicalities of the traditional aspects of the wedding – my best friend is walking me down the aisle. He’s a few years older than me, but he’s been my mentor for many years. We see it as my oldest friend, giving me away to my ‘new’ best friend and husband. He’ll also be doing the father/daughter dance with me (he’s keen to – I’m still unsure) but he will fulfil all of those roles.


Your family isn’t just those who are blood to you! If there are other people in your life who you respect and love, absolutely ask them to take part! 


It is a fear that he will try and come to the wedding – I’m really nervous about that actually. My grandparents will be invited, it’s just my hope he won’t go digging and find the invitation with details. We, like you, keep things off facebook and social media about the wedding – well, the important bits like the venue, date etc, as I do have his extended family on there and we can’t be too careful. 

Post # 17
127 posts
Blushing bee

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lawrenceofarabia :  First of all, congratulations on your engagement!

I cut my mother, father, and brother out of my life and they’re not invited to my wedding.  My friend will be walking me down the aisle, then taking his place as a Bridesman.  He is beyond thrilled to be doing this.  At your wedding, you can do whatever you choose. 🙂

Post # 18
51 posts
Worker bee

My dad is not invited! My mom was always the one there for me so she will be walking me down the aisle and we will probably do a mother-daughter dance. I had a coworker who did the same thing. 🙂

Post # 19
536 posts
Busy bee

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lawrenceofarabia :  Similar situation…

I just had my wedding and like you I kept everything private that I could. Of course he found out about it and I got a nasty text/email.

I walked myself down the aisle with pride. We excluded parents names on invites/programs since we paid for everything ourselves so it wasnt needed. I did not have a father daugher dance. My husband did have a mother daughter dance but we timed it while everyone was eating. It was nice because my father in law asked me if I wanted to do a dance. I declined just because I was fine that entire day I was going to continue to be fine. His parents did walk down the asile and enterance to the reception. Before the big day I had my fears of things and how I would react and feel. Honestly you are so tied up on emotions of just you and your Fiance that those thoughts kind of just vanish. 

Post # 20
501 posts
Busy bee

I lost my father to LUNG CANCER in 2010. I’m so devestated he won’t be there. I don’t know what to do.

Post # 21
691 posts
Busy bee

My dad passed a few years ago. I walked myself down the aisle. I didn’t feel like I needed anyone else to do it for me, and it was kind of liberating. I wanted my mom to be able to watch me walk down from where she would have if my dad was alive. I think if he had passed when I was little, then I may have asked my mom to do it, but since it was recent, I guess I still felt like it was his spot and no one else’s. We skipped parent dances (and I’m sure our guests didn’t care one bit). 

Although I’m in a different situation, it did get easier as the day approached. I mean, I missed him more but I was so busy that I didn’t have time to dwell on it. I hope that makes sense. Hang tough and think about all the people who ARE there.

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