Brides who are postponing their weddings but still getting legally married….

posted 6 months ago in Logistics
Post # 16
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

Do what works for you and what is permitted in your country.  Just be aware that because you will already be legally married, you may have to have a slightly different form of words for your second ceremony.  E.g. it will say something like ‘I renew my vow to…’ to make it clear that you are already legally married.

Post # 17
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

View original reply
teaandcake :  Why? Maybe the ceremony is more legally bound in other places but where I live to “get married” you just have to both sign a piece of paper and pay for a marriage license. All vows, ceremony, officiant, etc are optional and purely celebratory. 

Post # 18
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

My fiancé and I had originally planned on just still having our wedding knowing that not as many people would be able to come. With the way things are going though, continuing with it would feel tone deaf and frankly irresponsible. Ours was May 16. We also said that if we did have to postpone, we would get legally married on May 16 still. Well all that has gone out the window!! Our only option for new date was November 14, so we are moving ahead with that date. We have thought about it a lot and have decided to just wait on getting married until then. At the end of the day it’s just an extra 6 months, and we kinda just wanted to do it all on the same day. I TOTALLY get bees that are getting married on their original date, though. It has been a tough decision to postpone it all.

Post # 19
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Oh man this sucks for everyone! I feel for everyone going through this right now. You’re basically in perpetual limbo for the foreseeable future (with a possible recession looming). All I can say is, if marriage benefits are important to you, get married on your intended date or sooner – at the courthouse or look into elopement packages if you can get them. 

As someone who eloped (with a package) for multiple reasons, this was certainly one of them and I’m glad we went the way we did. Yeah we got flack and it sucked but in hindsight we are glad we are married and have a house and will eventually plan a big anniverary party for our 5th married anniverary in a few years. What’s most important though is we can make legal and medical decisions in times like these. I wouldn’t put it off if those things are important to you. 

I hope everyone can find something that works for them in these trying times and stay safe! 

 

Post # 20
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
denverbee :  I think it depends on the country.  Where I am, you have to say some specific words, as well as signing the paper to be married, and if you have already done that, whenever that was, it has to be made very clear in the later ceremony that you are already married, and you can’t say those vows again.  So I was just advising people to check what the regs are in their own country, so they aren’t disappointed by what they are allowed to say at their second ceremony.

I had a friend who had to bring her wedding date forward by a few weeks because a close relative was dying and wanted to see her get married.  So they had a hospital deathbed wedding with just the witnesses & registrar.  So what had been her ‘wedding’ date, became her ‘wedding celebration’ date.  She walked up the aisle in her white dress, and they were able to make their own promises to each other, but they also had to say something about this service being a reconfirmation of vows already taken and the celebrant invited us all to the ‘celebration of x and y’s marriage, which has already taken place’.  My friend said it had to be made clear that they were already legally married.  I think she was a little disappointed by that, but under the circumstances had no choice, as letting the relative be there for the wedding was more important. 

Post # 21
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

This is something I usually have a lot of feelings on. I think it’s one thing to get married in jeans at the courthouse and then carry on as if you aren’t married until the ceremony…no name change, rings, referring to each other as husband/wife, etc. Those decisions are usually the result of a clear and urgent need for those legal protections. 

But, I too wonder at how special a ceremony 6-12 months down the road will be if you got married to BE married, and are living as spouses and consider yourselves to *be* married in all ways. I think you’re probably right in thinking it won’t feel special, because this person has been your spouse in every way for a good long while. 

There’s no right or wrong answer, but I would probably go to the courthouse like, tomorrow (they’re closing all around the country) and plan a super fun reception a year down the road (party only, no ceremony because dammit I’d want to look/feel/act married until then if we’re facing a pandemic that has long-term impacts on our culture and society).

My heart goes out to everyone making these decisions. I can’t imagine the stress of trying to make last minute decisions in the face of a pandemic that could last anywhere from 8 weeks to 18 months. 

Post # 22
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2021

My best pall just got married at the justice of the peace and will plan a big ceremony/reception for 2021 in the early winter.  So, she is legally married and they are living together and waiting for a better time to celebrate.  If you’ve sent invites out, and still want to have something very small to be legally married, there is nothing wrong with that.  Of course, you can still walk down the aisle and have your moment.  We all do!

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