(Closed) Brides who were savin’ it… I’m dying of curiosity

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

Fun question! I get asked this sometimes when it’s found out that my husband and I waited until our wedding night to have sex… and to be honest, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sure, I was shy and had to take more than a few deep breaths before coming out of the bathroom in my lingerie, but the look on his face when he saw me in my "pretty littles" (as my mom puts it) combined with knowing that he’d never looked at another woman in a similar get up (ads, commercials, etc don’t count) before was priceless. I know that first time sexual experiences can be seen as awkward and uncomfortable and that it’s seen as better to go into your wedding night experienced to alleviate any embarrasment, but since we were both coming from the same place, there really wasn’t any embarrasment to be found on our parts. I’m not gonna lie and say it was magical and perfect and not the least bit awkward, but the beauty of having waited until our wedding night was that we were in the same situation together. Believe me when I say that after months (years, technically!) of waiting to have sex that we were eager beavers to get down and learn what makes the good stuff good! The sex just keeps getting better and I love knowing that there’s never been anyone else who knows him in the intimate way that I do.

 So yes, the wait was hard and the first night wasn’t without its oops-es and laughs, but for us, it was (and continues to be) so dang worth it!

Post # 4
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Haha i love that you asked this question and although my wedding is not until May 29, I do understand your fears. My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years and have never had sex. And although that does seem pretty daunting and scary when I really sit down and overthink the wedding night, I think more than anything else, it is SO exciting! Sex is such an amazing gift from the Lord that He intended to glorify Himself and to bring you two together as one couple united forever πŸ™‚ (I hope that doesnt sound too cheesy).

 

If you and your fiance have not yet had sex, then I’m sure he will be just as nervous and anticipate it just as much as you do. I would encourage you to talk about it when the wedding is not too far away. I have no doubt that, when my wedding night comes, that it will be well worth the wait. God will bless you all the more for being patient.

 

I love your purity and innocence in asking this question. It’s great. When is your wedding? 

Post # 5
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

My fiance and I have never either – and we’ve been together almost 3 years. The wedding is in January, and I’m just excited. (We’ve both had experience before.) Sure, I’ll probably be sort of nervous. But hey, it’s my best friend! We’ll make it fun!

Post # 6
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

My fiance and I have been together about a year and a half, and for the past year (ironically, when we decided to live together) we decided to stop having sex and wait until we got married.  At first, I thought it was completely ridiculous because hey, you can’t undo what was already done, but it’s been really great and has made me look forward to our wedding night that much more. Our decision was religion based, but it also was nice for us because we were able to put aside that sexual chemistry that we already knew we had, and focus on our relationship and the future beyond the butterflies.  I commend anybody who sustains for any amount of time as it is extremely difficult, however the payoff on the wedding night (I believe, anyway) will be totally worth it! Kudos to the posts above me, you guys rock!

Post # 7
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2008

We didn’t wait to have sex. I think sexuality and physical intimacy are such an important part of a relationship, it’s not something I would advise anyone to leave to chance. Most couples share all other important things with each other before marriage, including information about previous relationships, fianancial details, etc… Kissing your boyfriend before marriage doesn’t make the wedding daykiss at the altar any less special. Why let some prudish puritanical concept that sex is somehow different than any other aspect of a relationship, lead you to take such a huge risk? What if you don’t have any chemistry? What if he’s terrible in bed? I believe that sexuality should be explored like any other aspect of a relationship, before entering into a lifelong committment.

Post # 8
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

"While you can certainly disagree with a blogger or another commenter’s ideas, we ask that you refrain from leaving comments that include personal attacks, snarkiness, defamatory remarks, racist remarks, threats, and excessive profanity."

MissDragonfly, I just wanted to copy part of the policy so you knew that personal attacks and snarkiness really aren’t appropriate, particularly in such a revealing thread! It’s a personal choice and not a reason to attack people for "prudish puritanical concepts". I’m actually really offended by your comment, as I am no where near puritanical nor do I claim to be – I have faith enough that God gave me good enough gut instincts to find the one I am to marry. Sexuality is magical and should definitely be explored! For some, they chose to wait until after marriage, but I don’t see how it’s a bad thing.  If you’re just marrying someone because they’re good in bed, that’s kinda messed up! If they’re bad in bed, there’s nothing that a few good books can’t teach. 

 

Personal choice = no need to name call. 

Post # 9
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My Fiance and I are also waiting – for religious belief reasons. He has had sex with previous girlfriends, I will be a virgin until we get married.

Miss Dragonfly – I think a majority of those saving sex for mariage do so because of religious beliefs. I never really understood the whole, "We need to find out if we have chemistry" argument. If you kiss and have physiscal contact wouldn’t you know if you have "chemistry?" I can tell I have chemistry with my Fiance and that we will have great sex! He is passionate, sweet, and gentle. I think it’s just a personal choice to have sex or not and needs no justification. I also think trying to find out if they will be terrible in bed is kind of sad! There and doctors and therapists to assist with those kind of problems, as long as both partneres are willing to stand by their life commitment and work out their issues together. I understand it is an important part of marriage, but I just wonder if your fiance was in an accident and could not have sex anymore, if you would break up with him because he would be "terrible in bed"?

 But back on topic – I am glad we have waited. There have been no pregnancy scares. No hurt feeling because one of us didn’t feel like having sex. None of the complicated stuff that comes with the pre-marital sex. Anyways, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is just mine!

Post # 11
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We waited until our wedding night and it wasn’t awkward, painful or embarressing.  I mean, it’s not like we were clueless to how things work and to what goes where.  πŸ™‚  We weren’t fumbling around like idiots.. it was all very natural, a lot of fun and pretty hot!  I wasn’t nervous, just excited — it wasn’t like we were two strangers together who had never even touched each other before.  

Plus, waiting made our honeymoon so much fun! 

I also don’t feel like waiting was any sort of "risk" as someone said. I know of countless happy, successful marriages between couples who choose to do it this way.  Having sex didn’t bring any kind of revelation about my husband’s character or our relationship or anything.  There wasn’t anything that came up that I thought, "Man, if only I had known this before!"

P.S.  You can tell if you have good chemistry without having sex!!

Post # 12
Member
40 posts
Newbee

We  were both virgin until our we got married and like most of other brides, we’re glad that we did! I also agree with loveletter’s post. I didn’t feel that waiting was any sort of risk either. The sex was just an icing on the cake. It only adds to our relationship even more.

I’m so, so curious to find out about recent brides’ experiences. I just always think that, after the stress of the wedding itself, the LAST thing I’d want is the pressure and pain of our "first time".  Brides, on your special night, did you think to yourself, "I hope he doesn’t want to do this again!", or were there fireworks right from the beginning?

I was a bit "lucky" because 2 days before my wedding day, I got my period πŸ™‚ I told him in advance so that he wouldn’t "expect" and be dissapointed. He understand and we waited again until my period was done. Meanwhile, we could actually spend more time being intimate towards each other. However, even if I didn’t get my period, we also talked about the possibility of doing it on the second night, just because the wedding night would be super exhausting for us.

So… yes… the first time.. honestly it was painful for me, but it went pretty natural and not really embarassing. We read a lot of books in advance for knowledge. It took me about a week or so to get used to it πŸ™‚ I think it would be different for everyone. I was told that the "pain" varies on every woman. I think the pressure depends on the relationship and intimacy level that you have with your husband(-to-be). Being open and honest about each other’s feeling and expectation really helps!

Post # 13
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My fiance and I haven’t waited but I am very impressed with those of you that have. 

Sex is an important piece in most all relationships but there are tough times in every relationship and sex can’t fix those problems.  (It can mask them though and my mom told me once when my fiance and I were arguing over which sofa we should get for our apartment to just give him a – – and you’ll get what you want…it worked too) But knowing you have a strong enough relationship to go through the ups and downs with actual communication is something that can’t be beat.  And lets face it when your 90 years old rocking in your rocking chairs sex isn’t going to be there.  You’ll have what you always had from day 1. 

Grin and bear it the first magical night and it will get SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

 

Congrats to all of you! 

Post # 14
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m glad you asked this question! I’m not sure how much insight I can give as I am not married yet (7 more months!), but my fiance and I have both been waiting for marriage. Just to give a little background we have been friends for over 7 years and in a relationship for about 3 1/2 years (we began dating during college).

For both of us the decision to wait was not just for religious reasons, but for personal reasons as well. Not to put down those who have had multiple partners, but I think there is something so special about having been with one person. There is no one else who will know my fiance’s body, his turn-ons, and all those intimate details like me and we get to explore all of that together. 

I agree with some of the other commenters that to me the whole how will you know if you have chemistry if you don’t have sex argument is weak. While my fiance has dated a couple other women before me (none seriously) he is the only person I’ve ever dated, kissed, etc. It may sound crazy, but I don’t need to date or kiss any others to know how wonderful he is. Sure, that first kiss was a little awkward, but it got good real quick and 3 1/2 years later there are still sparks every time we kiss. I didn’t need to kiss tons of guys to be able to tell him that I like it when he kisses me in a certain spot or a certain way and I believe sex will be the same way. I know my fiance and I know he will be gentle and won’t try to rush me and force me into having sex round the clock right after we get married if I’m in pain. While I am a bit nervous about our first time I think more than anything we’re both just really excited!

Post # 15
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I’d agree that you don’t need sex to figure out if you have phyiscal chemistry. 

I’d also guess that someone’s first time at 16, 18 or even 20 is very different than someone’s first time at 24, 28, or 30 when they are in a long standing committed relationship and have just gotten married.  Your body is different – your maturity is different – the relationship is different.  I’m pretty confident it won’t be so painful, embarrassing, or sensationless.

I didn’t wait til the wedding night – but my husband is the only man I’ve had sex with.  I waited a good 28 years.  The first time was not painful or embarssing at all.  I’m very glad he’s the only one that knows my body so well πŸ™‚  Plus I’ve heard condoms aren’t all that fun – I don’t know – I’ve never had to use one πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is really interesting.  My finace and I have had this talk before.  We did not wait until marriage to have sex, but we are eachothers only partners, so I know exactly where he has been.

 While I do agree the sexual chemistry argument should not be the sole reason for choosing or not choosing to have sex before marriage, it does make a difference.  Sex brings you to a whole different level of comfort and intimacy (obviously).

I had a friend tell us that there are three things that will cause problems in any relationship.  Sex, Money and children.  It is true.  I love my fiance to death, but it isn’t like the books, where everyone is in the mood at the same time.  That is an obstacle in a relationship that takes getting used to and communication to overcome. I am definately not saying that it isn’t something that can be dealt with afte rmarriage, but it is something that everyone needs to be aware of and talk about openly.

 Neither of us are religious people, which is one of the reasons we did not wait.  We were also 23 and 24 years old, and I knew he was it for me when we did have sex.  I didn’t see the point in waiting, and building all the expectations and everything.  I loved him, he loved me.

I’m all for waiting if it is agreed upon between both of you and you have the willpower to do it!!  And it seems like everyone here knows it isn’t going to be like the movies or books the first time, it is awkward, and it is ok to laugh at yourselves!!  Just remember practice makes perfect!  πŸ˜‰

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