(Closed) Brides Without a Father…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You are not alone. My father passed away 6 years ago today actually. Just a few months before I graduated college, the first in my family to. Thinking about it does make me sad as I won’t have him there to walk me down the aisle or have a father daughter dance. But I’m using my mothers wedding ring, the very one he gave her and plan on having pictures of him put into charms to have on my bouquet so that he will be with me. Some days are good, some bad but I know how happy he’d be for me and honestly just talking about with FI and my friends helps. You may think no one wants to hear about it, but trust me, talking about it with your very best friends will help and they won’t mind.

Post # 4
Member
3918 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My parents divorced when I was 3 and I had no contact with my father after that. So I won’t have him there on my wedding day either.

My mom is doing all that “father” stuff as she’s been the most influential person in my life – she’s walking me down the aisle but we aren’t doing the dance because I find that weird, but FI isn’t doing the mother/son dance either.

You don’t have to have a dad at your wedding. Find the person who has meant the most to you (mom, brother, grandma, gradndpa, cousin, etc) and have that person walk you down the aisle and dance with you 🙂

Post # 5
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My dad passed away about 13 years ago now, and it is still very raw.  When I think about not having him there I tear up.  When I see a wedding program where the bride has a father/daughter dance or some tribute to a lost father, I just lose it.

I think I’m going to walk down the aisle alone.  Probably not do a father/daughter type dance or maybe dance with FI’s father.

Sometimes I think it might be nice to do some kind of tribute, but I just don’t think I can handle it.  

Post # 6
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My dad is still alive, but we’ve been estranged for over 10 years (since I was 15, I haven’t seen or spoken to him). I decided to cut him out of my life because it was an unhealthy relationship.

 

I guess it was easier for me because i’m a very non traditional bride– even if my dad was there I wouldn’t have wanted to be “given away” or anything. I walked down the aisle by myself. My brother stood on my side of the wedding party too which I loved.

Post # 7
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My dad passed away 5 years ago. We weren’t close, but after he died, I realized how much he meant to me, and how much I regretted not having him there (my parents divorced when I was a baby). I’m walking down the aisle alone (though I know FFIL, a family friend, and several others would love to walk me). We aren’t doing any type of father/daughter dance or a mother/son dance. I think the mother/son dance is a regional thing, but FI said that he understands why it would be awkward to have one, and he isn’t really a dancer or a “center of attention” kind of guy. I plan on putting memorial photos of him and my grandpa (who passed away last year) on my bouquet.

Post # 8
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@LauraVolkmer:  I’m sorry you are going through this – I disagree with you that ‘no one wants to hear it’.  Your emotions are very real and growing up without your father is difficult.  My father passed away when I was very young and my mom assumed the role of mother and father.  Since I knew my father would never be around to see my wedding day, I’m not sure I was super disappointed – but, i still think about father/daughter dances and the tenderness brides and their fathers share.  Heck, I still get emotional about father/daughter relationships in general and it makes me sad that I don’t have that sort of connection with my dad.  Like you, everyone told me what a wonderful man my father was, and I think I’ve always tried to honor his legacy in emmulating the characteristics he seemed to have.

Since my mother raised me as a single mom – I ended up walking down the aisle, hand in hand with her.  I found it fitting to do so, and it worked out well.  I also did a mother/daughter dance with her and ended up twirling her around the dance floor.  It wasn’t exactly the tender moment I’d wished it would be (for other reasons) but I enjoyed it nontheless!

In the end, don’t let anyone pressure you that you have to so ‘x’ or ‘y’ has to walk you down the aisle (my other brother said “i guess I’m walking you down the aisle” and I about fell over (we are not close AT ALL, but he thought he’d assume the role as an older male family member).  You’ll come to the decision that makes sense for you – be it walking down alone, with a friend, mentor, or extended family member.  HUGS.  

DH’s father had also passed (in more recent years) and we honored them both by adding their names to our invites (ie:  son/daugher of jane and the late john doe)

Post # 9
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I dont have a relationship w/my dad. A family friend offered to walk but me, but I’ll either be entering by myself and having the groom meet me 1/2 way or have my daughter walk me down the aisle, she’s also my moh.  you can do a search on here for other threads that talk about walking down the aisle, there are all kinds of good suggestions 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are so not alone.  My father passed when I was 19 and I was a daddy’s girl.  I’m not going to lie I was sad that my dad wasn’t going to be there to walk me down the aisle and to have the father/daughter dance…. heck I even lost it at one of DH’s friends weddings b/c the father of the bride was a fool (acting really inappropriate) and I kept thinking that he got to have his special day with his daughter and my dad would miss mine and here this guy was acting a fool when my dad would have been sooo happy and proud 🙁

Anyway, I incorporated my dad into the wedding A LOT.  I had the broach he gave my mom on their wedding day on my bouquet with a pic of him on the back so he was “with” me while I walked down the aisle.  I also had family wedding pictures on my cake table so he was featured there AND I did a remembrance dance in place of the father/daughter dance.  The dj asked everyone to join us in memory of my dad as “dance with my father” played.  The dance floor was packed and I felt soooo much love!  There were tears too…. but it was great!

It’s hard to not have your father with you on the big day, but I’m sure he’ll be with you in spirit and you can picture just what he’d look like beaming at you! 

Post # 11
Member
1852 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My dad and I are not on good terms. He was not a good dad and we as a family do not want him around.

I’m fine with not having him around. I hope that somehow he finds out I’m getting married and realizes how badly he dropped the ball. I’m empowering myself otherwise with all of the other people I love in my life. For instance, my brother is walking me down the aisle. He’s the first man I’ve ever trusted with my life, and he’ll be the one with the honor of seeing me get married to the second man I’ve ever trusted with my life. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry for you and your father, he sounds like a great person. 

In terms of how to handle the isle without him, could you walk in together with your FI – the man of your dreams? This might seem unconventional to you, but it’s actually custom in Sweden where I’m from and my FI and I’ll do it for our wedding. Basically, you show everyone that you’re equals and that you both go into the marriage with joy.

Post # 13
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My dad died when I was four and dreaded my wedding day up until the day it happened. I thought I would cry my eyes out the entire day because he wasn’t there. Honestly, it wasn’t bad at all. I walked down the aisle by myself and really didn’t even think about him.

I don’t remember my dad at all. I don’t remember my childhood either. I wish every day that I could give him a hug and get to know him. It’s sad because I can’t stand my mom and always think that my dad would have been perfect.

Just be open about what you’re going through, don’t try to hide those feelings. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about my dad because my mom is insane and my sister isn’t really bothered at all about the fact that he’s dead. I’ve always been more upset about it.

I know it’s hard to think about your wedding day but I promise, if you are focusing on your husband you won’t be sad. Your dad will be with you every step of the way.

Post # 14
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My dad passed away suddenly about 2 years ago. Some days, it’s hard. I have definitely cried thinking about the moments he is missing out on. For the most part, I try to stay proactive, and think of ways to incorporate him into our wedding. I also lean on my FI a lot, and know he’ll hold my hand through any tough moments on the big day 🙂

Post # 15
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I never got to meet my dad too he passed away when I was a baby and I guess for me even though I would want my dad there, I have a very close knit family and I’m happy for my mum to walk me down the aisle! Sorry to all my fellow Bees without their dads ((hugs))  

Post # 16
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My father passed away when I was 9. I loved him so much and everyone has always told me I was his pride and joy. It’s been hard over the years but I had the fortune to have a beautiful strong mother who raised and supported me all by herself. So it’s important to me that my mother walk my down the aisle and give me away to my fiance.

I always felt a twinge of jealousy everytime I went to a friend’s wedding and the bride got to have her father/daughter dance. Now that i’m in the middle of planning my own wedding I have fears every now and then that i won’t be able to cope with not having that tender moment. So my fiance and i have decided to forego the father/daughter  and mother/son dance altogether. He and his mother fully support this decision (in fact I think they were relieved they hate being the center of attention). 

 

I would like to honor my father on our wedding day but I don’t want to be really open about it. It actually makes me uncomfortable when I talk about my father to people and they always give me a sympathetic look. So I will attach a pendant he gave to his sister to my bouquet.

 

Thank you for this post. Personally I feel uncomfortable talking about it out loud, but it still feels good to have an outlet for things like this 🙂

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