(Closed) Brides without a Mom

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t have my mom either, she passed away about 5 years ago, so I can sympathize it’s tough to be doing this stuff when you feel like your mom should be part of it! I almost think it would be harder to be in your shoes where things are unpredictable though! At least my mom will be doing a predictable nothing on my big day! Anyways my best advice so far is to surround yourself with the best supports you can for stuff where it feels like she should be present, and don’t be scared to speak up and tell those supports when it’s getting you down!

Post # 4
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My mother passed away 23 years ago when I was only 17…I have no concept of what it would be like to have a relationship with my mother as an adult so I guess that it is just “normal” to me.  

Sorry that I have no advice.

Post # 6
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can relate. My mom has numerous mental health issues and she makes extremely poor choices including substance abuse. She is barely involved in my life, but she will be invited to my future wedding. I am not even engaged yet, but since SO and I have a firm timeline for engagement/wedding I am totally stressing about my mom and how she will behave. She has yet to meet my Future Mother-In-Law or stepmom and I can see those meetings ending in disaster. I’ve recently decided that once I am formally engaged, I am going to sit down with mom and let her know my expectations from her during my shower, wedding, etc. if she cannot or willnot meet my expectations, then she can’t be involved. It may sound harsh, but practically and emotionally I know that I can’t worry about what she’s doing/ how she’s acting on my wedding day. Nor should I have to. I’ve also decided that I will ask certain family members- an aunt or two- to “babysit” her so that she doesn’t cause any scenes. It’s almost like she needs to be treated like a child and have a timeout if she misbehaves. I don’t know if any of that might work for your situation, though. I’m at a point with her where I will not allow her to dictate my life & decisions. I have wasted too much time worrying and crying and trying to help her (and watching her ignore my help). 

Bottom line: It sucks. I so badly want to be one of those brides whose mother is there helping pick the gown and making me feel like the most special girl in the world. I would love to be able to share this happy time with her. I just have to focus on the good & positive people in my life who love me. This is the hand that I was dealt and somehow I will make the best of it. 

Hang in there and really try to focus on yourself and your Fiance. This is such a beautiful time in your lives and you deserve every happiness. 

Post # 7
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m a bride without a dad.  FI is also without a dad.  His has past, mine is someone I don’t want anything to do with.

Post # 8
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First ((Hugs)) Planning a wedding without the support of your mother can be difficult and heart breaking. I can relate my mom passed away almost 6 years ago. The loss of my mother turned my already alcoholic father, into a severely depressed reclusive alcoholic. 

My fears for our wedding were

1. That my father would get too anxious and not show up or get too drunk at the hotel before to even participate.

2. Show up and get smashed at the party and embarrass us. He is known for drinking to the point of not being able to walk/falling off his chair etc.

In order to avoid either of these happening I put a plan in place in advance.I made sure he had someone with him the whole day before the wedding, basically a babysitter to make sure he showed up and that he wasn’t plastered when he did. AND I briefed the waitstaff and bartenders before the reception to make my father’s first scotch and soda full strength but for every drink after that it was to be extremely watered down. We even had a specific waiter assigned to his table to make sure there was only 1 person serving him.

In the end all of my pre planning worked out and my father (although he did drink) had a GREAT time! He was so happy to see all of the friends and family that he had shut out over the past few years and he even made plans to see a few different people. (and he kept them!)

I just want you to know that there is hope that your mother will come around. This is a wonderful excuse to get her out of the house to celebrate something beautiful. 

Post # 10
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Sunshine09:  Thanks 🙂 It’s nice to find someone who gets it. Sometimes my SO has a hard time understanding how I feel about it all. 

It is totally draining sometimes. I’m expecting it to get worse too, when I’m in the thick of planning. I hope everything works out well for you. Keep us posted if you’d like. 

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