(Closed) Brides worst nightmare. Please help!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry…

I really have no advice that I can offer you. I know the cultural differences are really hard. Is there anyone else; a male, that might be able to talk some sense into him???

I hope you are able to get everything worked out. And if you have to elope, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. The only other alternative would be to push the wedding out a year; maybe you can talk to the venue and see if the can reschedule for you. You could use that extra time to save up some money to pay for the wedding yourselves; it doesn’t have to be elaborate and you can invite whoever you want. Your dad wouldn’t even need to show up, if he didn’t want to. I know that would be hard on you, but it might be a viable option.

Post # 4
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m so sorry your wedding is getting canceled. When parents are paying for the wedding they usually have some say. In this case if your father doesn’t like the place can you two come up with some sort of compromise? Like have a few bottles of wine or hard liquor on the table?? In the end do what is right for you and Fiance its not about everyone else.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“Talking to him only complicates problems. He just yells and screams at me, and my mom.”

To me, this is a bigger problem than losing out on a wedding deposit.

Post # 6
Member
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Could a couple of bottles of wine be placed on each table?  Could that be your compromise?  Or does the venue not allow alcohol beverages on the table?  Or is the issue something else -like the cost of your wedding much higher that he realized it would be- the issue, but he doesn’t want to admit it?  I’m a parent, and I’m not into heavily impressing people, but for my daughter’s wedding on a budget it was important for me to make it nice.  It is a pretty big thing for parents not to feel embarrassed with what they can provide for a wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

*hugs* I don’t have any advice other than to breathe. Eloping is a perfectly lovely alternative.

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry you are going through this.

However, I am a little confused if your father is willing to pay for an open bar why don’t you just have an open bar?

Post # 9
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Now… I understand you’re upset… but it seems pretty obvious your parent’s approval is important to you.  So, how would they feel about you eloping?  From your post I get the feeling your dad would be furious.  HOWEVER, if it is something you end up wanting to do I’m sure there are plenty of people here that would be willing to help you!

Hope it all works out!

Post # 13
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Could you not ask your father to compromise? My father is pretty stubborn as well and when we first started planning he’d have little temper tantrums over stupid things. Eventually I learnt that having all of the information in writing for him or making charts etc. to show him what I was talking about worked best. That way he felt more like he was seeing the whole picture and I wasn’t just trying to do things my way when he was paying for it. We’re now just a few weeks away and I’m very surprised that he’s kept a level head especially when the bill just came in!

Try to think of ways you can present new ideas to him that will help him understand the big picture. If you show him how classy and elegant the food choices are maybe he won’t be so put off by the cash bar or print out photos of your venue in comparison to the new venue etc. etc. 

Also, you could suggest purchasing a wine package and having bottles on each table in addition to the cash bar. It would probably only cost a few hundred dollars at the very most. That way people can have a couple of free drinks and pay for more if alcohol if they choose. You could always take the angle that going this route will make your father look good by providing alcohol, but will stay classy by not forcing too much alcohol on your guests. Whatever you choose to say, just use your words carefully. Show him the pros to your ideas, but do it in a way that his generation (or your culture for that matter) understands. He may not get why you need x, x,x, and x items but hopefully if you can be skilled with words and examples you will be able to proove your point.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry that you’re having to cancel your wedding, but sounds like you have alteratives…seek them out before canceling.  I understand where you are coming from because we had the same reservation about having an open bar vs having drinks on the table too (that’s what it’s customary for weddings we attend).  We ended up going with an open bar and having drinks on tables of those that are our parents guests.  We don’t think it’s right to have our elder guests stand in line waiting for drinks so we want to at least have the drinks at their tables for them to pour themselves…we have to buy the cognac and pay for the corkage fee.  I’m sure if you explain it to your venue, they would do the same. 

Post # 15
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your dad wants to pay for an open bar, why not let him?

Post # 16
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

1. It sounds like your dad has some serious issues with respecting women.

2. Why not just pay for the wedding yourself and bypass all of this? I think it is sad that your father can’t see that his way is not the way of every other person around him. If it were my father, i’d just step around him and live my life the way I want to. Sticking to your guns and your independence is the best way to handle this, in my opinion.

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