(Closed) Brides..how much do you care about your guests?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My main concerns is comfort – will they have enough to eat, will the kids have ways to be entertained, will they be cool/warm enough?  I let some of the other things that people do slide though (out of town bags, favors, etc.)

I think it’s a bit of a balancing act.  We invited these people because they are important to us after allm so I do want them to have an enjoyable time.  However, I also know that I can’t please everyone so I’ve not bothered with trying to be “perfect’ about things for the guests.

Post # 4
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Prewedding I would have to say that my main concern is my guests. I worry about EVERYTHING related to them. It doesn’t matter if I have to go out of my way for them.

On the day of, however, it’s going to be my day and I can’t worry any more about what they think. Everything should hopefully be perfect by them anyways.

Post # 7
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t know about “more and more,” I think that most brides (even if they won’t admit it,) have for a long time been all about “me.” Are you saying that you’ve been noticing it more in general? Or just on WB?

Also, yes, comfort is very important. But I don’t think some of the idea should behind it should be much different than throwing any other party… Yes, you should make your guests comfortable, but I don’t think you have to bend over backward. If details aren’t to their liking, too bad. 

For example, I could invite a group of friends over and say, “hey wanna come over and eat a spaghetti dinner that I’ll make and watch a movie- we can pick from my wide selection!” I’m sure that there is varying opinions on the proper etiquette of how much a host should “bend” to her guests needs, but if one of my friends was like, “I don’t like spaghetti. I’m not coming til the movie part.” And another, “I hate all your movies. I’ll leave after dinner.” or something like that, I don’t think *I* would bend over backwards to accomodate them. If someone goes out of their way and does something nice for you, who are you to complain that it is not perfectly up to your standards?

ETA: sorry that’s probably a totally random analogy… but I do like this discussion!

Post # 8
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Making my wedding fun as well as convenient for guests was HUGE for me – i think i did a lot of planning with them in mind especially when it came to those traveling. we ended up having our reception in a hotel ballroom which made it extremely convenient for guests staying there  it was about 15 minutes from the church and about 15 minutes from the airport (pretty central location) and the price was right – about 100 a night if you could get in the block. Other things i did with guests in mine was creating a fun atmosphere which included great food, great music, great venue with and outdoor area with firepits for those who choose not to get in on the dancing.

I am headed to a wedding in october that i have to fly too – on top of travel expenses their blocked hotel rooms are 185 a night! i was blown away by that, super expensive and had i known before booking my flight i might have skipped this wedding (my fault) but between flying, renting a car and staying there we are shelling out A LOT of money to attend this wedding…I think its really important to think about your guests in situations like this – but its very possible most of their guests are in town, where most of my guests had to travel to attend.

 

Post # 9
Member
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

I definitely think of a few things when it comes to the guests.. and some have already been listed above:

1- Comfort ( seating/ chairs, is everyone well fed, do we have anough variety to accomodate picky eaters, is everything easily accessible, are there plenty of restrooms?)

2- FUN ( a dance mix that everyone can enjoy, unique selection of drinks/desserts, a lot of this has to do with WHO is going to be there)

3- Convenience ( am I making it as convenient as possible with directions, invites, wesbite, parking situation, etc)

I can TRY to think of everything… but it will be impossible to please 150 people perfectly. Another thread today got me thinking of something… we aren’t having a seating chart, but are opting to reserve tables for the family/bridal parties and let our guests decide where they would like to sit/stand and eat or mingle. Some people probably think that is not putting the guests first. So a lot of it is going to be subjective!

Post # 9
Member
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

I definitely think of a few things when it comes to the guests.. and some have already been listed above:

1- Comfort ( seating/ chairs, is everyone well fed, do we have anough variety to accomodate picky eaters, is everything easily accessible, are there plenty of restrooms?)

2- FUN ( a dance mix that everyone can enjoy, unique selection of drinks/desserts, a lot of this has to do with WHO is going to be there)

3- Convenience ( am I making it as convenient as possible with directions, invites, wesbite, parking situation, etc)

I can TRY to think of everything… but it will be impossible to please 150 people perfectly. Another thread today got me thinking of something… we aren’t having a seating chart, but are opting to reserve tables for the family/bridal parties and let our guests decide where they would like to sit/stand and eat or mingle. Some people probably think that is not putting the guests first. So a lot of it is going to be subjective!

Post # 10
Member
14656 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Enough not to go crazy.  My mother cared about how easy it was to attending and making sure it was no more than a 30 minute drove for most everyone.  The venue limited capacity so we were sure to have enough room.  There was more than enough food with a 3 course meal and hor d’s that were alloted 8/person and open bar.  That is what most our guests/family cared about.  Now if someone didnt want to come for some stupid reason like.. its a Sunday and I gotta work monday – I’m not going to care for some BS excuse.  Yes its Sunday, Yes you have to work, but so do the other 100+ people that DO care about me enough to attend.  So its not that I dont care about the guest, but its that if some particular guest does not care enough about me not to make up some stupid excuse about not coming, then I now view that person in a different light and dont care.  *not that this happened to me, but just the best example I could think of for my situation*

Post # 11
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think I might be guilty of thinking of them as a head count/plate $$! I mean I’m not a total jerk, I definitely think about certian things, ie I want them to have great food, great music, a fun time. I’m choosing a very reasonable priced hotel for them and we did choose a location that is very central/convenient to everyone. I’m not really thinking much beyond that though, I mean really what can i do? Free food, free booze, awsome music, what else do they want from me? Lol.  I should mention that about 35% o fthe guests are on FI’s side and I have never/only once met them, so maybe that’s why I feel this way.

I think where I get overly caring is my bridesmaids- I am trying to make everything as low-cost for them, covering hair/makeup/nails, as much as I can, trying to get fancy gifts, covering their hotel, etc.

Post # 12
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

It is a balancing act. I want my guests to be comfortable and enjoy the experience, but I also want the day to reflect me and my FI/DH. There aer people that are very close (like family) that I will do whatever necessary to ensure they will be able to attend (and yes, this was an issue I had to deal with). There are those people I would love to be there, like friends, but I can’t change my wedding to accomodate them, if it will make it so my family can’t be there. Then there are my and FI’s views of how we want our wedding to be. You can’t please everyone all of the time, and it is your party. You have to decide and sometimes people disagree. I would hope my guests know and love me enough to forgive minor inconveniences. Just like I would never dictate, as a guest, how someone else should plan their event. 

Post # 12
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I 100% agree that it is so important to make sure your guests are comfortable and have a great time, and that they feel like their presence is appreciated and acknowledged. That’s just being a good host.

However, like PPs said, it is a balancing act. There have been a couple times that I have had to decide between doing something pretty important to me (like naming our tables after our favorite charities to incorporate that part of our lives) that may not be the most convenient option for our guests (which would be just going with table numbers). I think there is something to be said in that the bride will remember this day for the rest of her life, and for most of the guests, it will be pretty much just another wedding they went to. So I don’t think the bride (or groom) should always sacrifice something important to her/him just to please the guests. As long as I have tried hard to otherwise make the party a great time, I don’t think it’s asking too much for my guests to read a table name instead of a number. 

Like any party, if you don’t care about your guests, you shouldn’t even be having a wedding. But if I spent my entire wedding planning process throwing my desires out the window to try to make it a perfect night for everyone else…well, I wouldn’t. I have no desire to spend tens of thousands of dollars and months of my life just trying to throw a fun party that isn’t of any personal importance to me. Yes, you say your vows that day but the reception, which is what most people think of as the predominant guest experience, is just a party. So maybe my thoughts on this make me a selfish bride, but I feel the same way when I am a guest at someone else’s wedding. Like, “why would I expect them to cater to me all night when it’s their wedding day? I am just happy to be here!” And in my experience, that is generally the attitude that most people I know take. Although to be fair, I have never been to a wedding where my comfort was blantantly disregarded, and I would never want to host one myself.     

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