Post # 1
Hi! So, my best friend is getting married exactly two weeks before my wedding. We are going to be bridesmaids in eachothers weddings. (It’s a long and sad story but we became best friends after we had picked our dates or we would have avoided that!) I am very stressed about being in a wedding 2 weeks before mine. And thursday is her bachlorette, friday is her rehearsal, saturday is her wedding. So she needs me for 3 days that week! My rehearsal is the weekend in between our weddings. I was recently diagnosed with POTS (a chronic illness that basically makes it hard to breathe and tiring to stand up) and because of my health I have to take things easy. I also work a full time job (which I shouldn’t with my illness but have to for the $ and health insurance). So working full time, planning 2 weddings and then April, being in her wedding, 3 days worth of stuff, our rehearsal the next week, my wedding the next weekend (set up friday, wedding saturday and brunch sunday) is a lot. I don’t know how to handle all of this. Not to mention the financial aspect of it (my sisters wedding is next month- so we are only a few months apart as well and I’m a bridesmaid in that as well!)
I don’t know what advice I really want, I just want any advice anyone can give me.
Ok- edit- I didn’t mean for people to focus in on me saying “planning two weddings” we are both having fun with that part. I didn’t mean to imply that we were truly planning eachothers weddings, just helping eachother, bouncing ideas off eachother, going to see venues with eachother, going dress shopping with eachother etc. It just feels like planning two weddings because of how many events we both want the other one at-standard things that most people would want their best friends at!
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Post # 2
I think you two need an agreement that you won’t expect any help with each other’s weddings beyond being at events. You do not need to plan 2 weddings. You need to plan 1 wedding: yours. (And your fiance should be the main person stepping up and helping).
You’re not needed on all of Thursday and Friday. Feel free to leave after a couple of hours of the Thursday bachelorette party so that you can still work Friday. And the Friday rehearsal (and dinner if there is one) should be fairly low stress.
Post # 3
We are having a lot of fun helping each other plan, it’s not stressful, it actually helps make it less stressful! And we have agreed we will be eachothers “low key bridesmaids” and if we can’t help with stuff we just tell eachother and theres no hard feelings.
I am planning to just go to the dinner part of the bachlorette party because I’m not a partier. And the rehearsal dinner shouldn’t be too bad, however I don’t think she’s inviting plus ones and its weird to me to not be able to bring my fiance to that, So i’m not sure what to do about that either.
Post # 4
You’re not planning two weddings. You’re planning yours. Sure, you can help her but really that is her and her FIs job, not yours whatsoever. Same goes for yours Rely on your Fiance and not her.
Also, if youre a good planner who takes time to get everything all set, you really shouldn’t be overly stressed before your wedding. Make a list of what you need to get done each day prior to YOUR wedding so you can plan accordingly.
Post # 5
Our best friends got married the weekend before us 8 hours away. My husband had to fly there from across the world because he got sent on a business trip for work the week before our wedding. I was in their wedding, and the other couple was our officiant/groomsmen. It was crazy, busy, stressful and so much fun! 2 straight weeks of celebrating love with my best friends. It wasn’t how I pictured it, i thought I’d be crazy stressed but honestly, it was no big deal. Make sure you are done with everything you can before their wedding so you can relax and have fun. I finished everything I could 2 weeks before my wedding so I could relax. We didn’t stay for the brunch at their wedding so we could fly home and finish stuff. They totally understood. Don’t feel obligated to attend her bachelorette on Thursday if you are really overwhelmed, she should understand.
Not sure what else to tell you, except you just handle it. You’ll be fine.
Post # 6
I can’t speak to the illness part, but my best friend and I had weddings two weeks apart (she was a bridesmaid and I officiated hers) and it was just fine. We were both planned and organized enough that we weren’t trying to do anything last minute and could enjoy each other’s days, and it was really fun to share such a special time with them. Will you have some time after your wedding to rest and recover?
Post # 7
Why is your rehearsal a week before your wedding? That sounds like a lot of extra work for you all.
Hopefully, a year from now your illness will be better under control. Did they test your Vitamin levels also? B12 deficiencies can make POTS worse. http://potsgrrl.blogspot.com/2011/03/check-your-vitamin-levels.html
I think everything will work out. Right now, you are in the major planning stage and it’s a lot. It will get better! And it’s more fun to plan things with a friend!
Post # 8
Don’t build things up in your mind to be bigger than they are.
You updated that you will only go to the dinner for the bachelorette= no big deal. You would have to eat dinner Thursday anyhow, and this way you don’t have to cook it.
Ditto with the rehearsal and dinner. You can sit down as much as possible in the actual rehearsal and also get another night off cooking. You do not have to linger and rink after. Go home and go to bed. I think SO’s should be included, but given that your Fiance is not, he can plan either a boys night out for that night, or a relaxing night at home.
The wedding on Saturday will require more of your time, but you can also schedule some breaks for yourself.
All of this and your own wedding are 9 months away. You have more than enough time to make sure you get everything on your list done ahead of time so you don’t have a last minute scramble and energy drain.
Post # 9
Calmly, calmly OP, both weddings are ages away yet. Work out ( sounds like you already have to soem degree) what seems reasonable and nearer the time talk to each other about it .
I think you are just having a little pre-panic – it’ll be fine.
Post # 10
I have to agree with the pp’s saying they are both a bit away. Hopefully everything is squared away by then and all that is left is minor last minute things. I know this doesn’t really relate to your situation, but I don’t even have a date picked (we mentioned this year, then next, maybe be 2018 or even 2019) but I have about 80% planned. Unless the dressss are discontinued or they tear the venue down (unlikely since they just renovated it) it’ll be putting the pieces together and actually paying (I want to have as much as possible set aside so we can pay outright, no credit cards). I know planning 2-3 years away is probably a bad idea… but I’m a planner and otherwise I go nuts.
Anyway, I’d do what you planned on doing, go to dinner, and show up at the wedding. Let the the other bridesmaids do the brunt of the work (and vice versa for her in yours) ans be done.