Post # 1
I am a bridesmaid for a very good friend, but I am having some difficulties with on of her other bridesmaids. She is from a very well to-do family and is getting very frustrated with the bride for working on a budget– for instance we will be carrying fake flowers instead of real (to save about 15-20 dollars per bouquet!), buying our own dresses, and we will be doing each others hair and makeup. The other bridesmaid keeps making offhanded remarks about how the bride will be carrying a real bouquet and spent $500 on a dress for herself but won’t spend money on us. I completely understand where the bride is coming from, but my reasoning that “the bride is on budget” is falling on deaf ears because the bridesmaid’s sister (married last summer) didn’t have one– in fact she thinks it is rude that the brides parent’s set one.
How do I politely explain to her the situation? I feel like the budget issue doesn’t sink in- and she doesn’t listen and either doesn’t notice or care how much it upsets the bride. Should I ignore it (is it my place to say something if the bride won’t– even though she’s teared up at the comments?)
Has any bride or bridesmaid had this problem? I would love any suggestions.
PS- In case I did, I in NO WAY mean to make her sound like a bad person for having money– several of my friends are VERY wealthy but they are very well aware of budgeting!
Post # 3
it’s so much easier spending other peoples money. 😉 i would just keep reminding her that they can’t afford to spend top dollar on everything, and they’re doing the best they can. if she persists, let her know, flat out, she’s being rude and inappropriate… or ask her how much cash she’s contributing?!
Post # 4
I would say something – I would pull her to the side or invite her out for coffee and ask her about how’s she’s feeling with all the planning. My guess is that it may not have anything to do with money but more feeling left out or jealous, and if you can attend to those feelings in a meaningful way it may end/reduce the snarkiness. Encourage her to talk to the bride too, if feeling left out or if she’s suffering from “always a bridesmaid” syndrome. With her sister and now one of her best friends getting married, she may feel left behind or be afraid that she’s losing people that are important to her. Or, I could just be reading way too much into it.. but I would always check for hurt feelings first.
However, if it really does come down to money and a lack of class, you can remind her that it’s NOT her wedding, and that the polite thing to do is the be supportive of the bride and keep her damn trap shut otherwise 🙂
Post # 5
i wouldn’t say anything to the other bridesmaid but continue to support your friend, the bride.
Chances are that the bride knows what she is like if she is close enough to have her in the bridal party in the first place.
Set a positive, good example and let the rest go.