posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do with my bridesmaid/ friend Elsa?
    Remove her as a bridesmaid : (4 votes)
    16 %
    Remove her as a friend : (5 votes)
    20 %
    Try to work things out : (16 votes)
    64 %
  • Post # 2
    35 posts
    • Wedding: February 2018

    i think you shouldn’t take this too seriously. cos people who are “gifted” actually does have the intuition about some people but they’re not allowed to tell why or too afraid to share it even to their closest ones. think of it as her opinion, but if you don’t see that what she’s talking is true, you can proof it, because it’s your own marriage life after all. and you don’t actually start kicking her from being your bridesmaid or even choosing not to befriend her again. you guys can work this out nicely

    Post # 3
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Is she actually batshit crazy or is she using her magical powers to talk shit about your fiancé? If she’s actually batshit crazy, then I don’t see how anything has changed so I don’t see why you should kick her. If it’s the latter then kick her. 

    Post # 4
    1057 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    Reading the past is called remembering things, and no one can read the future.  She’s either playing with your head or she’s delusional. 

    Post # 5
    35 posts

    Hm..that’s a unique situation. Friend-wise, I would try to work things out. Not knowing her, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that she honestly feels this intuitively and doesn’t have alterier motives of trying to break you two up. With this comes setting clear boundaries within your friendship…yes, she may have some gifts, but I’d ask her not to share those with you when it pertains to your personal life. Also, I’m a firm believer that there are those who see what others cannot BUT I also believe that your life and choices are there for a reason…to teach you things and to learn from experiences. If you also had doubts about your marriage, I’d say to take into account what she’s saying. But it doesn’t sound like you do at all! And if she truly supports your happiness, she’ll honor your requests and stop with unsolicited advice. 🙂 

    Post # 6
    1260 posts
    Bumble bee

    xiexie :  I was thinking that too! What does reading the past mean? That she remembers things? 

    I’m skeptical whenever someone claims to have special “gifts”.

    The thing with “reading the future” is that it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. By that I mean if you believe such things, you’re allowing the person claiming to know the future to plant a seed in your head, consciously or subconsciously, and your actions start reflecting this belief until eventually it comes true. Not because the person could really read the future but because you let it influence how you behave, which is ultimately what determines your future.

    In your case, you are obviously taking what she said seriously, otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much. Like if someone said that to me about my fiancé I would laugh in their face and not give it a second thought. Of course I also wouldn’t be friends with someone who claims to foresee the future.

    So I would ask, are you 100% sure your fiancé is the one? Are there things that cause you to doubt the relationship, things that this friend know about? If so maybe there’s valid reason for her to express her opinion, despite in the guise of “I can foresee the future”.

    Post # 7
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    ngorges :  I tend to believe in this sort of thing. Would you be willing to press her more about her vision? Are you afriad of what she might say? I feel like she must have something more than just a feeling to have said it at all. I think most decent people keep fleeting opinions about committed partners to themseleves.

    Post # 8
    4495 posts
    Honey bee

    A friends supports you.  A friend is not required to blow smoke up your ass.  I’ve supported lots of my friends who got married to guys I thought were complete dickheads (and in your case if it doesn’t even sound like she dislikes Joe, just that her vision says he is ultimately not the one…which…ok, cool, move on).  

    It sounds like your friend is being exactly who she has always been, but now because she doesn’t say you and your fiance are perfect for each other (I have never said that about any couple, let alone my friends about to marry) but is still supportive of you, you want to shit-can her from your life? 

    She doesn’t have to be sorry about what she says – she believes what she says.  People don’t have To be sorry for their opinion or be sorry they arent saying exactly what you want to hear.  But she is sorry about how it affects you – which is precisely what a friend should care about. 

    So just tell her that you are glad she is supportive of you but when she says things about how your marriage to Joe shouldn’t happen or won’t last, you get very hurt and you would prefer she keep that to herself from now one.  You have already heard it, listened to it, and have made up your mind and the subject is closed.  The more you protest it and demand people blow rainbows up your arse, the more inclined I am to think you are really insecure and fear/think she is correct.

    Stop trying to make her believe or hold opinions that exactly match yours – would you do that about politics or child-rearing or religion or food preferences?  And stop measuring friendship by whether or not she thinks all your choices in life are perfection and rainbows and you and your fiance are just the bestest who have ever lived.    Because doing that actually make you the shitty friend, not her.

    Post # 9
    8485 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    It all really depends on if you really think she can “know” or “see” this. If you think it is all BS just ignore her and if she brings it up again tell her it is not up for discusion.

    Post # 10
    1594 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Honestly, I think people who “read the future” are full of shit. I’d remove her as a bridesmaid purely because you don’t need that kind of negativity on your day and it sounds like she’s either extremely dillusional or trying to cause problems.

    Post # 11
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    missyjz :  I don’t think that the OP being upset means that she believes in it. If a random stranger walked up to me and said that fiance and I wouldn’t work out then I’d just keep walking. If my friend told me that we wouldn’t work out and I asked why and they gave the equivalent of “because reasons” then I’d be annoyed at that friend. I think that is reasonable. The friend isn’t pointing out red flags or telling OP about incompatibilities; she is declaring that she JUST KNOWS that they won’t work out, which is disrespectful to say the least. 

    Post # 12
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

    She supports your marriage. What more can you want?

    Post # 13
    227 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think I’d stop being friends with her, because it sounds like she’s trying in her own way to do what she thinks is best for you, whilst still supporting you. However I would have a *really* hard time having a bridesmaid there on my wedding day who didn’t fully support my relationship, wasn’t celebrating us getting married but thinking about when we’d break up, and who didn’t like my partner – whether they blamed on on psychic powers or not.

    Post # 14
    8822 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    ngorges :  It sounds like you believe that she’s gifted, so why are you mad at her for sharing what the universe has told her? She’s not creating the negative intuitions, she’s just the messenger here. And she’s even supporting you in spite of it. If you don’t believe in her ability, ask her to not mention it to you again. Actually, I reccomend this in either case. Tell her you appreciate her concern but you don’t want to hear any of it any more.

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