Post # 1
So FH And I have agreed to three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, along with a flower girl and ring bearer. I’ve picked out my Maid/Matron of Honor (best friend) and first bridesmaid (close friend). I’m really struggling to pick a third. My cousins wife and I are very close, but she lives 1,000 miles away. So she wouldn’t be able to attend the bridal shower, dress shopping, or any other thing besides rehearsal dinner and the wedding. I also a have a friend that happens to be my ex-boyfriends sister. I was not friends with her before I started dating her brother, and she is not close with her brother. I worry that it may be awkward for her family and my FH to have my ex’s sister up there. Any pros/cons, ideas, or advice are appreciated. My FH says “do what makes you happiest.” But I don’t know what to do. Help please!!
Post # 2
Your BMs don’t have to attend every single event and you do not have to have equal numbers. Choose people because they mean something to you and you want them to stand with you on this important day, not because you require symmetry or assistance/participation/contributions.
Post # 3
Your cousin’s wife can get her dress from stores local to her or online if possible. If you choose Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses from a super unique boutique, you can always send them yourself. Same with shoes. Her presence is not required for events aside from the wedding, so as long as she can definitely make it, there is nothing stopping you from having her with you in your big day.
Post # 4
This is a no brainer-as someone whose sister and best friend both live 2000 miles away from her, you pick the person you are closest to and have zero expectation of them attending unnecessary pre-wedding events. Who cares if she can’t watch you try a dress on or open presents? What matters is how important she is in your life.
Post # 5
Hey bee — congratulations!! I kind of feel you want about this part backwards. Seems like you’d pick your nearest and dearest that you can’t imagine standing up there without, and then count them — that’s how many bridesmaids you have; rather than pick an arbitrary number and then retrofit people to match that number. So in your case, I’d just have 2. If you’re set on 3 though, ask the one you’re closest with and let her know you don’t expect her to travel for extra parties or to watch you try on clothes.
Post # 6
I would choose your cousin’s wife because you’re close to her. It’s ok that she can’t attend your other activities. You don’t need your entire bridal party there with you. During wedding planning you will realize that not everyone puts your wedding a priorty and that’s perfectly fine and normal. Don’t hold such expectations or else you’ll drive yourself crazy. Choose the person you’re closest to. And congrats!
Post # 7
I shall copy and paste what I just posted for another bee with a similar question:
1. Don’t make bridal party decisions based on who you think will be around for pre-wedding events or based on getting even numbers. These are your friends and it should be based off your closest relationships. Symmetry on bride vs groom side is overrated and nothing compared to your personal friendships with each individual you ask. What true expectations do you have of your Maid/Matron of Honor and bridal party?
2. If your wedding is really in October of 2020, t’s still way too early to ask your bridal party anyway. Most recommend waiting until 6-8 months out from the wedding. You still have a lot of to make a decision and things can change more than you might think within that time.
Post # 8
Not only do the sides not have to be even, they should not be if your closest relationships don’t coincidentally work out that way. They are people, not dress up dolls.
Bridesmaids do not have to be anywhere but your wedding. It’s an honor, not a job description.
Post # 9
Agree with PP, I had one less bridesmaid so my sister walked down the aisle with 2 groomsmen, she loved it
Post # 10
You do NOT need to have a specific or equal number of people on each side. If you have 2 people you want as bridesmaids then you only need 2 bridesmaids.
Post # 11
Our sides aren’t even and no one cares. My vote is do not have an ex’s sister in your bridal party, super inappropriate especially as you only thought of it as a fill in for someone you actually want in your party.
Post # 12
Have the people you want.
1. I was a bridesmaid for my cousin, who I am very close with. We live 4000 miles apart and I was not able to attend any “pre-wedding” events. I did some research for her and picked up the bridesmaid jewellery that she found in my country for a better price than hers.
2. I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my close friend. When she asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor she lived 1800 miles away. I said I would be happy to, but couldn’t afford pre-wedding events. She didn’t expect me to, but still wanted me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. Lucky set of circumstances, her fiance got a job offer a month later in my city, they moved out here, and ended up having the wedding out here, so I got to do everything.
Both of these women included me in their bridal parties because of our friendship, not because they wanted me to do things for them.
Post # 13
If I were you, I would go to with your cousin’s wife.