Bridesmaid acting bad

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
1693 posts
Bumble bee

What she’s doing doesn’t seem that bad to be honest. Did she demand that you do a first look or suggest it? You seem overwhelmed and maybe putting it all on this bridesmaid. I think it’s good that you’re making time for yourself. 

Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

Hi, Bee! Since you’re wedding date is approaching, it’s natural for you to feel stressed and for little, simple things to push you over the edge. Perhaps you’re reading a bit too much into the hair extensions thing? And I wouldn’t be upset that my friend/bridesmaid is trying to plan a “first look” for me and my groom. She may be a bit overbearing about it, but I’m sure it’s because she doesn’t want you to “miss out” on certain experiences attached to a wedding. In the end, it’s about what you and your groom want, so just respecfully decline her offers/ideas. I can relate to needed time to yourself before your wedding, so do what’s most comfortable to you. Just don’t put your focus on one of your bridersmaids when you should focus on yourself and your future husband. Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You can’t control what she wants to do with her hair. 

She wants to be involved and asking you questions and you are upset? 

She can’t plan a first look unless you let her. Just tell her no, it’s not what you want. 

If you don’t care where she walks, then just say “okay, that’s fine”

You are making a really big deal over nothing. 

Post # 5
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Is it possible you’re stressed out yourself and that is causing you to read situations differently than the bridesmaid is intending them? I doubt the hair extensions mean anything – she just wants them. So what?

As far as wanting to know every detail of the wedding – maybe she is just excited and wants to be able to be there in the ebst way she can! The more she knows about schedule, etc, the more prepared she can be day-of.

Was the first look a suggestion, or is she pushing it really hard on you even after you’ve said no? If she merely suggested it, say thanks for the suggestion but no, and move on. If she is pushing it, tell her you’ve made your decision so please stop bringing it up.

Same with the procession order – is she being pushy about it? Or did she simply make a suggestion? What reasons did she give for making that suggestion? Perhaps she thinks it would look better for photos if you go in a certain order due to height differences among the girls. Again, if she is being pushy tell her to stop, but otherwise there is nothing wrong with her making suggestions.

Post # 8
Member
13210 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If she wants to know details, share as much as you want or be vague. Let her know final decisions will be made by the time of rehearsal. 

She can do extensions and style them however she wants. It’s not a competition. She may be well intentioned in suggesting a first look, though it’s possible it might be about not wanting to miss out on the party herself. Either way, it’s not a big deal to tell her that your decision has been made.

If you want people walking down the aisle in a certain order just tell her. If her perception is that the order has anything to with closeness of relationship, let her know that is not the case. Order can be alphabetical, or family first for that matter. 

And if it’s more about how repetitive and annoying she is, tell her everything is under control, you’re a bit stressed, and just want a break from talking about the wedding details for a few days. I would say this last part on the phone or in person though. Texting may come across in a way you don’t intend. 

Post # 9
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
melissakbi :  This shouldn’t make you feel bad. It’s a reality check. 

Post # 10
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

View original reply
melissakbi :  Girl, I have this as well, and we’re not even close to the wedding. My Future Sister-In-Law is trying her best to make this wedding all about her. After our photographer fell through, she was going to recommend one but couldn’t remember their name. Instead of giving me their name the next day, she got quotes and asked about the date. She has always been very competitive with me, so everything that I do, she will have to do 100x more. And she also has already been badgering me about a first look, and been trying to basically plan the wedding for me. She has been showing my dress to everyone she sees and every time someone asks to see my ring her response is “I saw it before he even proposed. I approved of it, and…”blah, blah blah, just basically to make it all about herself. 

You’re just going to have to suck this up and let it roll off your back! I’m sure it seems even more because you are stressted, so just try to aviod her and enjoy your last week as a single lady! 

Post # 11
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

View original reply
melissakbi :  Ugh, ok that would be frustrating and annoying. Next time she is being pushy about something I’d suggest calmly but firmly telling her “You’ve been pretty pushy about a few things and it is adding unnecessary stress for me during an already busy and stressful time. Please respect my decisions and try to just enjoy the day. I don’t want to argue about this stuff.”

Post # 12
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

View original reply
sboom :  Amazing response! OP, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. It sounds really frustrating. Remember that this is your day, not hers – don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for sticking to your guns and saying no. A true friend would never want to intentionally cause you stress like this.

Post # 13
Member
34 posts
Newbee

She sounds so annoying and extra omg! Don’t let her ruin your day and stress you out more than you need to be. Do what you want since it’s your wedding and just flat out say no to things she demands or suggests aggressively. Gently remind her that it’s your wedding. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

She’s being a selfish bridezilla. And she’s not the bride.

Time to put your foot down about the things you want and don’t want. Weddings really sift through who your true friends are. Don’t be scared of it, be observant and willing to see new characteristics.

Post # 15
Member
2518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
melissakbi :  huh? the comment from 
View original reply
MrsWiggles :  wasn’t mean at all. She was being straightforward and honest and she had no personal attacks. Calm down. 

She is not in charge of your wedding she cannot force you to have a first look so this is a nonissue. Yeah she might try to pressure you to have one and be rude but she cant make it happen.

Her hair will have longers/fuller extensions than ours? What does that matter? It’s her hair. You’re the bride so no one will even look at her twice.

She’s complaining about the order? Ok, and? If she’s hurt and not communicating effectively then explain to her that she is still important to you. If the order doesnt matter to you just put her 2nd, what will that hurt?

Yes, she sounds bratty and annoying but nothing to stress over. This is not drama. This is not something to worry about before your wedding. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors