Post # 1
Ok, I’ll start from the beginning. I’ve known my friend since diapers. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and she really hasn’t ever hung out with us together. But my friend and I would just hang out and have a great time.
My friend has never really dated anyone and when I got engaged, she was finally dating someone! 🙂 I felt like she completely ditched me once she got a boyfriend but I was completely happy for her. I was a little hurt she did that to me so once I got engaged, she really wasn’t the first to know. At the time, I was having terrible drama with my sister so I asked my friend to be my Made of Honor since we have known each other our whole lives. She said yes but at the same time was having trouble with her Boyfriend or Best Friend. They ended up breaking up and I was there for her 100% but when I started talking about the wedding, I felt she wasn’t interested. With that being said, I had other girls who asked me if they could go dress shopping with me. My made of honor never once said she wanted to go. But I asked her to go with me and said I wanted her opinion. The day before we were suppose to go look at dresses, we met for dinner. She was very standoffish the whole time and would barely say a word. When I asked her about going to get a dress with me, she said “Why would you go and look at dresses when your wedding is a year away and you could gain or loose weight?” (in a really snappy voice) turn out weddign was only 10 months away and we all know we need extra time to pick dresses! That right there hurt my feelings. I kind of told her off and we both ended up leaving pissed.
We ended up not even talking for 3 months after that and I tried to talk to her and explain why I was upset and I asked her if we could meet up. I also explained to her that I was about to look at bridesmaid dresses as well and wanted to know where she stood. She kept blowing me off and one day I asked her why. She said she could sense I was still upset and that I made her feel uncomfortable. So she never wanted to meet up with me.
I still invited her to my bridal shower and we have spoke a little since then through text and person but she has not once asked me about my life or wedding. But she came to my bridal shower and one of my friends asked her if she was in it and she said NO. It sounds like she made up her mind already but should I still ask her to be in it???
Post # 3
I think your friend is having a hard time with her break-up particularly has it was her first proper relationship. The last thing she wants to do is look at someone else in love and about to get married.
Its difficult because on one hand she should try and put that aside and just be happy for you, but you just dont know where her head is, and some people can get wrapped up in themselves.She might feel you are only interested in the wedding and not supporting her?
I have a very good friend I have known for years, she can be quite self involved at times and thoughtless and although it annoys me I know she is a good person and cares for me a great deal. So I try to let it go.
I think you need to look at your friendship and what she means to you. if this is out of character for her I think you should maybe sit down with her and say how much you would like her to be a part of your wedding and does she still want to. If she doesnt then she can be a guest.
Post # 4
@85sunfire: I’m just a little confused…. your wedding date is September.. that is 4 months away. Did she buy a dress? If not, she may not even have enough time to get one. It sounds as if she does not want to be in the wedding but if it were me I would bluntly ask. “xxx said you told her you were not in my wedding, are you stepping down from being my MOH?”
Post # 5
@JessSeny: I am a blunt person so I agree with just directly asking her. You dont have enouhh time to play games or wonder if she will be in it.
Post # 6
If she said she’s not in it, I wouldn’t ask her again. Doesn’t sound like the kind of relationship right now that you want to have standing up next to you.
Unless she has a dress already, then ask.
Post # 7
My friend had almost the exact thing happen at her wedding. Turns out the bridesmaid was really jealous because her realtionship had gone sour and she was jealous our friend was getting married and she wasn’t. My friend gave the bridesmaid the otpion to pull out of the bridal party, but the girl put on a smile and came to the shower and wedding. 4 years later they haven’t talked since the wedding. The situation is a bit different because they had only been friends for a couple of years, not their whole life. I really feel for you and not sure what advice to give. I think if you have been friends this long it’s probably not a friendship worth giving up on, and kicking her out of the bridal party would do that.