Post # 1
Hoping someone can shed some light, or give me some advice. I will try not to make this too long, maybe a timeline would help.
January 2013- I get engaged (yay!)
March 2013- ask “Jane” to be a bridesmaid (friend of 10+ years)
April 2013- Jane begins to date Joe
April-August- Jane blows me off because of Joe, new relationship, I get it
August 2013- dress shopping for me & Joe buys home. Jane expresses that she is uspet we were not happy enough for them during this time.
September 2013- Jane blows off a girls weekend away. Stops speaking to us (myself and three other girlfriends)
December 28, 2013- hear from Jane for first time, she is pregnant and getting married in 2 months, would mean a lot if we went to wedding, we agree to go.
Early February 2014- Jane and Joe wedding, everything seems great. We all had a great time
Today- Jane hasn’t spoken to us since two days after wedding.
March 29- bridesmaids dress shopping for my wedding.
What do I do? I do not want to hurt her feelings, she obviously has a lot going on. But I am sad that she refuses to put in the effort for our relationship regardless of how many different things we’ve tried. A lot can happen in 7 months, so I don’t want to write her off, shes been one of my best friends for over 10 years! But we do need to get dresses at end of this month. She is due 2 months before my wedding. Do I tell her I don’t think it makes sense for her to be involved in wedding? Give her the out? Let her decide? I am so torn becuase I would be so upset if this was my situation. Any advice would be great.
Post # 3
Has she said she is unable to come to get the dress on march 29th?
Post # 4
No, but due to the not speaking, it hasn’t even come up. We talked from when she let us know she was pregnant and getting married until her wedding but it was really all about her as she was understandably so busy with planning a full blown wedding in two months. We just haven’t talked since.
Post # 5
wow I’m so sorry this happened to you! its hard when a friend is going through hard times, she’s obviously pulling away because she is trying to figure herself out and while you want to be there for her and help her sometimes people just need their space. She could have some jealous feelings towards your “perfect” situation as well (not saying that it is just maybe she thinks that compared to hers). I think you should cut her from your bridesmaids, In a nice way of course say that you see how busy she is and don’t want to add extra stress with your wedding but would still love for her to come etc. this way it’s not on her that she’s a bad friend and pulled out and it won’t stress you out having to deal with her flakyness. You want to enjoy your wedding and your planning you don’t need her drama, and she does not need the pressure of being a part of your wedding. It’s a sad situation but tgis way hopefully it won’t blow up any worse.
Post # 6
@Buzz_like_a_bee123: Email or ring her and let her know the date. If she can’t make it then give her the details on what dress to buy and by what date, and if she doesn’t stick to that then presumably she won’t be in the wedding. Don’t work yourself up about it if you haven’t even checked if she can make it yet!
Post # 7
I would ask her, nicely, if she still wants to be in your wedding party. Say you totally understand that there is a lot more going on than when you asked, and say you wouldnt hold a grudge at all if she didnt feel like the was in the place to be a bridesmaid. See what she says.
Post # 8
@Buzz_like_a_bee123: Have you tried to contact her, and she just ignores you? Or have neither of you made an effort to talk?
I would let her know the date and see if she can come. I wouldn’t ask if she “still wants to be in the wedding” because she may get offended. She may just be overwhelmed with suddenly being married and pregnant and that is why she hasnt talked to you.
Post # 9
@Buzz_like_a_bee123: Ehh, just call her and see if she can make it. Then go from there.
Post # 10
I would call her and invite her to lunch/dinner/coffee/whatever. Make an actual date, not just “oh we should get together – totally!”. If she can’t make a date, let her know that you really do want to get together and catch up. Then say something along the lines of “We’re planning on getting the bridesmaids dresses on March 29. I know you’ve got a lot of stuff going on from when you first agreed to be in the wedding. I’d still love for you to be a bridesmaid, but I don’t want to stress you out, if you’ve got too much stuff going on. So what do you think?” If she’s on board, that’s great. If not, it gives her an out. And while it sucks that you haven’t been in much contact with her for awhile, I think it’s likely due to new man/baby not because she doesn’t want to be friends. I have friends who have gone through periods where I don’t have much contact from them (especially around pregnancy/new baby time), but they often come around later! So don’t write her off completely because she’s been MIA.
Post # 11
OP, she’s also going to have a handful of a newborn on her hands by the time your wedding rolls around. She may be looking for a way out.