Post # 1
I need some advice!
My bachelorette party is coming up on Saturday. On Wednesday, I received a FB message from Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 that Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 wasn’t going to the party (she’s 7 months pregnant and she and I had discussed her not feeling obligated to come previously. She spoke with me separately later in the day about her not attending.). Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 stated she wouldn’t be attending now because Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 was her driving partner and she didn’t want to drive alone to the event or to feel like a “5th wheel” with my family members with who I’m riding. Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 organized our room for the night and she said she would be cancelling it, leaving me and Bridesmaid or Best Man 3 without a place to stay for the night.
After giving myself a couple days to calm down, I responded that I was hurt that she wouldn’t be attending just because Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 wasn’t attending and that driving arrangements weren’t hard to make with her if that was the issue. She responded that I was “barking up the wrong tree” because her life is going a milliion miles a minute with her child being at school, to running her business and trying to attend all the outings and activities with their friends. “Untwist the panties” was the last line of her message.
I’m very hurt, not only by her not attending, but her response. I’ve asked very little of my bridal party and this date was arranged around Bridesmaid or Best Man 1’s schedule. It has crossed my mind to ask her no longer be a bridesmaid. Am I over-reacting?
Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated!
Post # 2
soontobeserr: I don’t know if there is anything you can do. I don’t like the way she responded either, but I can understand her side of things being crazy in life right now. I think she was wrong in telling you so last minute, and in not being apologetic for cancelling your sleeping arrangements and bailing on you bach. I don’t think she should’ve blaimed the riding situation and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man for the reason of not being able to make it, but be honest by telling you the reasons she wouldn’t be able to go and actually be apologetic about it.
I think you just need to let it go and have a great time at your bach party on Saturday. It sucks, but if her attitude continues I wouldn’t hesitate to boot her out of the wedding. She sounds a bit hostile, imo.
Post # 3
Bridesmaid 1 is definitely being a bit of a jerk in this situation. I do understand having a crazy busy schedule however I think she is trying to find a way to back off from the party and that’s not ok either, especially leaving you with no place to stay that night. Not to mention the talk of you “untwisting your panties”…yikes. I don’t know if I would tell her to back out of the bridal party because of this but I definitely would have an honest conversation with her. If she is close enough to be a bridesmaid I would hope you would feel comfortable talking to her honestly about this.
Post # 4
Ok, so I think first you should focus on your upcoming bach party (yay! so exciting!) and figure out what to do about a room for you and the other BMs. I know it might suck, but maybe if you could all get together and pitch in for a room that would work.
Don’t think about Bridesmaid or Best Man1 for now, just enjoy that you’re having a bach party with your best girlfriends and it’s going to be amazing! (and maybe post some awesome pictures on facebook, just because Bridesmaid or Best Man1 will most likely see…I’m a little devious, what can I say?)
And then next week after the event has past, have a sit down with Bridesmaid or Best Man1 about the situation and have an honest conversation with her. If she feels like she’s being stretched too thin and that the bach party had made her snap, maybe you can work things out. Everyone gets stressed sometimes. However if she still blames things on you, then maybe it’s time to part ways.
I think it’s necessary that you not let her put a bad taste in your mouth for your party though!
Post # 5
Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 is definitely being a bit of a bitch, and I’m sorry about that. She shouldn’t blaim Bridesmaid or Best Man2 or the ride situation, if she’s actually not attending just because she’s busy. Does she know that the party was scheduled around her, so that she could attend? Her “untwist your panties” comment was especially uncalled for.
I agree with the PP who said that you shouldn’t let this put a damper on your party. Go out, have a great time, and then next week address this with her. I also agree that if she’s able to have some perspective and explain that her life is just crazy right now, then I think you should let it go (one snap does not a bad friend make). However; if she blames you and defends her actions, this may be a friendship that you want to let gracefully and naturally end.
Post # 6
P.S. Making hotel reservations for a group, and then canceling them at the last minute, leaving everyone to scramble, is just ridiculous. If she couldn’t go, she should have at least left the hotel reservation intact so that you guys didn’t have to figure out last-minute accommodations. At the very least she should be able to acknowledge that this was in bad taste.
Post # 7
Bridesmaid or Best Man1 is being really mean and inconsiderate. You’ve had this planned for months, and to cancel the hotel room for the group, without trying to make other arrangements? That is really cold. I’m not sure why she would be so angry with you, but I would try to find out. The way she’s speaking to you is someone who is MAD.
Post # 8
So…she was the one that made the hotel reservation for the whole group and now that she can’t/doesn’t want to come she cancelled them? That would really piss me off honestly. She should’ve kept the reservations and asked someone else to put down their own credit card info once they got there.
Also, I understand that she’s busy. Sounds like she has a lot going on. However, I think it was really immature of her to try to use Bridesmaid or Best Man2 not driving with her as her excuse to bail on your party. She was obviously just looking for an excuse. Added on to the way she talked to you…I’d be pretty upset in your position. I agree with all the other PPs and try not to let this ruin your party. Have fun without her! Who needs her! But afterwards I’d definitely talk to her about how, at the very least, the way she spoke to you about this situation was unacceptable and uncalled for.
Post # 9
Being busy and not being able to attend is one thing. Cancelling lodging that effects everyone else becasue you can’t go is a total ahole thing to do. I can see why you are upset. There are always people who make excuses for events and nothing can get them to attend. This sounds like one of those sitautions. I am sorry your friend is being like this, and you obviosuly are reasonable since you are ok with your other friend not being able to attend bc she is preganant.
I’m sorry your friend is being a jerk. Right now, focus on getting a place to st for your party and have fun with your family and friends who will be attending. After the pary is over, you will need to talk to your frind about how her messages were out of line and how cancelling the lodging was also not cool. I had a “friend” who was supposed to stand up in my wedding, gave fininaces as a reason, but still didn’t want to participate after I offered to cover her dress and I that I didn’t need a gift, I just wanted her there. There may be something else going on in your friends life that is causing her to behave like this, but being a jerk to you is not going to solve anything. I hope you can resolve the issues with her, but when you talk to her after your event, if she is mean and defensive, you may want to ask her to attend as a guest since she is so bisy with her child and her business.