- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
I could use some advice on a BM situation that has been causing me some wedding stress.
I am getting married this July, and “proposed” to my girls about 5 months ago. I have 4 BM. My MOH is long dostance, but the BMs are local. I don’t expect my BMs to help with any of the wedding planning, aside from picking their own dresses. Shortly after asking them to stand in my wedding, I asked what they were comfortable spending on a dress (everyone agreed that they could afford around $100) and if there were any colours or styles that they didn’t like. I feel I have been very reasonable thus far. The vendor for our dresses (etsy shop) requires that the dresses be ordered 12 weeks in advance (beginning of April). I emailed my maids to tell them the total cost with shipping ($80) and when we had to order. I also offered to order the dresses, and let them pay me back as they are able. One BM replied that she could no longer afford to spend that much and said that $60 would be better for her. I told her that I would look for something more in her price range, and let her know when I found one.
About 2 weeks later, I found a dress very similar to the one she originally chose. It was $40 including shipping. I texted her to let her know about the new dress. She then told me that she doesn’t know if she can go to the wedding anymore. She and her ex are trying to work things out, and she is moving away to live with him. I will be very happy for them if it works out for them, and I expressed this, and told her that if she needed/wanted to step down as a bridesmaid, I would understand. She said she doesnt want to step down. This left me with some confusion, because ahe said she wasn’t sure if she would be here for the wedding. Another week passed, and we were talking about getting our daughters together for a playdate, and I casually asked if she had decided to move or not, and expressed that I was a little concerned that she hadn’t really committed to being present for the wedding. She told me she didn’t know, and I haven’t heard from her since, even though I have tried calling and texting her.
I should also mention that she is doing the music for our ceremony, as well as standing as a bridesmaid. I am concerned that she will tell me, too late, that she won’t be here for the wedding. There are very few live wedding musicians near where I live, not the mention the additional, unexpected, cost of hiring one, I don’t want to be stuck without ceremony music because I am too late trying to book..
Should I ask her to step down as BM/musician to avoid the risk of finding out too late that she has decided not to attend? If I do chose to ask her to step down, how should I go about doing that without ruining the friendship?