(Closed) Bridesmaid advice, not sure what to do!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m actually not expecting much out of my BMs at all.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is attending college across state, one Bridesmaid or Best Man is finishing up her graduate degree, one is in the process of buying her first house, and the last one is planning her own wedding.  I’ll be happy if any one of them squeaks out a bridal shower.  🙂

However, your Bridesmaid or Best Man is right that she should only be your Bridesmaid or Best Man if she can commit to the things you need her to do.  I don’t like that she said she’d come to the bachelorette party and then changed her mind; that seems kind of flaky to me.  She obviously wouldn’t be hurt if you replaced her with a more available Bridesmaid or Best Man, so don’t feel bad if that’s what you end up doing.  Just make sure you tell her in a political way – don’t “dump” her in such a way that your friendship suffers.

Bridesmaid or Best Man responsibilities are usually to plan the shower and bachelorette party, to offer emotional support to the bride, and if possible help with other random things like stamping invitations.  It’s okay if you have to ask one of your BMs to be in charge of the shower and etc.  If you don’t, maybe they’ll each assume it was someone else’s job!

Post # 4
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It seems that your Bridesmaid or Best Man wants to do the minimum for you in the wedding. She is coming in for 3 days though, which seems reasonable.  I don’t expect my Bridesmaid or Best Man to be helping me everyday of the last week, mostly because they’ll be working.  So the 3 day thing seems fine.

The bachelorette stuff though seems flakey.  She isn’t committing! Could it be a money thing? Maybe she is going through financial stress?

Sorry that you have to go through this.  Hang in there with her for a little bit more, you don’t want your friendship to be ruined.

Post # 5
13 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

It almost seems that she may be a little jealous of your relationship with your other Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She keeps wanting everything to be convenient for her almost as if she is testing you to see if you will accomodate her.  I dont think that it is fair for you to have to worry about your showers.  My daughter is getting married in September and her Bridesmaid or Best Man are taking care of everything.  I have done a lot of weddings and the weddings I have been involved with the Maid/Matron of Honor usually gets all the Bridesmaid or Best Man together to go over all the shower and and other party details.  I know for my daughters they already got together and came up with all the dates, themes, and everyone was given their jobs to do.  My daughter and I didnt even know anything about it.  There is already enough for you to take care of.  You shouldnt have to worry about this to. 

Maybe you could tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man that you are concerned about her and her financial situation.  Make her feel that you understand that if this is a financial burden, you are o.k. with her backing out.  That way it was her decision and not something you told her to do which sounds like she wants you to.

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