(Closed) Bridesmaid advice please!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you could give general guidelines for shoes.  “Wear a champagne-colored shoe with a heel no higher than 2 inches”.  That way your bridesmaids can have some freedom to pick whatever they want but you still have some control over the overall look.

 

Even though A may be living more lavishly than you doesn’t mean she doesn’t have money problems of her own.

 

Post # 4
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

Maybe you could pick a “style” of shoe and a color family. For example: “get strappy green shoes with a small heel” or “get yellow closed-toe flats”. Hope this idea helps!

Post # 6
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

While she is being unreasonable, you are asking a lot of everyone by having a destination wedding. I supoose I agree with everyone else that you maybe could give suggestions on the shoes but ultimately do no be surprised if A shows up in her own shoes.

Post # 8
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@frescalini:  I think you are right. It is your wedding and you were nice enough to let them wear whatever dress they wanted and not be matched. I would totally want matching shoes and I think it is ridiculous that she is complaining about that. I don’t think its a money issue because you did offer to pay for them, I think she has an idea of how she wants to look for YOUR wedding and thats not right it is your day and you get to decide what they look like. Like you said in the first place they knew the situation when they said they would be your bridesmaids. They knew it would be costly for them to go to Hawaii, but they chose to do it. && your being extra nice about the dresses and cost of everything. Your not wrong at all in my opinion she is.

Post # 9
Member
8696 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would let them pick their own shoes. The wedding I was in last summer the bride picked our shoes. They were ugly and painful and we ALL complained! For that reason, I told my bridesmaids pick any nude shoe they want just not flats or Toms but it could be pumps, sandals, wedges, etc and I hope they find things they can and will wear again. All 6 of them are very happy with that!

Post # 10
Member
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m going to be totally honest and say that you seem nice, like you’re trying to be considerate. And your bridesmaid could have approached you in person, in a more friendly way. HOWEVER, you specifically told your bridesmaids that you wouldn’t add to their expenses, which are already considerable with flights, time off work, lodging, pet care, etc. It was nice of you to try to find cheap dresses, but at the end of the day, it’s proper etiquette to provide anything for bridesmaids that you’re requiring them to wear. Telling them what shoes to wear was unexpected and pretty much the opposite of what you initally promised, and I’d be feeling used if I was your bridesmaid too. It’s not much of an honor to be told where to vacation and what to wear.

 

At this point, I think you should apologize, tell your bridesmaid how important she is to you and you appreciate all she’s doing for you, and explain that your rationale over the shoes was to make sure no one wore anything outrageous for pictures. You can always ask them to send you pictures of their potential shoes for approval.

Post # 11
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@likewoah:  I agree. This is a situation where you guys will not see exactly eye to eye, and each person will be sure that they’re in the correct position. A little compromise will go a long way!

Post # 12
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsBenton2Bee:  totally agree.

Yes, a destination wedding is expensive and asks a lot of bridesmaids, but they agreed to that. I have been in several weddings that were local and spent well over $1000 on each of them between dress, shoes, bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc.

Post # 13
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Here is my problem with A… you offered to pay. So it does seem to me she is just being difficult. You may need to put your foot (and wallet) down and state “I am picking all of your shoes, and to compensate I am paying for them”.

To compromise: perhaps they wear “your” shoes for pictures and the ceremony and can change into “their” shoes for reception

Post # 14
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@frescalini:  My sister is having a destination wedding in Mexico which is costing me over 2 grand. our dresses were $200 which she paid half, plus alterations.  She wanted us in matching shoes which were $70.  Spending the money sucked but I would never say one word to her about it because I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a bridesmaid to buy that stuff. I knew it’d be expensive when I agreed to be in the wedding party. I would have said no if I couldn’t have afforded it. I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man is being incredibly tacky and rude. She shouldn’t have agreed to be in your wedding if she didn’t have the money (which it sounds like she does).

Post # 15
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d pick a style and color to go with. Although she is being unreasonable, I do have to agree with her on spending a bit of money for the destination wedding. I would just throw guidlines out for shoes.

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