Post # 1
I have a good friend who lives about two-hours away, and I’m thinking about asking her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. My fiance is also thinking about asking her husband to be a groomsman. In addition, since we don’t know any other children, we were going to ask if their children would like to be ring bearer and flower girl. We are aware that this would be a large financial burden on them, and would be willing to cover some of their expenses so they could join us for our special day.
Is there any way to tell her that my fiance and I would be willing to pay some of their expenses so they could be in our wedding party?
Post # 3
I would just talk to them about it. How about you take them out to dinner together and tell them how much it would mean to you but that you understand it is a financial burden. You should think about specifically what costs you’re going to cover so they’re clear on how much they will be spending. Maybe let them talk about it privately and get back to you?
Post # 4
I would consider just offering to cover x, y and z (in a private conversation of course – not in front of the other BMs) and not bring up the financial burden issue. So I’m envisioning something like, “We’re so excited to have you, your Darling Husband and your children in our wedding! Let me know what their sizes are so I can order their outfits!” then “Oh no, it’s our pleasure. We’re just glad you accepted!” For example, we sked DH’s cousin for both of their children’s participation and we never brought up the financial burden part, even though we knew it would be a lot of money to outfit two kids the way we wanted. So I just went ahead and said I already placed an order; they just need to know what sizes to ship.
And depending on what else you want to cover for them, you can just do it earlier on so it’s already done and paid for, such as “Hey, what day are you planning to head in? We are looking to book hotel rooms for everyone.” “Oh, we covered yours! Thank you so much for your help!”
Post # 5
I was thinking about asking her in person first, before we ask the rest of her family to be part of our special day. We can cover some of their expenses, but not all of them (my fiance and I are saving for a house, plus paying for part of our wedding). If they can’t join us, then our bridal party will just be down to two people on each side, which is fine with me.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
Are you for sure that it would be a financial problem? If so, I would ask, then let them say, oh, hey we’d love to, but it’s really more money than we can afford. Then you can say, well we were thinking we could cover X, Y, and Z. (be specific) But I wouldn’t start out by offering because that may offend people.
Post # 7
Thanks for the replies, everyone. I’ll speak to her privately, in person in a few weeks. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t committing a major faux pas.
I’m thinking about pricing some things out first, just to see how much this would cost my fiance and I, so we don’t offer to pay for more than we can handle. I think paying for the outfits, and possibly shoes, would be fair. Accomodations shouldn’t be that much, since it’s only a two-hour road trip and an overnight stay at a chain hotel.
Post # 8
@thatredheadedbride: that is so nice of you!!