(Closed) Bridesmaid and Flower Girl, One in the Same?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, I’d find it a bit weird for a grown woman to be scattering flowers at a wedding. I’d keep her as just a bridesmaid, and pay for her dress if you’re able to do so.

Post # 4
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it would be sweet. Depending on you guests though, it may seem a little starange  though. You could maybe give her the title of Lady of Honor. And have her be the keeper of your ring, and just have the ring bearer hold your FI’s ring.

Post # 5
28 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

First of all, I think it’s really sweet that you’re including your cousin in your big day! Was your mother’s wedding awhile ago when your cousin was younger? If so, it may have been very fun and exciting for her to be a flower girl then but even so it may not be something she would want to do as an adult. Just something to consider. Also I think it’s really nice that you’re taking into consideration your aunts feelings on the matter. Speaking from a little bit of personal experience, my older brother has down syndrome and he is 26, I think that my mom would be offended if someone included him in a similar event in a role that is typically reserved for children, but would be very excited for him to be included in an age-appropriate way. Just my two cents, this may depend on individual family dynamics and what your aunt’s opinion is on the matter. If you have the means to I think offering to buy the dress is also a nice gesture. 

Post # 7
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I agree with the other posters that I think you should try to include her in a more age-appropriate way. Just because she can’t help with DIY doesn’t mean she can’t be a bridesmaid. I think that your best solution would be to have her as a bridesmaid because then she is involved in the wedding, she is standing up with you, and it’s still age appropriate!

Post # 8
520 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s a lovely idea for you to include her in your wedding.  I do not think it is appropriate in the least for her to be a flower girl.  I do not care what type of disabilities she has, I think it would be offensive and demeaning.  I mean, she’s almost 40, scattering flowers like a child.  Personally, if I were at your wedding I would be uncomfortable with that.  If you want to include her in your wedding, include her in a role that is age appropriate.  Let her be a bridesmaid.  Do not define her role by her disability. 

Post # 10
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Being a bridesmaid is not only about planning showers and helping with wedding stuff. She’s important to you and you want her to stand up with you; that should be her role in the wedding. It’s a very important one. Also, even a teenager scattering petals like a kid would be weird, so the fact that she looks younger than 36 has no bearing on my answer.

Post # 11
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You can have someone as a bridesmaid and they don’t have to be involved in the bridal shower or bachelorette party.  You could also give her a special title to make her feel different from the other girls.

Post # 12
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think it’s necessarily weird for a person older than a little girl to be the petal-scatterer.  Heck I want to scatter petals at a wedding, it’s a pretty fun gig!  As to whether you should utilize your cousin for this role, I think the only thing that matters is whether your cousin wants to do it.  If you ask her about it and she gets excited, then yes, you should have her do it!  If she doesn’t seem interested, or feels like the role is too young for her now, then no, obviously she shouldn’t do it.   Who cares what everyone in the crowd thinks if your cousin’s okay with it.  I think it’s nice that you want to include her and make her feel special. 

Post # 13
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Down Syndrome has various degrees of functioning.  While it sounds like your cousin is doing well, it sounds like she is under the custody of your aunt.  So I have to say, it isn’t just about what your cousin wants.  Your aunt needs to be OK with it too. So even if your cousin doesn’t seem to be offended or notice the big deal in being a 38 year old flower girl, if your aunt is uncomfortable with it, that says something.

I agree with the pps that think it isn’t a good idea to have her as a flower girl.  But you know her, we don’t.  The only way to get to the bottom of it is to talk to your aunt.


Good luck.

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