(Closed) Bridesmaid and Groomsman are getting divorced…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oy….that’s hard. What are her thoughts on the matter?

Post # 4
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly, she might be relieved if you give her an “out” because she may be just as worried about being in the wedding as you are.  She probably won’t want to be at an event where her ex is going to be.  I think you could talk to her honestly and explain the situation and how you think it might be better if maybe she did not attend.  See how it goes.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

Could you talk to your friend and explain the situation?  Maybe she could promise you to be drama-free at your wedding, since it is, after all, YOUR wedding…?  This sounds like a really tough situation, I’m sorry!

Post # 6
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you should ask N’s ex wife what she wants. If she thinks she can be there and act classy, let her. If she doesn’t think she can handle it, that’s her choice, too. You’ve already asked her, so see how she feels.

Post # 7
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I definitely do no think you should ask her to step down. If she had left him, maybe. But her husband left her for a younger woman and the LAST thing she needs is to feel like he is stealing her friends away too. If I were you I would just talk to her about the situation and tell her that as your friend you would love for her to stand up with you on your day but if she thinks that it would be hard to get through the day without drama then you are 100% okay with her stepping down and just being a guest or even missing the wedding. Give her some credit that she can handle the situation. The only way I’d change my mind here is if they got into a disruptive argument during another event (thus displaying that they can’t be trusted to act as adults). 

Post # 8
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I would talk to N’s wife and ask her how she feels about the situation.  Also discuss with your Fiance about talking with N.  I think that N should NOT bring the new woman (or any date) to the wedding.  Not only out of respect for his ex-wife, but also out of respect for you and your Fiance.  He should want to try and help you celebrate your wedding, not cause potential drama.

ETA: Obv if N isn’t allowed to bring a date, then N’s ex-wife shouldn’t be allowed either.

Post # 9
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This happened to us, but it was also my bro who was married to his sister! They stepped down voluntarily and are trying to work on their marriage now, its easiest if they step down and keep your wedding drama free, its you day not theirs.

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

This same thing happened to me and my ex.  The couple asked us both to be in their wedding.  They really were friends more with him then me but they knew we’d have to travel and such and wanted even numbers etc etc.

We broke up about 6 months before the wedding.  We didn’t talk at all until at the wedding.  We both remained in the wedding party.  I would have backed out if given the chance but now I’m glad I didn’t.  They aren’t friends any more and it’s been 10 years. I’ve remained in contact with them and have gone to visit at least once every two years.  They are coming to my wedding next month and I can’t be any happier/excited to see them!

My ex and I did get into a little tif at their wedding but it was away from the reception even on a different level of the hotel.  I had called it an early night and he came following trying to talk.  So I don’t think anyone knew this happened except two of the GMs because they saw him following me and later came to check on me.

I would say call her and ask her how she feels.

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would say, talk to N’s ex-wife and ask her what she would like to do. Just let her know that you wouldn’t be at all offended if she didn’t feel like she could go through with being a bridesmaid. She might thank you to no end for giving her an out.

I agree with otb in saying that your Fiance should talk to N about not bringing a date to the wedding. I understand that he wants him to be there, but you guys want to make sure there isn’t a ton of drama that is going on the day of the wedding. Just say that you’re both trying to do your part in being friends with each of them, and you’re just trying to make sure your wedding day is drama free.

Hopefully things will work out, and who knows…by that point, N’s ex might even be dating someone new!

Post # 12
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that you should ask her about her thoughts on all this and completely leave it up to her. I wouldnt personally ask her to back down because she has done nothing to you to cause this situation. That is for sure a very hard situation to be in and to be honest I really feel for her.

Post # 14
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I would agree with the other bees to not ask her to step down, I would go as far as to say don’t even say anything to her, if she is anyway uncomfortable with the situation, I hope that you would trust her to bring it up to you and ask that you have someone else taking her spot. Its not her fault that her ex left her for someone else and to ask her would seem to be punishing her. Which would make her feel even more powerless, she needs your support and your understanding and you are being a good friend for considering all of these.

Post # 15
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’d say try giving her an out and if she doesn’t take it, then don’t invite N’s new gf. That way there won’t be that sort of a fight. And limit alcohol consumption definitely, even if only N is there.

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