Post # 1
I have known one of my bridesmaids for 5 years. Within that time, she has gotten engaged, broke it off, gotten “re-engaged” to the same man, and then broken it off again. The most recent breakup was this September. Both times him cheating on her was what initiated the breakup.
When I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she was singe. Just two weeks ago though, I found out they are once again back together and may be getting married(!) this July. My question is, do I have to invite him?
My wedding is very small (we can have no more than 60 guests and we currently have 59 we are inviting) and my fiance and I are paying for it by ourselves. It is also 3 hours out of town and will be like a destination wedding for our guests. My fiance is VERY strongly opposed to having him there, as he has heard from me over the past 5 years the kind of things he’s said to her, done to her, etc. I’m just wondering what etiquette rules may apply in this situation.
One other thing to note: all guests who will be bringing a date are engaged, married, or have been in their relationship for at least a year. I just don’t know where the bridesmaid in question fits in all of this!
Post # 3
I would invite him. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose the partners for our friends.The cumulative length of their relationship certainly meets your criteria.
Post # 4
It is up to you because it’s your wedding but if they’re now together again, I’d probably feel obligated to invite him (etiquette wise). If you or your Fiance really doesn’t want him at your wedding, try to come up with a reasonable excuse that’d explain why he’s not invited.
Post # 5
As much as you dislike him it seems as though he will be in your friend’s life forever (hopefully maybe, probably?) and you don’t want to start drama for just one more invitation.
Post # 6
I agree with PP that etiquette does say he should be invited. I would probably suck it up, but not be happy about it. Who knows, maybe by then he will have cheated again and they won’t be together (not that I want your friend hurt, but it seems like this is likely to happen again).
Post # 7
@raimer0180: If they are planning to be married then etiquette dictates that he must be invited. It is not up to you to judge their relationship. She is an adult capable of picking her partner.
Post # 8
@raimer0180: Invite him. Since you’re at 59 it looks like you have the room to invite him to meet your 60 limit. Who knows, in another couple of weeks they may break it off again. 😉 Hang in there.
Post # 9
You need to invite him if they are in a relationship. It is not up to you to judge the seriousness of someone elses relationship. Its not fair of you to ask her to buy a dress and travel for your wedding and then not allow her to bring her boyfriend (fiance?).
Post # 10
I know it’s frustrating to have to invite guests you’d rather not have taking up a space that someone you care more for could occupy. I also can understand your concern regarding the nature of your friend’s relationship with her Fiance. However, I agree with pps. From an etiquette perspective, because he is engaged to your bridesmaid, he should be invited.
Post # 11
I would invite him. You can mostly ignore his presence on the day of your wedding but not inviting him will cause major probleems. I would just suck it up and do it.
Post # 13
i think do what you like its your wedding….i had a problem that my wedding is very small and my bridesmaids are staying with me at the venue the night before…only 2 of them (out of 6) are in relationships and when i told them that i wouldnt be inviting partners to the day 1 of them was fine but the other was not. she came around when i explained that my reason was to have time with just the girls before the wedding and that her partner would feel uncomfortable with so few guests,mainly family with her having such a big part in the wedding he would be left out…she understands now and is fine. dont have anyone there that will make you feel uncomfortable…its her own fault for having such an on/off relationship and if they happen to be together at the time its tough!i know i sound harsh but weddings are expensive why pay extra money for someone you dont want there/might not even turn up/may turn up and cause atmosphere??