(Closed) Bridesmaid and her child

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We’re doing the same thing so I’m with you.  But, I will say that finding childcare can be difficult, esp. for a 1 year old.  Many people probably haven’t even left their child with a sitter at that age.  Also is she local to where your wedding will be?  If not, that could be more difficult.

All of that said, she’s had a year to figure this out, so it’s kind of difficult that she’s dumping it on you now.  But maybe you can figure out exactly what’s motivating her decision.  Is she unable to find a sitter?  Or is she just uncomfortable leaving her child with a sitter?  If the former, can you offer to help her?  She’s your Bridesmaid or Best Man, so obviously it’s important to you that she attend.  If the latter, then maybe she just can’t attend or you will have to make an exception for her.  I probably would not make an exception b/c it might put other’s off…then again she’s in the Wedding Party so it’s not as weird.  But if in the end she isn’t in your wedding, I wouldn’t take it personally.  It’s tough prioritizing when you have kids.  And if she really is afraid of leaving him/her with a sitter, then I can understand that…and it really doesn’t have to do with her not valuing you or your wedding.

Post # 4
36 posts

A few years ago, I was approached by a co-worker who I used to baby-sit for on occasion.  She was in a wedding and asked if I could baby-sit for her and some of the other out of town guests children, since children were not invited to the reception.  The wedding/reception and where the guests were staying were all in the same lodge so parents could check in on their kids when needed.  I’m telling you it was the easiest job..most of the kids were related and passed out when they were tired from playing and watching Disney movies.

Does your venue have a room that you can use for babysitting or a inexpensive hotel nearby?  If so, maybe your cousin can hire a babysitter and bring him/her along to watch the baby in another room, then she is not away from the baby for a long period of time and can check in on the baby.  

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with both pp.  I had a friend with a situations where one of her BMs was Out of Town.  So she invited her daughter.  (And just made a stipulations that children of the Bridal Party were invited.)  But if she is in town, I think it would be easier for her to find a sitter.  No in laws? Neighbors?  I think if I was in a situation in which my husband was in a wedding, and had not other sitter option, I would probably offer to stay home while he attended this wedding, rather than none of us go.  (Although she might be a single mom.)

Did she approach you in a nasty ultimatum kind of way, or in a really sorry and upset way?  If you have other guest who might benfeit from having onsite babysitting, what a  nice option that would be.  However, it’s really not a requirement

Post # 6
1205 posts
Bumble bee

I second the idea of having a sitter at the reception if you can.  Some people may (rudely) bring their kids anyway and the ones that are invited would prob feel better if they have a place to crash-out/color/be kids/watch a movie.  It will also give you peace of mind that no children will be running wild. 

I attended a wedding where they did this and as a parent,  it was GREAT!

Post # 7
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

You are not wrong.  This is your wedding not a daycare convention.  Too bad she feels this way.  If you really want her in the wedding, offer to find a babysitter.  If she declines this generous offer than maybe she has other reasons for opting out of the wedding. 

Post # 8
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I kinda feel like she should have figured this out months ago. I bet she thinks that by giving you this ultimatum she gets her way.

Doesn’t your bridesmaid have anyone she can ask a favor of? i know that all day care of a 1 yr old is tough. Is she still breastfeeding? i hate to say it but the baby might have to come and you coudl just make an exception for her. But I"d let her know that it wasn’t cool of her to let you know sorta last minute. "thanks for the heads up!" right? 

Post # 9
10 posts

I just had the same thing just happen to me!  At first I felt stressed out, and then I realized that it is not a big deal. Childcare can be hard to find, especially if someone does not have relatives or someone they trust close by.

I think there is enough things to worry about – don’t let yourself get caught up in the small stuff.  Your wedding is about celebrating the creation of a new family with your loved ones. If she is your bridesmaid she must be someone important in your life.  I’m sure your family will not be angry and this doesn’t need to create drama unless you let it.

You could get a babysitter, but you don’t have to.  I’m sure she understands that of she brings a baby, she will be taking care of him/her. 

Post # 10
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think there have been some good suggestions.  If she is local, do you know of someone responsible who you could recommend? If she is from out of town, would it be possible to find someone who could watch her child at the hotel, or a grandparent who might want to stay at the reception for dinner and then could take the child with them?

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